The Post Wrap – Round XI


Where Life imitates Football

Plus ça change, plus c’est la même chose.  Friday night was the opening night of the first of the three Mid-season Break Rounds.  It went the way of The Catters in a match in which they banked the Eight Points on offer to be sitting just outside Heaven’s Door.

On Saturday The Anchormen found themselves in danger of dropping two matches on the trot in deplorable conditions up where it buckets down one day and rains cats & dogs the next. The Weagles did what they had to do over on the Balmy Western Extremity of The Fatal Shore.  And The Bloods held off a Valiant Shinboner Outfit to give Coach Bradley another pain in the backside as The Norsemen slip a game off the pace.

Come Sunday and The Orangemen found themselves overawed by the monochrome Army and outgunned by The Magpies.

What’s in a song?

We’ll never stop, stop, stop

Till we’re top, top, top

There’s history here in the making

You could’ve let off a pipe bomb in sections of the stand at the Picturesque Adelaide Oval after ½-Time on Friday night without fear of injuring anyone.  (Maybe The Alberton Oval Faithful couldn’t see any History In The Making coming from Their Boys – Ed)

Asada Watch.  Player Crowley tests positive for a banned substance in August 2014.  (Round XXVII – Ed)  He’s allowed to play on until his team, The Fremantle Dockers, are eliminated from the 2014 Finals.  During the Long Dark Summer this is disclosed to the media.  He’s suspended pending the results of his B sample.  Months later it’s announced that those tests proved positive and he’s given a 12-month ban backdated to the last time The Dockers played.  He’s eligible to play in the 2015 Preliminary Final.  Down at Eel Race Road, Player Saad gets a two-year ban for pretty much the same thing.  And the Appalling Football League and ASAFDA want to know why we don’t take them seriously.  (Player Saad inadvertently took his “dose” of banned substance in an off the shelf energy drink on match day Ed)  If that be the case Oh Venerated One, who’s checking the rubbish bins at every ground around the Football World for empty bottles of off the shelf energy drinks, or worse?

Speaking of the Ammos, we seem to have lost contact with our stringer at The Old Carey Panthers.  ET call home.

And here’s The Skip of Skipton 8-point Ladder as it sits at the end of Round VII.  (Better check it out Skip.  He’s distracted most days he gets out of bed before midday – Ed)

FREMANTLE                       69

SYDNEY                                64.5

WEST COAST                      62.5

COLLINGWOOD                59.5

HAWTHORN                      54

GWS                                       52.5

ADELAIDE                          47.5

Richmond                        47


Geelong                                46.5

North Melbourne                40.5

Port Adelaide                      40

Footscray                              37.5

Essendon                             34.5

St. Kilda                                32

Melbourne                           29.5

Brisbane                               18.5

Gold Coast                           18.5

Carlton                                 14


Astute readers may have noticed some amendments to the 8-Point Ladder.  Thanks Skip.


The Bagman’s Corner:  The Current Carlton v Ex-Carlton Investment Plan has been suspended while we give the players some much earned mid-season R&R.


The Coach Most Likely?  You whistle and we’ll point.

Over where they put the lime in the coconut and shake it all up a quick game’s still a good game.  Now for the Green & Pleasant Land.  Our tip for The Man of The Ashes Series?  It’s a toss-up between Josh Hazelewood’s unplayable & unreadable swinging deliveries (The next Glen McGrath or the next Terry Alderman Wrap? – Ed) and Steve The Accumulator Smith.  The result? Four& zip.  The weather will beat us at Trent Bridge.

But enough of my gabbin’.  Let’s see who was in Seventh Heaven after Round XI.

The Tealers v The Pivotonians.  The question was, Are The Power still only thereabouts?  Or are they BIT?  When they’re up against another thereabouts side you’d have to say they’re barely thereabouts.  They managed to add only four goals to their ½-Time score on a dry but dewy night in the Shadows of Mt Lofty. In the same period The Visitors increased their Long Interval lead from seven to 23 points.  The Hink was calm in his PPP, and while there was an element of stating the bleeding obvious in it – sloppy & inconsistent were words used – there was also an element of steely resolve.  An element of bring your mouthguards to the Pleasant Sunday morning out at Alberton Oval.  We haven’t been as clean as we need to be.  We’re clear on what we want to do, but we’re just not executing that at the moment.  But we will.  That’s my responsibility as a coach.  They’ll be back, back on the MCG next Saturday for the early one against The Beleaguered Blues.  As for The Cats, are they BIT?  For a Cat that’s supposed to be due for a final visit to the vet, this Old Tabby seem to be catching a lot of mice.  Corey Enright was back to his best and Harry Taylor was unpassable.  They’ve got a few to return too.  And were we alone in predicting a long career for Rhys Stanley?  But in front of the fast emptying stands, the opposition on the night may have been undergoing its own catharsis.  The Moggies have got The Demons down at Corio Oval for the only match next Sunday.  History tells us this can be a watershed moment, but mainly for the Incumbent Redleg Coach.

