The 2018 Garo Yepremian Cup

Greetings Tipsters


Consider the situation – your team is one point down against the #1 rival, seconds on the clock, you win a free behind centre, do you: (a) kick to a teammate in space; (b) go long to the goalsquare; (c) plonk it thirty yards to a pack?


Summing up why the Pivotonians lost and why I don’t rate them a flag chance. Everyone got all la-de-da flushed with excitement over the DAS midfield but the backline is nothing to write home about, the forward line exists in an anti-Blight universe. Yes, I know they kicked a bunch of goals, but it was a case of every player chipping in and making the most of limited opportunities. Where’s Tom Hawkins at? In a season that has already featured several pieces on ‘the return of the full-forward’, he’s kicked one goal.


Good Friday, what happened to the saint? Kangaroos killed ‘er. By the gods, when there is one game on the quietest day of the year (I love it) and you’re playing, you wanna be putting your best foot forward. St Kilda were a clueless rabble, the footballers reflected the administration.


More than any other club, the Saints fixate on individuals. Trevor Barker, Tony Lockett, Nicky Winmar, Nick Riewoldt. Bloody hell, what do we do without a champion?


Adrift on a sea of indecision, just like the Bulldogs. An average team, an average coach, that pinched the pinchiest of flags. Snuck in at seventh, played the month of their lives, every card fell their way. Steve Johnson was suspended for the prelim, Aliir Aliir was injured out of the GF. Since then, managers and assistant coaches flee, Susan Alberti is snubbed, I’ve been reading the Bulldogs’ bigfooty forum and there’s a lot of disappointed folks writing focussed pieces.


Maybe the Schoolies are their second team and they can take solace. I like Stewart Dew, he doesn’t look like he’s about to pull on the boots, unless they be ugg boots, but the best stroke of fortune was Gaz finally leaving. GC have a chance to become a proper team now.


Port is the team of the week. Made the Swans look stupid (which isn’t a deep secret, but you have to be a very good team to manage it successfully) and carved out such silky-skilled sequences of play that the 10 goals to 4 second half was unsurprising.


It was a very long weekend of football, work, a Monday lunch for Dad and Mum (the roasted pork ribs went down a treat!) and Cecil B DeMille’s ‘Ten Commandments’ on teev which, we quickly realised, would be far more entertaining if we replaced the soundtrack with appropriate touches from Monty Python movies. Indeed it was.


Harem scene? “Bad Zoot, naughty Zoot!”


Slave workers scene? “I’m 37, I’m not old.”


Moses preaching scene? “You are all individuals.”


Take it to the coaches box: Luke Beveridge, “I picked a bad day to give up sniffing glue”; Brendan Bolton, any of Sir Cliff’s lines from ‘The Young Ones’, costarring Robert Morely as Big Al Clarkson; Nathan Buckley, “Nobody’s perfect”; Ross Lyon, “I coulda been a contender!”


And I think to myself, what a wonderful world.


Cheers Tipsters


P&C A Stop Privatisation Of Footy Production.
Brought to you with the assistance of Nick Lowe’s ‘Jesus Of Cool.’


About Earl O'Neill

Freelance gardener, I've thousands of books, thousands of records, one fast motorcycle and one gorgeous smart funny sexy woman. Life's pretty darn neat.


  1. Late night Karaoke at the Coaches Association Dinner:
    Nathan Buckley: “I love the sound of breaking glass”.
    Alistair Clarkson: “What’s so funny about Peace, Love and Understanding”.
    Luke Beveridge: “So it goes”.
    Mick Malthouse: “Little Hitler”.
    Love Nick Lowe. No one does male middle aged ennui (with a catchy tune) like Nick.
    Onya Earl.

  2. Mark 'Swish' Schwerdt says

    Surely Clarko would’ve done “36 Inches High”

    And Bevo from Marie Provost “He was the winner, that became the Doggies’ dinner”

  3. You are a funny man, Earl!

  4. Earl O'Neill says

    A song dedicated to the DAFL, ‘All men are liars’, take it away Aragorn!

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