Round 6 – The Pre-Wrap


For the Philosophical Marngrook Follower

Ciad Mile Failte.  Well, it didn’t take the invertebrates at Star Chamber long to revert to type, did it Wrappers?  Steven May gets three weeks for playing the ball.  Jordan Lewis gets two weeks for playing the man.  And the Hawthorn Captain twice tried to apologize to his counterpart during the match, once more going off the field, and he called Swallow again on Monday.  That would have passed for contrition were it not for the fact that there’s footage of him targeting the North Melbourne Skipper in previous matches, and of Jordan Lewis targeting Big Toddy too.  Unsociable Football?  Or is every one an accident around at The Family Club?  (There are some who would call it anti-social football, and they’re not restricted the Mothers of Melbourne – Ed)

It appears apologizing is catchy.   Leppa apologized to Rookie O’Brien after the 24-year old brat argued with and swore at his NEAFL Coach & Brownlow Medallist Shane Woewodin.  He took him aside and pinned him against the wall while he explained the facts of life to him.  Probably something that should have been explained to him some time ago, but better late than never.  However, you’d hardly think it was an apologizing offence.  (You wondering what the world’s come to too Wrap – Ed)  You’d be grateful to have your head still connected to your shoulders if you back chatted the coach in our day Ed.  Cussing him on match day would have seen you catching the bus in your Footy Gear minus your Guernsey with your clothes in your Gladstone bag, not to mention having to stand all the way home.  And for a week or two after that.

Meanwhile, down the coast a bit, The Suns have their own Brat Pack to deal with.  It’s not looking too sunny up there where it’s beautiful one day and dysfunctional chaos the next, eh?

And what’s all this about the Indigenous Code having to make way for the roundball code so they can hold their Grand Final?  What ever happened to the Melbourne Rectangular Stadium?  Weren’t soccer & rugby given a home under the geodesic dome – the one that looks like a soccer ball?  Fancy asking The Doggies to forfeit a home game against The Dangerous Dockers for $750,000.  Chuck in five goals and it might be worth considering.  (Speaking of grounds Wrap; where do you suggest a Port Adelaide v Fremantle GF be played? – Ed)

Sizzling sausages Bertie, what’s Young Watto on about?  Yellow cards & sin bins in Our Great Game? Has the Lad gone stark raving bonkers?  The Game That’s Played Around The World stooping to yellow cards and sin bins?  Not on your nelly Young Watto.  Imaging Razor Ray with those powers.  It’s unimaginable.  Wot.  What Young Watto needs is more disciple Tony.  Much more discipline.  And a good stint up at Puckapunyal.  At least until after September.

Had a letter in the mail the other day.  It had a United Arab Emirates stamp and a Dubai postmark.  It was signed The Premiership’s a Cakewalk.  It pointed out the following stats from last Friday’s match.  There were 15 individual goal scorers.  A club record and only one shy of a VFL/AFL record.  There were only seven players from the 2010 Premiership Team in the side and 12 players who have played less than 40 games.  It was the lowest score by a Carlton side against The Maggies – 45 points – and the biggest ever winning margin by Collingwood against a Mick Malthouse coached team.  One stat you forgot to mention TPAC – it was the first time that any team in either VFL or AFL history has played against a team consisting entirely of witches’ hats.

Nurelle slipped down to Toscanos to top up the office fruit bowl the other day.  (The usual $5 worth of mixed fruit and not too many persimmons I suppose Wrap – Ed)  Actually she came back with Daniel Harford’s weekly SEN conundrum – What would it take for you to turn off the broadcast match?   There were a few suggestions from the crew.  Brisbane v Gold Coast was a favourite.  But it was a no-brainer in the end: Mick holding a newborn king walking onto a spookily dimmed MCG through a cloud of evaporating dry ice.  (It would do it for me every time – Ed)

The AFL Fans Association are – like The Greens – on the front foot.  They’ve drawn attention to the new ‘fan-themed’ package announced by the Appalling Football League recently.  The one that’s going to cost the fan that buys one a pony under a grand.   Yep Wrappers, 950 oxford scholars to sit behind the glass and scoff a few dogs’ eyes and more than a few buckets of the sponsor’s product.  They’ve pointed out that anyone who’s cashed up, and isn’t necessarily a member of the either the AFL or a club can jump ahead of the die-hard Footy Fan who has supported their team all year.  Based on last year’s prices of $220 for premium seats, they’ve got the leverage at $730 for the VIP treatment.  Easy money if you can get away with it.  Maybe Tony & Joe should be speaking with the gnomes deep in the bowels of Jellymont House on how to balance that infernal budget.  (I think you’ll find the pies are filled with caviar & the sponsor is Chandon Wrap – Ed)

