Adelaide Test – Day 3: I Put a Spell on You – Because You’re Mine

Old Mate Mitch.

Until scarcely a few months ago, he was viewed by the wearied Australian cricket fan as a supremely talented, mentally fragile and technically flawed tease.

His cricket metrics were akin to an action potential. It was either all or nothing with both bat and ball. Who was going to turn up? Would it be Good Mitch or Bad Mitch? Too often it would be Bad Mitch. Very few cricketers have displayed such a variation in performance. His output being seemingly wedded to complicated biorhythms.

Now, following successful ODI campaigns in the Old Dart and the Indian subcontinent, he is the King of Australian cricket. A left-arm fast bowling deity whose exploits on Saturday will be long remembered by those who witnessed it.

Historically in Adelaide, great fast-bowling performances have been Herculean marathon bowling stints in furnace-like conditions. Under a typical blue Adelaide sky and with a warm breeze at his back, Johnson’s spell was as savage and as devastating as anything produced by John Snow or Wasim Akram or even Thommo.

The country needs to bestow upon him a nickname like ‘Terror’ or ‘Demon’. For making Cook, Prior, Broad and Swann look utterly incompetent, he has earned the right to a nickname. Or maybe he should simply change his Christian name from Mitch to George.
How has this startling and unforseen transformation taken place?

In Mitch-land, it could partly be because he’s embraced the ‘intimidating’ Swamp-rock Creedence Clearwater Revival moustache. It seems that as he’s coming into the bowl, he’s humming CCR’s I Put a Spell on You.

Because, English batsman, you’re mine.

A touch fanciful perhaps. However there’s no doubting the fact that he has mentally perturbed this declining batting line-up. Sources close to the English side have confirmed to the Footy Almanac that the English batsmen are dead-set petrified.

He has lengthened his run up and now approaches the crease like Beamon approached the foul-line in ’68. His delivery motion consists of a perfect rock back and he releases the ball with a higher arm. It’s a wicked combination.

His first spell the night before was as frightening a spell since Dizzy Gillespie’s at Leeds in ’97. After his first over he had recorded the six fastest deliveries of the match to date. He was consistently clocked above 150 km/h. In this sport, differences of 5 km/h can have a huge effect on a batsman’s ability to play the ball. Johnson has found that rarefied zone where he is simply too rapid for the batsman. And his new-found accuracy has meant that he’s become hard to score off.

Cook was hurried and flustered. The ball that bowled him was one of the most exciting moments I’ve witnessed at a Test match. Cook never saw it. He wasn’t even through his shot by the time Johnson had run past him in a triumphant and theatrical follow-through. Cook trudged off with that Mayor of Hiroshima look on his face.

Just after lunch the following day, Johnson’s incendiary spell of six for not many began. The most memorable of the half-dozen was Broad losing his leg stump for a primary duck. It was about a ten minute first-knacker as Broad had complained about the sightscreen prior to facing a ball. This break in proceedings allowed Johnson to rest, prepare and hum. And it afforded the Adelaide crowd the opportunity to barrack as vociferously as if Jardine was facing up in his Harlequin cap.

Old Mate Anderson, who has turned it up in my opinion, was also bowled first ball by a thunderbolt. Prior nibbled at one to Haddin and seemed relieved to have been dismissed. So too was Swann who waved his bat like a white flag and slashed to Clarke at second slip.

Twice Johnson was on a hat trick at the commencement of a new over. Johnson running in to bowl his hat-trick balls had the same effect as standing near a Van de Graaf accelerator.

His ability to bowl at such a velocity that batsmen are scared, flustered and inadequate has turned this series into a no-contest. I don’t believe the English have the bottle to come back like the Americans in the recent America’s Cup. Australia could win this 5-0.

Big brown stains are readily and frequently appearing on England’s batting creams.

Bell was a notable and admirable exception.

His occupation of the crease was a masterclass in technical proficiency, shot-making, footwork and use of his hands to find gaps in the field.

This summer might become known as Johnson’s summer.

And Perth is yet to come.