The Beeaanly Bugle: In The Beeaanginning




The Beeaanly Bugle


In The Beeaanginning.


On a December night in 2019, eight mates came together to play their first game of basketball together, many of them playing their first organised game since childhood, or ever. As to be expected they lost, badly. But on that fateful December night, The Beeaans were born…


The story of how The Beeaans became a true squad is possibly similar to many teams of young adults, and that is connecting through video games. Beginning in 2019, a few mates, nicknamed Grandpa Bean, Kamanchi, Skip, Lockstock, Pigwan, Chinwag, Moss, and No Ice purchased, or already owned, NBA 2K19, a basketball simulation video game produced by American video game organisation Take Two. After a few months of playing together online, they thought “this game’s too easy, let’s try it in real life”. This was the first of many questionable decisions.


The next questionable decision made by this group of gronks was the name. The Beeaans. You may have noticed, this isn’t the normal spelling of the word, and there’s a reason for that, but more on that later. What’s a bean (other than the obvious answer)? And what does that have to do with basketball? Well this is where the NBA 2K comes into the equation, to keep things simple, the shooting mechanism requires a timing bar, and when timed perfectly, the bar flashes green. The bar is also somewhat bean shaped, so it looks like a green bean, and that is where the name of the beans came from. And as for the extra vowels, NBA 2K has strict rules against swearing and bad words being put into team names, and for some reason or another, beans is flagged as bad language, so some improvising was needed. And as Lockstock so eloquently puts it, “it’s not just beans, it’s The Beeaans”.






Every Beeaan is not equal. In height, stature, and experience, each member of The Beeaans is unique. The ‘guards’, or the closest thing The Beeaans have to a back court, are Kamanchi, who played half a season for the well-known Seahawks United, in a Frankston church league before The Beeaans were formed, Chinwag, who played one season of Under 10s, before going into a temporary retirement that puts Michael Jordan’s NBA hiatus to shame, and No Ice, who once filled in for his mates’ team when he was 15 for a single game. A collection of just a handful of games between the three.


Moving up the court, the wings – Moss, Lockstock and Grandpa Bean – have vastly differing experiences. Moss and Lockstock, when asked about their previous experience responded Moss: “I’d never played before.”, and Lockstock just said: “N/A”. But this is where The Beeaans experience levels turn around. Grandpa Bean has played since he was 11, originally to prepare for the upcoming footy season, before realising he was no good at footy, and actually somewhat talented at basketball. He played representative basketball from under 12s, all the way through to under 20s. He won a state championship, and his league’s most improved player in that season, before he moved into the Youth League, and the Country Basketball League. He also once played against current NBA player Dante Exum, not that he’s ever mentioned it (he definitely has). When he was 17, the Grandpa was invited to fly to Texas to try out for college teams (low tier, maybe reaching mid-tier), however, was unable to go.


Now, the big men, who bang down low in the paint, the Pigwan, and Skip. The Pigwan, much like Chinwag, played one season of Under 8s basketball, and pulled his best Dennis Rodman impersonation, disappearing when the basketball world needed him most. His reintroduction to basketball brought new life to the beast, who plies his trade almost exclusively in the key – the boy can hardly count to three. And Skip, the tallest Beeaan, he began playing basketball when he was five, on the Westernport jelly ball scene, another experienced baller, he played representative ball, but never took it too seriously. He disappeared for three years, before The Beeaans recalled him from the basketball wilderness, and into the lower grades of domestic basketball. During his hiatus, he played two’s footy on the Peninsula, and is currently enjoying a basketball renaissance, in which he has plans to make a return to playing in a more competitive setting.



Mitch: point god [sic]


So we had our squad. We just needed a jersey. Where else for The Beeaans to get their first ever jersey, than the First Ever customisable jersey to really solidify the look we are aiming for. The Beeaans really have all the gear, and no idea.



Lockstock modeling.




Here we see Lockstock, a man who had never set foot on the court, rocking the long skins, and full black Nike LeBron Soldier 13’s kicks. If this doesn’t epitomise the saying ‘all the gear, and no idea’, I don’t know what does.


That’s all for this week, come back next week to find out about The Beeaans Season 1, and hear all about The Beeaans: From D to E.





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  1. Colin Ritchie says

    Good luck Connor and team mates, sounds a real hoot!

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