The Commentary Box: Melbourne’s Mangled Metaphors

(An occasional infrequent series in which we look back retrospectively at previous games from past weeks)

Whilst the Round 2 loss by the Demons against the Dons opened the floodgates to Pandora’s box of worms for the MFC, hidden out of view amongst the commentary that evening were a few gems of mangled language that deserve a second repeating.

Some of the verbal spoken audio utterings were almost unique and irregardless of your interest in either football and/or the English language, they are worth looking at once more again.

Matthew Richardson on Ch. 7 stated that one act by a Melbourne player was “unexcusable”

Brian Taylor, again on 7, was impressed with Dustin Fletcher, describing him as “an old veteran”

David Schwartz, on SEN, was frustrated when an Essendon player “ran past a stagnant Jones”

And after the game, a bewildered and shocked Jack Grimes hoped that the club wouldn’t “defracture” as a result of the loss.

At least since that game, Melbourne have been looking forward into the future and have tried through their coach to be optimistically positive.

They can, in my view, comfort themselves that this weekend’s game against the Giants will be a game of two halves, although I think that going into the game thinking the win is theirs for the taking would be taking an a blasé fair attitude.

About Sean Curtain

"He was born with a gift of laughter, and a sense that the world was mad". First line of 'Scaramouche' by Sabatini, always liked that.


  1. Andrew Fithall says

    I love all this Sean.

    One that irritates me for a couple of reasons is the “bouncedown”. The first reason is that I think it should be removed from the game because the negatives far outweigh any usefulness. The second is that if it was to be a bouncedown then it could only be performed at Docklands, which has a roof. Everywhere else, the ball bounces up.


  2. Excellent work Sean. However, you’re use of the word “irregardless” could be seen as contentious itself. Sorry, married to an editor.

  3. Matty Q

    Then don’t let her see you wrote ‘you’re’ instead of your!!

  4. Touché. I won’t.

  5. I thought irregardless was part of the act? And on it, whenever I hear someone use it, it sounds OK … bar one man: Eddie McQuire: he uses it all the time and it always betrays him.

  6. Peter Fuller says

    Are you familiar with Lawrence Money’s work in recording the more amusing examples of radio commentators’ malapropisms and solecisms, I guess back in the 1980s. He was then writing for the Herald and these provided regular column fillers. Jack Dyer earned a chapter in Money’s little collection of these gems, and the commentators were as fearful of having their failings drawn to LM’s attention as contemporary journalists quake at the prospect of Johnathan Holmes’ Media watch’s focus.

  7. Peter

    Thanks for the tip. I grew up with the Captain and the Major on 3KZ and heard some of Jack’s mistakes although didn’t know Mooney’s coverage of them. I think I saw a book come out recently though of many of Jack’s comments. I remember him saying something like the ruckmen’s arms went up like an octopus’s testicles!

    Sunday arvo I heard Michael Christian say that a North player “kicks to a central location in the centre of the ground” so no issues getting a visual on that description


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