The 2017 Infinitesimalist Cup – Round Sixteen

Greetings Tipsters


I’ve contacted the School Of Advanced Mathematics at Sydney Uni to see if they can lend me a genius for some work experience, the permutations of season 2017 require a degree of youthful brilliance which, sadly, I no longer possess. And I was never much good at maths, tho I’m still pretty handy at mental arithmetic.


This morning Bevo hired a bus and took the squad down to Bells Beach. He’s a keen surfer and not at all out of his element but for a lot of the players the ocean is easily confused with the glimpse of Port Phillip Bay they get from the Westgate Bridge. You reckon hitting the post is tough, Jason? Just wait til you get topsy-turvied by a barrel in a 12 foot swell.


“C’mon you lazy bastards, I wanna see you all out past the break!” Those who meet the demands will be treated to a slap-up dinner and late night beerfest at a convivial rural hostelry, the rest will get a helicopter ride from Air-Sea Rescue.


Really, just who is gonna win the flag this year? We’ve finally got to a point where we can say that it is pretty likely that the eight will come from this weeks top nine, but as to who’s gonna drop out is anyone’s guess.


On top of that, there’s the pre-finals bye to consider. Worked out well for Footscray last year and may be similarly beneficial for Sydney this year. This writer is not a fan of the pre-finals bye as it disadvantages the teams that have done the hard work thru the season and finished top four. If you win a Qual Final you hit the Prelim with one match in the last 25-28 days. That’s a serious shortfall of match practice.


As we all know, the Premier is the best team on Grand Final Day. Footscray’s outstanding September of Twenty Sixteen is an historical anomaly unlikely to be repeated. Which of the nine have significant recent finals experience? Geelong and Sydney, obviously.  Monaros played a prelim last year, Port in ’14. Adelaide and West Coast, a bit. Melbourne, Richmond, St Kilda, three fifths of buggerall.


As for current form, only Sydney, Melbourne and St Kilda have won more than three of the last five. A week ago Richmond were flag fancies and Port a rabble, that assessment has been upended now. Well, any given Sunday and all that – one of the best sports movies you’ll ever see, check it out – but what if the finals were played next week? Um, I mean, the week after next.


Crows v Port, dead even. Monaros v Cats, maybe lean toward Cats. Melbourne v Sydney, bet on the Swans. Richmond v St Kilda, hahaha!


The Monaros injury curse, which I predicted in April, is really starting to bite. Much is left to few, youngsters are wearing out, a lack of team stability is showing, especially in the back line. It may surprise some, but we’re really missing Griffen. He never piled up a bunch of stats but did a lot of hard gruntwork around the packs that made it easier for the rest of the onballers. Plus, the last two matches have shown how a manic swarm of oppo players can cut down the fantastic running game, so there’s been a reversion to ‘kick it long and hope.’ If Patton hadn’t had such a run of form, we’d be in trouble. Cameron J has been about as effective as me on codiene.


If you’ve kids of a sensitive nature, you might want to distract ‘em from the Sydney Derby this week. It’ll be brutal, Swans Crushing Facliity will be doing deals on Monaros.


Swans’ zip and six start had a lot to do with another GF loss. Seems like they’ve gotten over that and are aiming for a flag. Damn, and I thought I’d put it together nicely in this  It’s a better team without Tippett.


That’d be one of the more disastrous trades in recent times. The 2012 Swans were a beautifully balanced team. The Tippett deal was hubris writ large. He copped an eleven game suspension for ’13, has never really slotted in to the team. No-one would baulk at Franklin, but Sydney was already in the crosshairs and that deal was the one that pulled the trigger. Ah, Tippo, you’ve an honest face and curly hair and undoubted skills but sometimes things just don’t work out.


If the 4&20s thought Jesse White was worth a trade, Swans shouldn’t have any trouble sending Kurt to Vic Park.


Geelong, a team I haven’t rated too highly this year until the last few weeks. Seems that the other 20 players have figured how to be a bit less reliant upon Joel and Pat to do all the work for them. Melbourne are copping the injury curse, at almost exactly the wrong time.  Adelaide are a bit flaky and one-dimensional. Richmond, close but not close enough.  Port? Maybe.


This week, at least, St Kilda are the team most likely to do a Scray in September. However, for what it’s worth, admittedly, granted, they, like any other finalist, will have to beat Geelong or Sydney to get there. In this year of bizarre upsets, freakish last second wins, consecutive draws, anything is possible.


Cheers Tipsters


P&C, A Stop Privatisation Of Footy Production, a division of Trans-Dementia Enterprises.

Brought to you with the assistance of my Alltime Top Ten Albums, this week being:

Aretha’s Gold – Aretha Franklin

Beggars Banquet – Rolling Stones

Fifth Dimension – Byrds

Grievous Angel – Gram Parsons

Kill City – Iggy Pop & James Williamson

Rubber Soul – Beatles

Screamadelica – Primal Scream

So Alone – Jonny Thunders

Sun Sessions – Elvis Presley

Who’s Next – The Who


Okay, Sun Sessions and Aretha’s Gold aren’t ‘albums’ but I mostly listen to singles these days.


About Earl O'Neill

Freelance gardener, I've thousands of books, thousands of records, one fast motorcycle and one gorgeous smart funny sexy woman. Life's pretty darn neat.


  1. Nice one, Earl.

    I think it’s a toss of the coin!

  2. G’day Earl

    If your prediction St Kilda have to beat Sydney or Geelong to get to the Grand Final, we seem to need to show much efforts like how the Doggies played in Perth at the first week of finals. I hope we can do like did against Richmond, sorry Earl and Jan.

    As Spud would want to play Richmond in finals, I hope we face Tigers in the final footy. But no excuse to play lazily. Always get motivated. Only hardworking shines to win the flag.

    Go the mighty Saints!


  3. Earl- I always look forward to the albums which assist the production of your column, and often find myself nodding in agreement; this week especially so. Screamadelica is tremendous and I really like the songs like “Movin’ On Up” and “Loaded’ which almost out-Stones the Stones. Almost.

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