The Grand Final Pre Wrap



What a week it’s been in Football Eddie? In fact it’s the last week we have left of the 2014 Toyota Premiership Season before we descend into The Long Dark Summer.  You got your head around that, or are you still busy summing up the odds of a Back-to-back Flag, or preparing yourselves for a Buddy Fanfare from Sin City?

We survived Blondes’ Night, and a worthier winner is hard to imagine. But without distracting from Matt Priddis’ fine achievement, isn’t it about time we looked at how the Brownlow is decided?

For starters, let’s drop this archaic rule about a suspended player being ineligible. That surely went out the door when they changed the Fairest & Best to best and fairest.  And awarded the medal to Dipper & Diesel.  And as for continuing to award votes to players who have been suspended, it surely has to be the height of stupidity.

Then there’s the players who missed out on votes yet made it through to Club B&Fs and/or the All Australian Team.  Some hardly rated a mention on Blondes’ Night.  The solution?  Let’s do away with all this tiresome subjective crap and just use the Dream Team Points to determine who was the best footballer of the season.  And while you’re at it, give the All Australian Blazers to the positional players who scored highest as well.  It’ll save a lot of Tasmania being pulped.  (Is that it Wrap?  Not sure you should be taking these little breaks in the wilderness.  BTW, how did that Hilux 4×4 Toyota lent you go in the desert? – Ed)

No, not quite Oh Revered Reviser of Rote. Just let it be said, and you heard it here first from the Wraproom, that Free Agency is going to be the end of the Game as we know it. And I’ll give you another one.  This one’s not original either but where would we be without plagiarism?  Good grief, we’d have to fall back on clichés. Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it. Just google The Coulter Law and see what you come up with.

While we’ve got you there; what’s this about two entertainers now? One from Wales and one from England.  The Gringes at Jellymont House really are slow learners aren’t they?  Or just dumb as hundekacke.

Oh, and we can’t let the season go without mention of The Power From Port. Add Paddy Ryder to that list and you’re looking at next year’s Premiers and next years Jock Hale Medallist.

Watching Brownlow voting must have been excruciating for The Family Club Faithful. Equal 2nd was Lance “Buddy” Franklin.  Equal 4th was Josh “Third Generation” Kennedy.  Are we alone in thinking those two names might just come back to bite them on the bum on Saturday.

But enough of my yackin’. Let’s see who’s going to be unfurling the Premiership Pennant next season.

Let’s get right into it from the start, eh? Sydney are the hottest favourites since Collingwood took on Brisbane in 2002.  They’ve got devastatingly powerful forwards.  A midfield that can hold its own with the best of them.  A battle-hardened backline that can concentrate for the whole 100 Minutes.   A Bloods’ Culture built on ferocity and teamwork, and skills honed to perfection.  Add to that a week off followed by a practice drill against last Friday night.  Oh, and they’ve hit some devastating form.

The Hawks can match them in the quality of their defence and the ferocity of their style of play. And have a multi-pronged attack that can rip you apart in a few furious minutes of football.  These two teams didn’t finish One & Two by accident.  In fact you’d say The Hawks had the tougher draw to get there.  The Swans started the season slowly but have been building momentum since Round V.  But they did drop that Round XXIII match against The Rampaging Tigers.  (The Tiges also gave them a run for their money in Round XIV – Ed)  True, they rested a few gun players – such as Pyke, Kennedy & Franklin – but the point is they’re not invincible, and the two key missing links were clearly indeified – Franklin & Kennedy.  A picture forming here for you?

The Hawks have put Langford on Kennedy. Fair dinkum you’d ride down under the tarpaulin on the mail truck from Tibooburra for this clash wouldn’t you?  Two Sons of Guns whose Dads wore The GoldenBrown of Glenferrie Oval Greatness lined up in opposing colours in what will be one of the many deciding contests of this intriguing match.

Holding down Buddy may be seen as another key to a Hawthorn Victory. But he’s not a one-man forward line.  Big Kurt hasn’t done much, but he hasn’t had to.  He leaves the Sydney attack a man down when the ball hits the ground and if Gibson & Burchall can make the most of this it‘ll create a lot of rebound.  If they can’t they’re going to be under siege.

The Hawks can score from any angle and any position. They have a mobile forward line with awareness and sublime skills with both foot and hand.  With Roughie, Hale, Gunston & McEvoy all capable of hauling in big grabs they can match The Bloods’ forward aerial strength.

The Swans appear to have an edge in pace, but The Mustard Pots have a couple of X-Factors in Hill & Riolli. So that comes down to The Gamble.  Is The Squirrel up for the full 100 Minutes, or is he going to be held back as the Master Blaster in the Green Cape, running on to a roar of 100,000 Leafblowers to turn the match at a crucial stage?

The midfields are tough and even. Sydney shade The Squawkers in youth but Hodgie & Mitchell don’t look like slowing down any time soon.  Holding Kennedy will be a key contest.  He adds a touch of brilliance to the Blue Collar Sydney Midfield.

