Greetings Tipsters
Yeah, five teams are in the flag race, we know that and the usual suspects will be writing their analyses. But it’s time we addressed the AAMI Illuminati, brought that into the open.
I‘ve been researching this lately – by god, that Katy Perry! – and it all lines up. Basic idea is that by exposure to Illuminati symbolism, your kids will be corrupted. Maybe us too. Maybe I have already been corrupted and don’t know it. Hiding in plain sight is evidently an Illuminati trademark.
Let’s go back to Round One, when even your team had a flicker of hope. AAMI ran an ad I saw but twice. Doubtless you saw that stupid ad with the stupid people in the stupid car getting breathless about llamas. You may not have seen the predecessor, the first of the tale.
In that one, the stupid car does a hard-right for no reason, goes thru a fence and centrepunches the only tree in the paddock. A squad of women in white shirts, red skirts and red heels trot over and stand around clicking pix on their fones. Then a whistle blows and they all trot off – CUT TO – they all trot into an office – this shot can be seen very briefly in one of the later ads – and take their seats below an altar where the one we see at the end of every ad swings around in her chair and smiles that horribly reptilian smile.
Yes, we didn’t see much of that. A bit too much of hiding in plain sight, eh? No, we saw the stupid ad, exposing humans as hopeless fools lost without the fone and throwing an alpaca sweater out of the car. And the bloke is bald, yes, all part of the plan.
Then we got a quick cheap ad with Mick Molloy, designed to throw us off the scent. I’d be wary of Mick if I were you. He’s on radio, telly, likely one of the middle ranked Illuminati. That beer show he does deserves further investigation.
They must be full of confidence, cos then came the kid in the car ad. Now, seriously, really, does a modern car just run out of puff in the middle of nowhere?
No, not at all. I’ve done thousands of miles on back country roads and never once seen a car sitting there blowing steam. The Illuminati are trying to undercut our faith in modern technology.
And parents. Mum and Dad are flailing away hopelessly while their daughter sits in the back seat, hooting away on a recorder. Note that in the first version of this ad, the kid blows a high-pitched screech, like a warning sign. An editor picked up on the inherent Illuminati vibe and cut that in. I’m surprised it took so long to fix, but now she blows a happy little tune when the reptilian shows up.
They know their cultural references. There’s a shot on the roof of the reptilian’s car of the flashing light, just like a shot in Mad Max. Dry yellow grass, barbed wire fences, miles of deep blue sky, the hopeless marooned family.
Don’t go outback, it’s dangerous. Mark my words, there’ll be a subtle ‘Cars that ate Paris’ reference before the end of the season.
Anyway, then the reptilian pulls up beside the kid who blows a merry little tune, see, it’s a happy time when a strange woman with a creepy smile stops beside your car in the middle of nowhere while your parents are proving themselves hopeless.
All very Pied Piper-ish, isn’t it? Have you checked the children?
“Hey Pandora” cried Gillo “don’t touch that box!”
Cheers Tipsters
P&C, A Stop Privatisation Of Footy Production, a division of Trans-Dementia Enterprises.
Brought to you with the assistance of Afghan Whigs’ ‘1965’
Finalised by the writer’s inability to come up with a decent segue.
About Earl O'Neill
Freelance gardener, I've thousands of books, thousands of records, one fast motorcycle and one gorgeous smart funny sexy woman. Life's pretty darn neat.
Oh wow.
the killer awoke before dawn; he put his boots on, and he walked on down the hall….
ha ha….
he took a face from the ancient gallery….
Earl, a while back (5 years ago?) I tweeted @aami and said I would cancel my policy if they did not end the broadcasting of that llama ad. They immediately replied, begging me to stay and saying the next ad would be better.
Now it all makes sense. The coldest winter in a decade is a conspiracy against my Eagles reptilian midfield. How can we be expected to play outdoors in a freezing Melbourne winter? No wonder we play so much better at home where the desert sun gets these cold blooded creatures moving by the afternoon.
The September spring sunshine will inject pace and movement back into these hibernating lizards. Mark my words.
Bring back Ketut, I say…
Being not unfamiliar with kids and cars and the trauma of vehicular travel, I ask “Who gives a back-seated child a recorder?” or maybe it’s simply, “Who gives a child a recorder?”
Given this if it emerged that the parents had perished roadside I’d find it difficult to locate any sympathy…
Really enjoying these pieces Earl.