The 2020 Good For Football Cup – Round 7

Greetings Tipsters,


It’s been a grand week for football. Oscar Compson’s tweet that he would like to marry Mike Daniels at halftime of the Grand Final, especially if he was playing, sent social media nuclear. Rumours that Sam Newman reversed his Lamborghini over Fast Eddie’s foot have been inflamed by Ed toddling around on crutches, claiming to have sprained his ankle while having a kick with his sons. Down here at the office, we reckon there is more truth in the story about his sons but nowhere near the whole truth. Rumours that his eldest was seen purchasing a Carlton guernsey are yet to be proven.


The Saints had another red hot go but didn’t come up with the points. The Magpies have settled down in the last few weeks, got it together and going about their business in a clinically efficient manner. Collingwood 14.17.101, St Kilda 11.14.80


Schoolies at home could become a dangerous mission for those at the lower reaches of the ladder by the end of this season. Gold Coast 12.16.88, Adelaide 8.12.60.


Satarvo at the Home Of Football, there was more than a sprinkling of orange in the stands for the Grand Final Replay. The first term was much like that of last time these teams met, a sense of feeling each other out, testing boundaries but not pushing them. There was even a late goal to Tigers who led by 7 points at the break, 3.3 v 2.2. There endeth the resemblance. The second was a much more physical affair in the clinches, Monaros seeking expiation through hard work and brutal tackling, holding their nerve on the outside and moving the ball with precision. As did Tigers, who regained the lead shortly before the long break, 7.5 v 6.6. Perhaps they got to feeling cocky, ‘cos they didn’t have an answer for the questions thrown at them in the next 15 minutes when the Monaros kicked four goals to nothing in a brilliant burst of hard, fast football. They clawed back in the latter stages, 9.7 v 11.6 at the tension-laden last break. The last term was one for the ages, stifling when each team fought to deny the other a chance, football poetry when they took the chance. The Tigers dug deep and their fans rose as one when Lynch launched a long, high kick from centre half-forward. The end fell off the parabola, Davis took a pack mark in the goalsquare and bulleted a handball as players ran into space, the siren rang half a step before Greene dropped the ball onto his foot 55 yards out. Houli, Cotchin and Riewoldt (three goals) were the best for Richmond, Coniglio, Kelly, Greene the best for GWS. Truly, the greatest game of the season so far and unlikely to be matched. Richmond 14.9.93, GWS 14.9.93.


When joining ‘AFL’ Port considered nicknames such as ‘Sharks’ and ‘Dolphins’ but settled for ‘Power.’ Still searching for redemption. Port 15.12.102, Carlton 12.9.83


This could have been a risky match, the Cats going handbaggish and the Lions snatching a few bags this year. Out of nowhere, Hawkins kicked seven. It was a performance worthy of Doug Wade in a match that hearkened to the era. Geelong 16.12.108, Brisbane 13.14.92


Dogs had a rotten slow start to the season, now hitting a good groove. Hawks, vice versa. Footscray 12.17.89, Hawthorn 8.13.61


‘Buddy’s back, blazes brilliant” Or something. I’ll leave it to a sub-editor at the Daily Telegraph to take that one away. Jesinta must have him going vegan, slimmer than he’s been for years, played on the wing, kicked two and set up three of Blakey’s five. Brown also kicked five, it was almost late ’90s. Sydney 15.15.105, North 11.14.80


Bombers have no reason to be cocky but seemed a bit that way at the start of the game. Then Dees kicked seven goals to zip in the first. By jingo, it’s taken a while to get one on the board, that’s a hell of a way to do it. Melbourne 17.15.117, Essendon 6.13.49


Sunday evening, the Western Derby. While Freo haven’t won too much this year, they have done pretty well at restricting their opponents scoring. Given the lift that derbies often produce and Fyfe’s astounding form, an upset may not have been all that unlikely. The Purps did a great job of locking the Eagles’ midfield inside football gaol. It almost worked, except that when you do break out, wouldn’t you rather have Kennedy and Darling driving the getaway car than Lobb and McCarthy? The match was notable for several dodgy umpiring decisions being cast in favour of the Purps, particularly one that gifted them a goal in the long shadows of the last break. This proved too much for three hundred or so Eagles fans who hit the ground running when the siren sang, brushing aside the ineffectual ‘security guards’ and aiming straight for the umpires’ huddle before a cop dropped to one knee and aimed his Glock at the ringleader. He fired one shot into the air, the bullet eventually giving into gravity and bouncing harmlessly off Hamish McLachlan’s shoulder while he was chatting up the mum of the 8 yr old girl he’d interviewed at half time. The ground invaders scattered and were taken into hiding by fellow Eagles fans. Police enquiries have not resulted in any viable leads but Trans-Dementia Inc, via our extensive spy network, can reveal that the ringleader, his head wrapped in a blue and yellow scarf, is likely one Peter Baulderstone. Attempts to contact him were answered by a recording of Jefferson Airplane’s ‘We Can Be Together.’ West Coast 11.14.80, Fremantle 10.9.69


Seven rounds in, we have a top four that seem to have broken away a bit. Nice geographical spread.


Cheers Tipsters,


P&C, A Stop Privatisation of Footy Production, a divisision of Trans-Dementia Inc




Our writers are independent contributors. The opinions expressed in their articles are their own. They are not the views, nor do they reflect the views, of Malarkey Publications.


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About Earl O'Neill

Freelance gardener, I've thousands of books, thousands of records, one fast motorcycle and one gorgeous smart funny sexy woman. Life's pretty darn neat.


  1. george smith says

    I know what you’re up to:

    The Orange Roughies, the new Fitzroy, will hypothetically be so cheesed off that they hypothetically didn’t get revenge on the Tigers that they, just like Essendon in 1984, will hypothetically destroy Collingwood like a chew toy in hypothetical revenge.

    I had no idea that our greatest test would come after the hypothetical titanic struggle between last years grand finalists…

    but all is not lost, at this very moment the Cardinals are bringing in their version of English Mass – a new fixture to accommodate a 17, rather than a 22 round season, with a GF at the end of October. Which makes your 2020 fixtures Latin Mass. As far as I know you can still catch Latin Mass at st Christopher’s, overlooking picturesque Manuka Oval, where the Western Sydney boys had their best wins and worst defeats.

    But as Wallace Greenslade said after The Goon Show: “it’s all in the mind, you know”

  2. Peter_B says

    Earl – you will be hearing from my lawyers. As soon as the Avenging Eagle can raise my parole money. In my defence can I say that Hamish and the umpires had it coming. The win made it all worthwhile. I’ve changed my answering message to Johnny Cash “Folsom Prison Blues”.

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