AFL Round 1- The 2013 ‘Mopsy’ Fraser Cup

Greetings Tipsters

And what a long round that was!  I almost expected to see some lesser-known Mosquito’s kid debuting for the Pivotonians, having been conceived in the rush of fame following their win over the Murder, just one of four winning teams to concede the first three goals of the match.  Has some stats guru figured out when that last happened, if at all?

Mostly, though, I want to congratulate the Churchills on their meritorious thrashing of the Gorillas, who by all accounts played more like highly distracted Bonobo Monkeys.  For a team widely tipped to figure highly in the race for the Esplanade Spoon, a Round One showing against the pre-season premiers did not weigh too heavily upon them.  Quite the opposite.  With vim, vigour and a vinegarish attitude, they strangled the Bonobos’ forwards and almost racked up the highest score of the round for themselves.

History has recorded that they fell six points short to another contestant for the Esplanade Spoon, the Seabirds, and these two, for this at week at least, occupy the top two spots on the ladder.  The Seabirds win wasn’t quite as meritorious, given that they were playing the Fuschias, who have obviously been left out in the sun and wind too long, and not even been watered, let alone been given a sprinkling of Osmocote, but it was a sterling display nonetheless.

Will there ever be a bright future for the Fuschias?  Since the Reverend departed, they’ve churned through nearly as many coaches as they have players and will likely continue to do so, plucking a desperate assistant coach and saddling him with an impossible task for two years, before he heads for calmer climes as an assistant elsewhere in the AFL or top-dogging a VFL or SANFL team.  Their most influential figure is an ex-player who doesn’t want anything to do with them in an official capacity, happy to sound off in the media.  The CEO has a record of running clubs into the ground, is deeply unpopular with the football department and, but for a near-record thrashing that claimed the coach instead, would have been sacked nineteen months ago.  The club had a policy of tanking for draft picks that backfired in a most appropriate way.

Really, is aiming to lose the best way to create a strong and positive club culture?  Sydney and Geelong have won five of the last eight flags, you’d never expect them to aim to lose a match, would you?  Bloody hell, consider the fates since of the parties to the mooted Melbourne Hawks of 1996…

I’ll doubtless have cause to revisit this theme over the coming months.  For now, lets just say that the chances of them winning a quarter this season, let alone a match, seem impossibly remote.

On the weekend’s showings, you wouldn’t back them at home against the Schoolies or the Kebabs.  Okay, the Schoolies do have the best player in the league at the peak of his powers and they were playing on the beaches of home, but a win is a win, especially as some see the Party Boys as possible finallists.  I don’t, but I did foolishly tip them.

Three of nine.  The embarassment is only relieved by knowing that many others would have tipped near as terribly.

The Kebabs didn’t win, but they did put up a good show, even leading the match for a minute and a bit after kicking five straight.  They’ve the makings of a good football team.  Granted, while lying on the couch with a beer in one hand and a cigarette in the other, it did occur to me that the Sparkies were showing about as much athletic enthusiasm as I was, but the plucky little kids from Concord had themselves a real ol’ fashioned dip and more power to ‘em.

And so to winning streaks.  One was broken after nine, the other extended to ten.  The Tiggers won the inaugural Potential Boutique Stadium Cup with a great streak of play in the middle of the game and hung on grimly – and only just – when the Café Set threatened to pinch it at the end.  Not a great game overall, but the last quarter was pretty exciting.

The Mayblooms-Pivotonians game was an absolute cracker!  Starting at a freakishly frenetic pace, it veered heavily into the lane of the bodily waste, before swinging back toward the surf and I needn’t go into it because you’ve already seen it or read about it, but, by the gods, it was a great example of Australian Football!

It has had, for the Mayblooms, a bizarre aftermath.  Had I written this last night, as I’d meant to, instead of going to catch The Stooges (put a shirt on, Iggy – James Williamson’s guitaring aside, it was something of a parody and that session drummer they’ve drafted in needs to learn to play a groove and not hit out of time fills at inappropriate moments, they should’ve just hired Ziggy Modeliste) I’d have missed the latest chapter.  As you know, Cursed Jeff told us that Bundy Clarkson had passed his use-by date and the club replied with the expected indignation.  Jeff then apologised but now Bundy reckons he might be right.  Reports that Gary Lyon was ringing Mike Sheahan for Bundy’s personal fone number are thus far unfounded.

Cheers, Tipsters

P&C, a Stop Privatisation Of Footy Production

Brought to you with the assistance of ‘Kill City’, Iggy Pop and James Williamson’s 1975 rock and roll album, James’ 2010 remix thereof.  It now sounds like it always should have.

About Earl O'Neill

Freelance gardener, I've thousands of books, thousands of records, one fast motorcycle and one gorgeous smart funny sexy woman. Life's pretty darn neat.


  1. The Wrap says

    Only tipped 3 Mopsy? I told you to stick with The Tiges son.

    Liked your take on The Fuchsias. Spot-on. And it’s going to get very unpleasant before the season’s out. The thing is, no one in their right mind – read any sense of football career – will take them on. It’s criminal what it’s doing to Mark Neeld. We both know the fish rots from the head. They’re going to be our schadenfreude team for 2013. Them, and of course The Miseries & The Flying Syringes.

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