The Ashes – Fourth Test, Melbourne Day 1: Citrus Bob’s Cricket Snicks
BOXING DAY
Cricket Snicks
It was so cold at the ‘G’ this morning I thought I was at a football match. It was definitely under 10 when I arrived and tried to get in on my media pass. No such luck. Because I did not have a seat my pass was refused.
Only a minor incident for this old fart. Finally got inside and put on my jacket that I always take to the cricket. So many people wearing shorts.
Well so much for the ‘bold’ Australian selectors. Golden Boy retains his spot and they bring in two medium fast bowlers in Richardson and Neser. Just what does Beau Webster have to do to get a guernsey?
The Viking wins the toss and sends Australia in. It worked a treat with Josh Tongue producing his best ever figures of 5/45. Glad I am not doing the daily report as I can not think of a suitable introduction.
Lunch breaks have been significant in this series. Khawaja and Carey had played comfortably before lunch to resurrect GB (Cameron Green) at last looked in an attacking mood. We all knew he had to do ‘something’ but ran himself out with a stop start to get to the bowlers end.
Nesser attacked the bowling but had no one in the bottom half to help him and he top scored with 35.
The highlight of the morning Jacob Bethell’s jocks . Can’t remember what they said but they got some applause. Are they plural?
For some reason they are using theEnglish method on TV with players names and I was delighted to see that Gus Atkinson parents must be in the print media as they have given him the initials AAP.
Not too many players, particularly from the ‘old country’ have three Christian names and only SPD Smith and Gus took the field today.
Ben The Viking must have been delighted when Australia were all out of 152 and was thinking at last we’ve got em.
Oh no, good lord! Right from the start when Ben ‘I confess’ spooned the easiest catch this season from Starc to Nesser. Albion was in trouble. It was if to say anything Australia can do we can do worse.
And they did 1/7 to 4/16 with the afformentioned Starc and Nesser grabbing two each. Once again it was up to Ben to hold the fort with Brook.
Don’t know what to make of Brook. First ball he charged down the pitch and continued to do so through his innings of 41. He did mix it with some fine strokes. Amused that he had his long sleeved ‘white’ acrylic jumper pulled up to his elbows like his playing up country.
The moment all Melbourne had been waiting for Scott ‘The King’ at the bowling crease. Didn’t let them down Brook, Smith and Jacks all fell to him and at one stage he had 3/18 as the Poms were pummelled.
Despite some lusty hitting from AAP, the Albion finished 42 runs short. AAP 28. Nesser 4/45, Boland 3/30, Starc 2/23 and GB 1/0
Australia fronted a second time with Head and ‘Mr Melbourne’ Scott Boland. yes, BOLAND who even took strike. This was to be a royal moment as Boland survived a fiery over from AAP with a four to boot. He was given a rousing reception for every ball he played. Head joined in the fun and games when he allowed MR Melbourne King to lead him from the ground at the end of the oval after an eventful day at the office.
Who says cricket is not fun?
Citrus Bob inside the Patrick Dangerfield Media Room
More stories from Citrus Bob Utber can be read Here.
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About Bob Utber
At 86 years of age Citrus Bob is doing what he has always done since growing up on a small farm at Lang Lang. Talking, watching and writing sport and in recent years writing books. He lives in Mildura with his very considerate wife (Jenny) and a groodle named 'Chloe on Flinders' and can be found at Deakin 27 every day.
10 pin bowling indeed! Mystery why the selectors persevere with CG. Must be the million dollar smirk. Someone said it is harder to go out of the Oz team, than get in.
Amazing first day, very similar to the opening day of the Centenary Test: hopefully same result.
The first day reflects much about the two sides. An over rated touring team, an average home team. Two batting collapses, and wickets for bowlers who bowled well.
When this test, this series, is over, where to for Australia’s test side? Re the batting, Smith is a champion, Head is a hit and miss type, but when he hits, he’s a match winner. Marnus, Usman, time to go. Green looking more and more like M. Marsh, each test.
I’d like Beau Webster to reclaim his spot in Sydney. The ageing bowlers still deliver, and as they’re fading away the bowlers who’ve waited to get a match, fill in very well.
One last point is the joy you get watching the Barmy Army. Witty, and knowledgeable, their rendition of ‘God Save Your King’ sums up the paucity of considering Australia as being an independent, mature nation.
Glen!
Fun! Fun? I thought Ashes Tests were supposed to be fierce combat between mortal enemies?
How standards have slipped – even yours CB. Say it isn’t so.
This Test is like Carlton v Essendon – 80,000 routinely turn up out of hope and habit.
I commented to JB yesterday that “Tests” would become 5 consecutive T20 games with “double or nothing” if someone goes 3-0 down.
I just hadn’t expected it so soon.
Modern professional sport is just a subsidiary of corporate bookies, broadcasters and the entertainment/marketing industry.
CA/ECB/ICC would all sell their grandma for threepence.
Don’t join them CB – rail against the dying of the light!
(PS – Ease up on GB – he was the best of a bad lot yesterday)
GRAEBOY -“Ten Pin Bowling” brilliant statement if ever I saw one. Golden Boy takes one wicket and the selectors pat themselves on their backs.
GLEN- I don’t think this game will go past tomorrow. Great reference to Green and Mitch Marsh. He looked like hitting himself out of his slump but then ran himself out. Certainly not Neser’s fault. They MUST play Webster in Sydney. Can’t remember when he last played but deserves a game.
PB – Sorry for the late reply. Have been at Jolimont Terrace helping the bean counters trying to find more income from the rubbish bins.
Until sport and the government finally decide that tobacco and horse poo are not good for a green pitch then cricket will come to its senses or will we still have to grovel to the BCCI?
A cricket ground curator is always on a hiding to nothing! What about the administrators who have determined that BB not they BB is a big blame.
Anyway continue to groumbe throughout 2026 dear Scrooge!