Look, The Tinseltowners are the form side, and The Mayblooms have got the job in front of them. In fact, a doubtful holding-the-ball free to their Skipper in the Power’s attacking zone in the dyeing stages of last Saturday’s match may have got them through to TLSIS.  But that’s The Hawthorn Way.  The true meaning of what ever it takes.  On their day they can pull this one off.  Homeground advantage – and there’s nothing more intimidating than The Leafblowers Faithful in full throat – will help.  And the fact that there are a few wearing The GoldenBrown out there to morrow who may be playing in their last Grand Final.  You whistle and I’ll point.  And when they’re Too Old and Too Slow around at Ausdoc Oval, The Slow & The Old get going.

The Hawks to win in an absolute thriller. Cyril to come on and produce some Final Stanza Magic.  McEvoy to take three or four saving marks at crucial stages in the same electrifying finish.  Hale to clunk a couple of his trademark grabs dead in front.  Roughie to snap a couple more as The Hawkers come storming home.

The Norm Smith going to Will Langford for his creative game and nullifying Josh Kennedy’s influence.

Here comes the nurse with my medication. I’ll catch you Monday.

Good tipping and even better punting.

And remember, if you read it in the Wrap, you’ll know it’s not crap.

About John Mosig

I'm an Aussie Rules tragic who can remember, as a four year old, shaking the hand of Captain Blood in the rooms just before he ran out onto the ground after half time, as my Old Man slipped him a packet of under-the-counter Craven A cork tipped. Now it's my turn to take my grandson Ben through the ritual of character building that is the journey through PUNT ROAD to the outside world.


  1. Did Mrs Wrap put you up to that tip? I know I’m afraid of the Avenging Eagle. More than my life’s worth to tip against her boys. I get a dig in the ribs every time I yell “Nic Nait you usele………..”
    Enjoy the lunch and the game.

  2. It came to me in a dream Mr B. And in reality, it will be a Bloods’ Nightmare if they lose. Although the money’s saying Sydney, SOTG aren’t so sure.

  3. daniel flesch says

    Thanks for the favourable and typically entertaining tip , Mr. The Wrap. I think it will be a nail-biter , Eddie and , am much relieved Razor Ray Chaimberlain will be playing no part in it. Even better if there are no shots of Kennett on the telly either. I’d like to know who decided Josh Kennedy had no future at Hawthorn , and what they think of that decision now. Langford the Younger a real goer , but too small for the job . Cyril’s hammy a big worry – just the tension on the day could snap it e.g. Judd this year .Injury to a key player has influenced the odd Premiership . Will this year’s G.F. be an example ?

  4. Daniel M’boy, we live in hope, survive on dreams, rejoice in reality. It can be done, but she’s a long shot. Pull this one off and it in the words of Paul Keating – it will be the Sweetest Victory Of All.

  5. Earl O'Neill says

    Free agency will change football? – it already has and will do so, more and more. Great player in a shit team? He’ll move to a team with a chance.
    Swans have had another day to recover, Why does no-one else mention this?
    Save my soul! (WImple Winch 1966)

  6. Grant Fraser says

    Funny – one of the things that (probably) sealed the fate for Kennedy the Even Younger was his fluffed attempted pass to Judas when he should have had a shot and saved the game against the Kee-yats (in one of the “unimportant” losses). Deep cover operatives?

  7. We’re not talking conspiracy theory here are we Grant?

    Wimple Winch every time Mopsy. Tom who?

  8. Righto Mr Wrap. In for a penny in for a pound. Might as well let you know what I really think about Buddy. I have watched him for a lot of years, and he has never kicked goals on Glass or Mackenzie.
    I think he is a bully man-child who likes to intimidate with his physical presence. Few can match it with him for strength and speed. Who has he played on in the finals this year? Silvagni – who matched him except for 10 minutes in the last quarter. He rag dolled Thompson from North who just isn’t big enough – and some of his shoves before the ball arrived – should have been whistled if the maggots weren’t so star struck.
    When you can match him physically he sulks. Against Mackenzie this year he tried to push him around, and copped more in return than he gave. After half time he took himself to the midfield and ran around chasing kicks.
    I reckon Gibson can match him, and Lake is strong enough to counter Tippet.
    In 2012 Buddy cost the Hawks the flag by demanding the ball and kicking points. Last year Clarko banished him to a decoy midfield role and they won.
    Its the year of the good guys and humble champs. Hawkers for me.
    Regards to Mrs Wrap from the Avenging Eagle.

  9. Like the way you’re thinking Mr B. It has a ring of truth and wisdom about it. BTW, when are you going back to Perth? And Mrs Wrap reciprocates tell TAE.

  10. Ed Sheeran will be a fine singer when his voice breaks. Bring bake Mr Loaf.

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