The 2012 ‘Mopsy’ Fraser Cup – Round Sixteen

Greetings Tipsters

And then there were four. At this rate, I’ll run out of contenders before August but with his forward line taking part in a snooker tournament at Cottlesloe Beach SLSC on Sunday arvo against most of his midfield, Woosha won’t be spending too many weekends in September in a coach’s box.

Fact is, he needs to get more than just the suspended Quinten back, he needs at least two games into the injured players before the finals for them to be of good effect. Better informed pundits than this correspondent have claimed that as many as nine of the Wiggles’ best twenty-two were at the CBSLSC on Sunday, taking part in a winetasting in between rounds of snooker.

Against this, the Sparkies have pretty much their best lineup on the park, with the possible exception of Gary Rohan, whose bionic foot is coming along nicely, thank you. Stingy backline, good ruck combo, a gaggle of hard-working midfielders, a dash of the good ol’ flair and a forward line that is evolving into an effective unit due in part to the hitherto unlikely contribution of Canuck Mike Pyke (keep faith Izzy, Pykey only played for Canada) who kicked a subtle goal and showed a fair bit of heel.

Your correspondent watched this match in a slightly unusual fahion. Being a shiftworker and having missed far too many sporting events, motorsport docos and old and/or weird movies, I was motivated to purchase, on very reasonable terms, a newfangled vid recorder. Since I didn’t get home until 0130 on Monday morning, I discovered a wonderful compromise between the impatience to watch the game and the desire to go to sleep.

That being playing the recording at one and a half times normal speed. Wow, you think Lewis Jetta’s quick now, just you wait! It’s not so fast that you can’t follow it, you can still understand the commentary and, combined with playing ad-breaks, halftime, etc, at 32 times normal, you get through the game in about ninety minutes.

It’s worth experimenting with different speeds too. Two times normal doesn’t do much and I found eight times normal to be a little too frenetic but four times normal speed definitely has its charms. Swarms of colour slide across the emerald sward in impressionistic tides, an attractive effect but one that is unfortunately due to the resemblance AFL now has to an under 5s soccer match.

The Murder had the good fortune to travel to Stooges Stadium for an alleged match against the Barbecues who look like kids who’ve finished their exams and are waiting for muck-up day, which many of them probably are. Any of the contenders yet to play them, like the 4&20s – and Mad Sheeds is spuiking that one on the teev already – have a gift-wrapped percentage booster awaiting them.

Results like this are to be expected given the recruiting policy but it’s part of an concept that is, in the long run, likely to pay off better than the Schoolies approach, Tiggers notwithstanding.

Ah, the Tiggers! Have sports shrinks ever studied the effect of certain colour combinations and discovered that yellow and black induces in the wearer a feeling of mediocrity and a deep-seated unconcious conviction that whenever excellence seems possible they should leave opposition forwards several yards in the clear, especially Karmicheal, on his third football code and unlikely to have any nerves when it comes to kicking the winning goal after the siren?

Not that I oughta talk, I actually tipped the Tiggers, while not bothering to note the venue, but that’s hardly an excuse, I tipped the Pivotonians too. What the bloody hell was I thinking? Or drinking?

Sheaf Stout, as I recall.

Has anyone else been impressed by Seven’s new graphics software? Gee whiz, has there been an innovation matching the goal angle graphic? (If anyone knows the technical term for a perspective graphic laid along the turf that doesn’t cover the players – and I know there is such a term – can you let me know?) That big sector of red really lifts it for me, but not so much that it overrode Chris Masten’s hair.

In case you didn’t notice, he’s got a thick black crop on top of his head, which is shaved around the sides. Combined with the jawline beard, it causes the eye to follow the defined lines and induces the impression that his head is an inverted cone. It’s a perplexion on a level with Eddie Bett’s bizarrely outsized shorts. And while Masto kicked a few goals and was one of the better Wiggles on the day, his arm ink is all outlines and no colour, indicative of commitment phobia. Or indecision.

From one sporting passion to another, MotorMate (Ch73, 1500 on weekdays) yesterday replayed the 1989 Australian 500cc Motorcycle Grand Prix. By the gods, what a race! We can only hope that this season’s finals, especially the Grand One, will be half as exciting.

Cheers Tipsters

P&C, A Stop Privatisation Of Football Production (Trans-Dementia Inc)
Brought to you with the assistance of ‘Live In The Promised Land’, live bootleg of Bruce Springsteen at Winterland, San Francisco, 15 December, 1978.

About Earl O'Neill

Freelance gardener, I've thousands of books, thousands of records, one fast motorcycle and one gorgeous smart funny sexy woman. Life's pretty darn neat.


  1. Love the 1978 Springsteen bootleg sponsorship. The Swans are just about GF certs with 2 home finals. Will you be able to play them at the SCG with the redevelopment? Homebush would greatly reduce your home ground advantage.
    You are spot on about the Eagles. Will have our best available with 2 rounds to go. Just have to beat the teams below us until then to hang on to Top 4.
    Good read Earl. I will try your fast forward trick. The delete button won this week.

  2. Earl O'Neill says

    The AFL runs finals, the deal in Sydney is that all finals will be played at Olympic Park. The SCG semi against Geelong in 2005 was an anomaly, Olympic being booked earlier by the NRL (bless ’em!)
    Either ground, Sparkies get the crowd, but they’re very different shaped playing fields. SCG’s length and width are a little less than MCG, but much shallower pockets. Olympic is longer and narrower than SCG, deeper pockets.

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