The destruction of Collingwood

The Collingwood Army marched down to the ‘G,
Its numbers like waves on the Great Southern Sea.
The swirl of its colours aloft and beneath,
Eerily echoed the horde’s missing teeth.

‘Back to back’ was their mantra and oft did it ring.
There are few things more noisy than Magpies in spring.
For Mick they would triumph, to grace his last spell,
And for Nick they would Max-out their vow to do -well.

First bounce brought a roar as the crowd did agree
That nobody wanted more Meatloaf for tea.
The crowd roared again scarce ten seconds from ‘go’
At the speed and the balance of Travis Varcoe.

The JPod went down.  The bleachers did ring
‘By ChrisT and by Harry, we’re a Jolly Shaw thing!’
They led; there was chanting both fair and uncouth,
But the quarter two margin was Cloking the truth.

Though they kept on trying, a blind ump could smell
That no Pie was as tasty as Jimmy Bartel.
In the last they were struck by typhoon Tomahawk,
Who chopped them to morsels to fit knife and fork.

The end?  It came quickly.  They were back on the dole
As the Red Knight of St Joey put through the last goal.
The Magpie may flourish, but it’s more than a trick
When you’ve only a beak versus handbag and brick.

They came with their vaunts that did never abate
That two flags in a row was their ordainéd fate.
They left with a dirge heard all over the land,
Their hopes and their dreams nought but Hun-driven sand.



  1. DBalassone says

    Being a Collingwood fan, I did not want to be reminded of this….

    But being a Lord Byron fan, I have to say I am very impressed. The old anapestic tetrameter is a beauty. Good work!

  2. The dynasty over before it had begun
    that fickle Milne bounce produced them to just one
    then next year’ disaster of no Mick but an invisible Cloke
    he ‘s now got what he wanted that’s one helluva joke

  3. Barkly St End says

    The title of the thread made my eyes open up wide.

    Could it really be true?

    Nah – looks like they’ll still be there next season, in all their unpleasant and uncouth glory.

  4. Not sure how old Ryan Z is but this reminds me of the kind of poetry I used to write in Form Three. Only I think my juvenillia was a little less triumphalist.

  5. Three year olds and poems about Collingwood.

    I think you’re on to something there Dave.

    I thought it was rather good. Keep up the good work Ryan.

  6. John Harms says

    I am never referring to Cameron Ling by his name again. He will be forever The Red Knight of St Joey.

  7. Oh what original work! Young Ryan has heard somewhere that Collingwood supporters are working class and have poor teeth. Gee, no-one’s ever made that joke before.

  8. Predictable & boring.


  9. That’s no way for a true believer to describe the Pies Bakes. Shame on you.

  10. Jeff Dowsing says

    I opened this link expecting to see an article about the ongoing problems of alcohol consumption and drug dealing on Smith Street. Or maybe horrid property developments destroying the lovely old Edwardians in Abbotsford.

    Ah well, it’s good to see the horse and drays are doing a good job spreading news of the Grand Final of 13 months ago to Greater Geelong and the Western District. Some nice prose in there I spose.

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