Round 9 – Collingwood v Footscray: Aaron Naughton is Stevie Winwood





Aaron Naughton IS Stevie Winwood. I’m sorry, he just is. I bet his whistles ‘Higher Love’ while going for all those speckies.


Bompa may be Italian, but he stole Atlas’ nose.


Jeremy Howe looks like he was cast in Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels. One of Vinnie Jones’s mates, obviously.
Steele Sidebottom looks like he’s just about cooked. But what a servant of the game!


Bailey Smith looks like a mullet searching for a host. It would make a good Alien Sequel. Attacks the back of he head, not the face. A plot twist, that one.


Tom Libba looks like the Coolest Cat on Earth! He just does. He would have aced Boogie Nights better than Mark Wahlberg. All Wahlberg can play is Wahlberg. The best roll he ever had was in Entourage. In that he played Wahlberg.


David King looks like somebody grafted a T-Rex’s neck onto a human.


Sometimes I think the score review person immediately knows if it was a goal or not, but secretly imagines they’re a puppet master.


I bet they yell: “Break-it-down!” and “Freestyler” and other rap dancing call-to-arms as they twiddle the nob back and forward.


John Noble looks like Adam Treloar. Seriously. The working class version.


Adam Treloar looks like John Noble. Seriously. The silky, more metro version.


Adam also looks like a great footballer. I suspect he’s a good bloke, also.


Adam and John should play on each other, always. Even when the Dogs aren’t playing the Magpies.


Cody Weightman does NOT look like Dale. Which is probably good for both of them!


He does, though, look like Puberty Blues. Everyone in it!!


If Neighbours or Home and Away were real, they’d cast him, not Kylie and Jason Donovan.


Baily Dale looks like he fell out of the Depression era. Or into it. I’m not sure how it works, time travel’s tricky.


Oliver Henry kicks like he idolises Greg Norman. He needs to relax a little.


Josh Daicos is another Italian who looks like a Greek god… George Michael! He runs like his old man, though, all torso. Sorry Josh, as of this moment, there is still only one Daiks. But who knows about the future?


Brodie Mihocek is the splitting image of an old chum of mine, Casey McDonald! A more than fair player in his time at Apollo Bay. It does my head in! Ol’ Casey, out there on the G! Every time Brodie gets a kick it reminds me of a good person, which makes me happy. Onya, Brodie!


101 ways to go against instinct and barrack for Collingwood.


I’m sorry, the umpires just look like dickheads when they police body language. I don’t blame them, I love umpires. They’re doing as they’re told. The AFL try to squeeze all theatre out of the game, then wonder why there’s no passion.


Caleb Poulter looks like that scrawny Under 17s kid they pulled up to the seniors when the Half Forward couldn’t make it because he had a flat tyre, and the emergency has already found his way to the barbie.


The Half Forward said “flat tyre” but we all know he meant “hangover”.


While we’re at like-a-looks, Tom McDonald looks so generic I can’t even think of what. Just, y’know… generic!


Harrison Petty looks like Jake Lever. So does half the league, now. Stupid policeman’s moustache! It’s like watching gangrene spread! Soon, everybody will look like Emmett Dunne! Emmett marks, handballs to Emmett, kicks long to Emmett. Raining Emmetts!


Emmett Dunne’s moustache is everywhere, like bad Elvis impersonators.


At least he had a name to suit. Emmett. The Ned Flanders of footy.


Collingwood don’t look like much without Grundy. They say he’s the highest paid Pie, and with good reason. I always thought his actual tapping to teammates was a little wonky. But, boy, do they miss him!


The Dogs got first touch in the ruck, Libba and Trelour got first hands to it and smashed them in the middle, no boot-slaps forward, as opposition defenders like it. Just crisp, clean, and early. 6 goals to none, everything flowed from that, really.


Luke Beverage totally looks like he should be holding up a stagecoach in an old spaghetti western.





COLLINGWOOD                      1.3       2.6       4.7         7.9 (51)
WESTERN BULLDOGS            6.5       7.10      11.11     14.15 (99)


Collingwood: Crisp 2, De Goey, Hoskin-Elliott, Lipinski, Mihocek, Quaynor
Western Bulldogs: Dunkley 3, Khamis 3, Naughton 3, Treloar 3, Bontempelli, Scott


Collingwood: Crisp, Lipinski, Adams, Noble, N.Daicos
Western Bulldogs: Treloar, Smith, Dunkley, Macrae, Naughton, Liberatore


Collingwood: Madgen (shoulder)
Western Bulldogs: Gardner (leg), Naughton (leg)


Scott Pendlebury (illness) replaced in selected side by Callum Brown
Western Bulldogs: Nil


Collingwood: Finlay Macrae (replaced Jack Madgen in the third quarter)
Western Bulldogs: Roarke Smith



You can read more from Matt Zurbo Here.



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  1. Aaron Naughton looks like an Epic Theatre hero from the 60s.
    Bailey Smith looks like Nick Kershaw.

  2. Malcolm McKinnon says

    Am I the only one who’d love to see some opposition player grab a hold of that ridiculous white headband, pull it back for a good distance and let it go with a proper ‘thwack’?!

  3. I had Naughton looking like John McEnroe from the back with his hair and headband. This view is from the back

  4. Re the headband: At least he doesn’t wear it knotted, like Roger Federer (who only got away with it because he was, well, Roger Federer) or the clownish 2021 vintage of Stuart Broad.

    Back when Rodge was first making his name, Australia briefly had a fast bowler called Nathan Bracken who tried the same fashion statement. He lasted just long enough in the Test team to pick up the tag ‘Flying Alice Band’, then disappeared. In his last Test he was unpenetrative but tidy, alongside a couple of much more experienced bowlers in Lee and MacGill who were plenty worse and eventually flogged by Laxman and Tendulkar and booed off the SCG – but both still got a spot in Australia’s next match. Obviously bowling like a complete clot was not something to be encouraged, but LOOKING like one was beyond the pale.

  5. Matt Zurbo says

    Geez, I’ve started something! The one haircut I hate the most is none of them. Mostly they are young men finding themselves. Let their hair do whatever they want it to!

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