The Grass Is Always Greener

Embarrassing Football Moments No. 3,204


The Grass Is Always Greener.


I played a lot of footy with Brendo, many years ago. Better than that, we were mates. It was good to come home for a few days. To catch up.

He’d done well in the years I’d been away. Worked hard and used the money to build a three-storey house overlooking the valley, not one hour from the surf beaches. Had a great wife, and kid. Sitting there drinking until well after lights out, with that view, it almost felt like the pair of us were intruding on someone else’s life.

Eventually we were hammered. Enough to be honest.

“You know one of the things that’s great about your Missus? She loves footy, ” I told him.

“Yeah, well, you’re still playing,” he said. “For fuck’s sake.”

He sounded happy for me, but like echoes. As if he was holding back something.

It was late. I nudged him by repeating myself. Just to see if I could re-press that button. Kick something loose.

“I know she barracks for Carlton, but your footy doesn’t have to be a guilty pleasure. Or even tolerated. You can share it.”

“Yeah,” he moped into his bourbon.

“I’ve never been so lucky.”


I gave it more silence. He gave me a look. Just to be sure it was me.

“When we’re having sex she’ll go ‘Ssh, ssh, ssh!’ and I’ll say ‘What?’ and she’ll say ‘Shut up! Don’t say anything!’ and I know she’s picturing Bryce Gibbs,” he told me.

I didn’t know what to say, so poured us both doubles, like comic books. He gave me a funny little smile.

“Yep,” he told me, “I say ‘You’re picturing Bryce, again, aren’t you?’ and she’ll go ‘Ssh! Ssh! Don’t spoil it…’”

We both had a chuckle. I felt glad to be there for him. The poor fucker. It wasn’t nothing, but it wasn’t the end of the earth.



  1. Malby Dangles says

    Ouch! A good reason to be happy that my wife hates footy.

  2. Andrew Fithall says


    On her (newly created) facebook page, my wife has a picture, taken last week, of herself with her current beau Jimmy Bartels. She graduated to him when Tom Harley retired. I keep getting older and they keep getting younger.

  3. Turbo,

    I note (without glee) last Sunday’s result. I was actually on side.

    I can get back on the Scotch now.

  4. AF – your wife has made an outstanding choice. Except its Bartel without the ‘s’

  5. Andrew Fithall says

    It just seems like there is more than one Dips…

  6. Matt Zurbo says

    Andrew, yeah, I have a friend in the same boat with Jimmy. The boy has a lot to answer for!

    Thanks Ghost Who Walks! More on that later.

  7. Tell your mate to hang tough, Matt. Like most things it works itself out with time.
    The Avenging Eagle always had the hots for Guy McKenna. Then he went to Collingwood and the pinups came down. Gold Coast just proves he’s a footy tart.
    They come back to the real stuff in the end.

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