The Sunbeams v The Mauve Miasma.  The outcome went as predicted, but the execution wasn’t.  As 8,911 sheltered from the Gold Coast rain in the lee of the Metricon, The Sunbeams took it right up to The Midseason Premiership Favourites.  True, the conditions brought everybody back to the field; The Homeside was missing no fewer than 11 starting XXII players.  Arguably the difference between the two sides was The Runaway Brownlow Favourite.  The Anchormen take a breather before hosting The Mighty Magpies on the school holiday Thursday night.  The Metermaids also take a break before taking on Carlton in The Match of Round XXIII on the Sunday on the Shifting Sands of Docklands; the match that could decide who holds aloft The Coveted Timber Trophy for Season 2015.

The Eddie Eagles v The Milquetoasts.  The 2015 story doesn’t get any better for The Bombers.  For The Eddie Eagles it was another page in their run at a Top Four Finish and a tilt at The 2015 Toyota Premiership Season Pennant.  To be honest, considering the opposition and the conditions, 14-12 wasn’t a convincing effort.  They had a few limp off and they face The Rampant Tigers on The G next Friday night.  Jack Darling made a welcome return to Senior Football, as did ex-Hawthorn X-man, Xavier Ellis.  For The Gliders it was the standard joke.  Who kicked six goals in the Eagles v Dons match in Round XI: Essendon.  Coach Bambi seemed up and about in his PPP.  (Maybe it was the studio make-up; maybe he doesn’t realize that it was relayed to the East Coast – Ed)   The bottom line is that The Dons just haven’t had much luck from their tall recruits for a number of years now.  Bumbleton, Bellchambers, Carlisle, Daniher: all have shown promise but don’t deliver consistently.  They have a week off before taking on TRP in a Round XII Line-In-The-Sand match early on Saturday at THOF.

The Shinboners v The Blood.  An honourable loss is still a loss, and for a team that went deep into September last year, it was a devastating loss.  They’ve got GWS at Spotless in the gathering gloom next Saturday, which may reflect the gathering gloom of their season.  Sure, they had a few tilts at The Lakers, but The Visitors were able to answer every challenge.  Parker was outstanding again for The Swans, and the North Melbourne defence had no answer Buddy’s dominance other than to try to rough him up.  (Which never works as well as a kiss on the cheek – Ed)  While the shameful booing of South Melbourne’s Dual Brownlow Medallist continued, it’s becoming so perfunctory that it’s drifted into the background noise.  (I’ll bet it hasn’t for Adam Goodes – Ed)  the right team won on the night and The Swans consolidate they’re 2nd Rung standing on the Competition Ladder.  They have the bye before hosting The Tigers on the Friday night..

The Mighty Magpies v The Orangemen.  The Leviathans Stayed with The Woodsmen for a bit, but after trailing by 17 points at the major break they fell away as they started going down like ninepins.  Injuries to Davis, Patful, Coniglio & Mumford left them in negative territory on the bench and The Maggies took full advantage of the situation, running out 7-goal winners.  The Giants have to do it all again next Saturday in the twilight zone of Spotless Stadium when they host The Northerners before taking a spell.  The Pies have a break in Round XII before a Thursday night challenge against Traditional Rivals Carlton to kick off Round XIII.

The Feeling Faints v The Redlegs.  This match was an absolute bottler.   The 25,217 got double their moneys worth.  Imagine taking your brother-in-law from Birmingham – the one that has a lot to say about Our Indigenous Game – and asking him if he had the energy to burn a few cars after barracking for Four Nailbiting Quarters of Football.  (Or FIFA headquarters, surely that must be the next step for World Game Fans – Ed)  Seeing the scores all locked up at the last change of ends would be no surprize to him.  But at 11-9 apiece, not nil-all.  And for the Appalling Football League, why didn’t you have this match on free-to-air?  It was a great rebound for The Redlegs – from last week’s drubbing on the QBW Blockbuster.  And it was another tempering of the steel Alan Richardson is putting into The Saints.  We would like to think Brendan Goddard was watching.  He’s not going to get that Premiership Medallion out at Melrose Drive, but he could have been part of the re-build at Eel Race Road.  (And a One Club Player – Ed)  The Dees have to undergo their annual examination down at Kardinia Park.  The Sainters have a bye before hoisting The Doggies on Saturday night in Round XXIII.

And remember, if you read it in The Wrap you’ll know it’s not crap.


About John Mosig

I'm an Aussie Rules tragic who can remember, as a four year old, shaking the hand of Captain Blood in the rooms just before he ran out onto the ground after half time, as my Old Man slipped him a packet of under-the-counter Craven A cork tipped. Now it's my turn to take my grandson Ben through the ritual of character building that is the journey through PUNT ROAD to the outside world.


  1. Skip of Skipton says

    Collingwood had an 8 point win yesterday Mr. Wrap, so should be 60.5, otherwise it’s all correct.

  2. Thanks Skip. I’ll keep trying.

    BTW Mr B, I meant to write earlier. The mutton bird gales aren’t an original – at least not by me. Actually, the term was used a bit out of context; they’re the spring winds that bring the shearwaters in from Alaska & Siberia, and off course the autumnal winds that take them back. Or so the mythology goes.

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