Standin’ on the outside lookin’ in

The heat does strange things to people. If we look at the offerings of the past week, one can only assume that the sports administrators and the sporting media has suffered some ill-effects from heat exposure or just plain over exposure. Here are a few of the phoenixes that have risen from the furnace this past few days.

As all of the Australian tennis players have now been eliminated for the singles at the Oz Open, it appears some within the media feel a need to wash this small inconvenience away by directing fault back to Tennis Australia’s failure to foster our next champion, re set the printers, then plead with overseas players to take out temporary visa holders. These include Aussie Anna Ananovic. Some girl that was born in Australia but moved to England while still in the womb and in the cruelest of cuts, Aussie Roger who would have flown the boxing kangaroo if his old man had decided to accept a job in Australia when, the Fedmiester was 13, rather than being a selfish prick who denied Australia of tennis greatest ever player.

The Australian OD side gets all the big guns back and gets an almighty arse whopping in Brisbane not seen Stone Cold Steve Austin did a job on Hulk Hogan in Wrestlemania 15. Apparently, the coach was “rested” for the game leaving no one to introduce the players to each other. Given they had never been in the same room, let alone a cricket filed, things were always going to be a bit “awkward” in that will I ask him out or should I wait kind of way.

Channel 7 let some kid, who was mostly likely hanging about with his father in the production van, play with the graphics software. The result, charts, diagrams and tables, aligned with statistical bullshitery that only a charted accountant could decipher, that left everyone, other the kid, scratching their heads and wishing they had done more Sodukos to increase their lateral thinking. The clincher in last night Bernie v Aussie Fed was a dodgy game of Pong that was supposed to represent the point just played. Here’s a thought. Put a replay of the actual vision on.

While on the theme. Who felt it clever to put Jim Courier in the box with Bruce. Certainly not this viewer. Tip for Jim. Rather than asking, “what will Roger do with this second serve?”, why don’t you let the theatre of live sport play out right in front of you Jimmy boy and leave the speculation to Bruce.

It was obviously cooler last evening in Melbourne as I did have thoughts about Warney and Liz actually melting into a pool of wax court side, burning some poor ball kid and freeing up the Twit Verse from the unsolicited dribble about their pathetic artificial lives. On a more self effacing note, I thought it was rather sweet that Mrs Rog still takes pictures of Rog for family photo album. She could buy the television right to his game but the Federers are, note to couple above, refreshingly grounded.

Further a field the NSW State Of Origin side goes bonding on a jet boat on Sydney Harbour (better than falling off horses) in what must be, given the SOO is 6 months away, the greatest example of team sport premature ejaculation seen for some time.

In closing, I would be grateful if any one could bring me up to speed on the protocol associated with exercise, clothing and sweating and food consumption. I know that cycling is the new golf, only with greater pretentiousness, but when did a golfer walk pass you, while your having breakfast, in a pair of Nibliks, pushing a golf buggy, then proceed to plonk down at the next table only to exude the liquid content of their bodies with associated lingering odours. Lance is not the only cyclist who is oblivious to the gravity of their crimes and displays a complete contempt for all others on the planet outside of the Lycra clad existence on a Sunday morning.

About Tony Robb

A life long Blues supporter of 49 years who has seen some light at the end of the tunnel that isn't Mick Malthouse driving a train.


  1. That’s a hell of a spray, TR. I agree with everything you say.
    I haven’t read anything that vitriolic on the site since Litza’s People’s Elbows mid last season.
    I’m just a bit worried that neither of you have left anywhere to go in 2013. Its like giving 9.9’s in the gymnastics. Where do you when you’ve already given a few 10’s on the Outside Elbow Scale???
    I hope you haven’t gone too early with this one. Leave something up the sleeve for Mick in July.

  2. PB I’ve got an entire back catalogue ready for Mickey I’m just getting so fed up being treated like a Muppet by the media and sports administrators let alone the tools that market this tripe in the belief it what we want. Liza might have a view on that topic as he is a PR man from my understanding what ever happened to less is more


  3. Peter Flynn says

    Cheers Tony.

    Re tennis on Ch 7. I mute Jim and Bruce. Hewitt is quite good. Incisive.

    Tennis on Fox is superb. Wally is a gun.

  4. nathan jarvis says

    Golf and cycling are _the_ preeminent bloke pursuits because they both require a lot of toys and a lot of time spent away from the family.

    I have spent most of my life convinced I would be great at both golf and the double bass. I know if I got on either it would be magic – a one-off union where I instinctively know what to do and great stuff happens.

    Of course, I have done neither and never will because being convinced I would be great is more than enough.

    As for cycling, well, I have this four-ton shit-truck deadly treadly I found in the shed when we moved in and every now and then – at night, when the kids are asleep (and no-one can see my ricockulousness) – I take it out for a trundle. I am often left at near standstill as some 5000 dollar bit of design excellence whizzes by with a hairless ninny in a flouro gimp suit, barely breaking a sweat, upon it.

    Of course, I blame the tools. Four-ton shittrucks aren’t meant for speed. They are meant to last forever in the shed and never to require a minute’s servicing. So much mass, the rust will be munching forever.

  5. Pamela Sherpa says

    I think you need a new hobby to get away from the frustration/crap of sport Tony . I took up gardening for this very reason and find it very therapeutic. Pulling out weeds is pleasantly relaxing and good exercise out in the fresh air. Or maybe you could take up something like woodchopping – in the back yard of course where you can curse all you like as long as you have understanding neighbours . I imagine they have rules about swearing in real competitions. Other than that- meditating in a cave might be your best option.

  6. Tony

    That was some spray. You write with an Uzi. Like your style

  7. Greatspray Tony… mine’s still with legal. I’m not expecting it to clear.

  8. Pamela Sherpa says

    Tony , when it becomes unlawful to offend or insult others you will be able to file complaints for being treated like a Muppet , having your eardrums tortured , having your brain bombarded with rubbish etc. The list is endless. Sport as we know it could cease to exist.

  9. Thanks Peter, I thought Fox only got the outside courts
    Pam, Ive taken your advice on board and chopped the head off the bloke next door using his vac blower, i assume that was your advice
    Nathan . As a Speedwell man, has there ever a better piece of engineering than the Stermi/Archer three speed gear cogs. Ride your bike till you die and never give up on the double base. Some one has to stand next o the cock on lead
    Litza Ive got you’re back big guy.

    I promise to be really positive next blog. No really

  10. Andrew Walker says

    Tony, couldn’t agree more. Talking too much seems to be a common problem. I find myself telling James Brayshaw to “just shut up” during the cricket. He just fills every space with his babble. Letting the picture tell the story is not the modern way. Sports commentators are like politicians. They think that they have to make a comment on everything that happens.

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