The Grand Final Pre Wrap

THE PRE GRAND FINAL WRAP

THE ULTIMATE MATCH OF THE HOME & AWAY SERIES FOR THE 2014 TOYOTA PREMIERSHIP SEASON

What a week it’s been in Football Eddie? In fact it’s the last week we have left of the 2014 Toyota Premiership Season before we descend into The Long Dark Summer.  You got your head around that, or are you still busy summing up the odds of a Back-to-back Flag, or preparing yourselves for a Buddy Fanfare from Sin City?

We survived Blondes’ Night, and a worthier winner is hard to imagine. But without distracting from Matt Priddis’ fine achievement, isn’t it about time we looked at how the Brownlow is decided?

For starters, let’s drop this archaic rule about a suspended player being ineligible. That surely went out the door when they changed the Fairest & Best to best and fairest.  And awarded the medal to Dipper & Diesel.  And as for continuing to award votes to players who have been suspended, it surely has to be the height of stupidity.

Then there’s the players who missed out on votes yet made it through to Club B&Fs and/or the All Australian Team.  Some hardly rated a mention on Blondes’ Night.  The solution?  Let’s do away with all this tiresome subjective crap and just use the Dream Team Points to determine who was the best footballer of the season.  And while you’re at it, give the All Australian Blazers to the positional players who scored highest as well.  It’ll save a lot of Tasmania being pulped.  (Is that it Wrap?  Not sure you should be taking these little breaks in the wilderness.  BTW, how did that Hilux 4×4 Toyota lent you go in the desert? – Ed)

No, not quite Oh Revered Reviser of Rote. Just let it be said, and you heard it here first from the Wraproom, that Free Agency is going to be the end of the Game as we know it. And I’ll give you another one.  This one’s not original either but where would we be without plagiarism?  Good grief, we’d have to fall back on clichés. Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it. Just google The Coulter Law and see what you come up with.

While we’ve got you there; what’s this about two entertainers now? One from Wales and one from England.  The Gringes at Jellymont House really are slow learners aren’t they?  Or just dumb as hundekacke.

Oh, and we can’t let the season go without mention of The Power From Port. Add Paddy Ryder to that list and you’re looking at next year’s Premiers and next years Jock Hale Medallist.

Watching Brownlow voting must have been excruciating for The Family Club Faithful. Equal 2^nd was Lance “Buddy” Franklin.  Equal 4^th was Josh “Third Generation” Kennedy.  Are we alone in thinking those two names might just come back to bite them on the bum on Saturday.

But enough of my yackin’. Let’s see who’s going to be unfurling the Premiership Pennant next season.

Let’s get right into it from the start, eh? Sydney are the hottest favourites since Collingwood took on Brisbane in 2002.  They’ve got devastatingly powerful forwards.  A midfield that can hold its own with the best of them.  A battle-hardened backline that can concentrate for the whole 100 Minutes.   A Bloods’ Culture built on ferocity and teamwork, and skills honed to perfection.  Add to that a week off followed by a practice drill against last Friday night.  Oh, and they’ve hit some devastating form.

The Hawks can match them in the quality of their defence and the ferocity of their style of play. And have a multi-pronged attack that can rip you apart in a few furious minutes of football.  These two teams didn’t finish One & Two by accident.  In fact you’d say The Hawks had the tougher draw to get there.  The Swans started the season slowly but have been building momentum since Round V.  But they did drop that Round XXIII match against The Rampaging Tigers.  (The Tiges also gave them a run for their money in Round XIV – Ed)  True, they rested a few gun players – such as Pyke, Kennedy & Franklin – but the point is they’re not invincible, and the two key missing links were clearly indeified – Franklin & Kennedy.  A picture forming here for you?

The Hawks have put Langford on Kennedy. Fair dinkum you’d ride down under the tarpaulin on the mail truck from Tibooburra for this clash wouldn’t you?  Two Sons of Guns whose Dads wore The GoldenBrown of Glenferrie Oval Greatness lined up in opposing colours in what will be one of the many deciding contests of this intriguing match.

Holding down Buddy may be seen as another key to a Hawthorn Victory. But he’s not a one-man forward line.  Big Kurt hasn’t done much, but he hasn’t had to.  He leaves the Sydney attack a man down when the ball hits the ground and if Gibson & Burchall can make the most of this it‘ll create a lot of rebound.  If they can’t they’re going to be under siege.

The Hawks can score from any angle and any position. They have a mobile forward line with awareness and sublime skills with both foot and hand.  With Roughie, Hale, Gunston & McEvoy all capable of hauling in big grabs they can match The Bloods’ forward aerial strength.

The Swans appear to have an edge in pace, but The Mustard Pots have a couple of X-Factors in Hill & Riolli. So that comes down to The Gamble.  Is The Squirrel up for the full 100 Minutes, or is he going to be held back as the Master Blaster in the Green Cape, running on to a roar of 100,000 Leafblowers to turn the match at a crucial stage?

The midfields are tough and even. Sydney shade The Squawkers in youth but Hodgie & Mitchell don’t look like slowing down any time soon.  Holding Kennedy will be a key contest.  He adds a touch of brilliance to the Blue Collar Sydney Midfield.

Look, The Tinseltowners are the form side, and The Mayblooms have got the job in front of them. In fact, a doubtful holding-the-ball free to their Skipper in the Power’s attacking zone in the dyeing stages of last Saturday’s match may have got them through to TLSIS.  But that’s The Hawthorn Way.  The true meaning of what ever it takes.  On their day they can pull this one off.  Homeground advantage – and there’s nothing more intimidating than The Leafblowers Faithful in full throat – will help.  And the fact that there are a few wearing The GoldenBrown out there to morrow who may be playing in their last Grand Final.  You whistle and I’ll point.  And when they’re Too Old and Too Slow around at Ausdoc Oval, The Slow & The Old get going.

The Hawks to win in an absolute thriller. Cyril to come on and produce some Final Stanza Magic.  McEvoy to take three or four saving marks at crucial stages in the same electrifying finish.  Hale to clunk a couple of his trademark grabs dead in front.  Roughie to snap a couple more as The Hawkers come storming home.

The Norm Smith going to Will Langford for his creative game and nullifying Josh Kennedy’s influence.

Here comes the nurse with my medication. I’ll catch you Monday.

Good tipping and even better punting.

And remember, if you read it in the Wrap, you’ll know it’s not crap.