Are we alone in our confusion Wrappers?  Shane Charter & Dr Danke Schoen get done for suspicion of peptide offences and walk the plank while the EFC walk away scot-free.  (Alleged suspicion please Wrap.  Alleged suspicion – Ed)  We’re loading up on Nima Alavi to complete the trifecta and appear before the beak.  (You’re making a common mistake of the common people Wrap.  You’re confusing Justice with the justice system – Ed)

And here’s one straight from Ladbrokes.  They’ll back Carlton to kick more goals this round than the total of the players they’ve cleared over the last decade.  They haven’t put a price on it but if you mention The Footy Almanac they’ll give you one.  That’s backing The Hon Edward A. Betts, The Eagles’ Joshua Kennedy and Jarrod Waite to kick more goals in total than the entire Carlton Footy team.  If they’d let you make it a riding bet you could retire to the Bahamas by the end of August.

But enough of my gabbin’.  Let’s see who still going to be in the mix after Round VI.

The Maggies v The Moggies on The Paddock That Grew tonight.  Neither side was really tested last week.  True, The Tiges came back at The Pussies in the second half, but they were able to do what Geelong sides have done for the last decade; put the foot down and put a gap in the opposition.  Will they be able to do it again on The Big Friday Night Stage?  They’ve lost Kelly to injury, but as a sign of the Coach’s displeasure, Walker, Simpson & Horlin-Smith have been omitted.  In a Clark, Cockatoo, Stanley & Cowan.  The Homeside have brought in Witts, Broomhead & Armstrong to replace Gault, Seedsman & Ramsay.  Of those, only Gault was omitted.  As we said above, neither side was really tested, but in reality, Collingwood weren’t examined at all.  They’re full of sap and Self Belief around there at where Swan Street meets the Yarra, but will it be enough?  The older Cats are a wily mob and Taylor, Lonergan, Rivers & Enright know their way around a backline.  They launched attack after attack from there against The Striped Marvels last week.  But they’re not playing The Striped Marvels this week.  Chuck in Selwood, Stevie J, Motlop, and a couple of Gorillas up forward and they’re looking pretty formidable.  It’s crunch time for The Handbaggers and make no mistake, as weary as those old bones may be, they encase the heart and will of The Greatest Team Of All.  Bucks has got the kids fired up and The Monochrome Army is in full cry, and it’s going to be a close one.  The Geelong attack looked clunky last week.  The Magpie defence looked mobile.  After a lot of thought we’re going for The Woodsmen here.  But keep your hands in your pocket.

The Soupboners v The Striped Marvels in the Shadow of Mt Wellington for the early one on Saturday.  Both sides fell away last weekend.  The Roos were monstered by TRP in a spiteful encounter.  They won’t get any of that from The Tiggers; not without Ty Vickery anyway.  The Wasps were just outplayed for half a game, and although they fought back, the final score flattered them.  Both will be out to resurrect their season.  Both sitting uncomfortably on 2-3, the loser here will drop off the pace.  The Tiges regain Deledio and have recalled Gordon, Griffiths & Grimes.  The Kangas have been able to recall Waite, Hansen & McDonald.  We’d love to promote Richmond to Roughie of The Round, but the Norsemen have had the wood on them for far too long for it to change in this encounter.  There’s nowhere to hide on the exposed space of Blundstone Arena.  With a possibility of snow flurries down to sea level it’s going to be hard work.  Wothoput much confidence, The Northerners.

The Sons of The West v The Feeling Faints under cover at the traditional time.  Now here’s a pair of excitement machines going at it boots & barstools.  Playing Fearless Footy, they’ve set the Competition alight.  Probably The Doggies more than The Sainters, but weren’t The Saints brave last week?  This could be a Danger Game for The Third Placed Scrays.  The Saints have regained Montagna & Riewoldt for the encounter and Talia will have his hands full holding down the influence of The Saint Kilda Skipper.  The Mothers of Melbourne have clamoured for it to be made regulatory to wear a bike helmet when climbing a ladder around the home.  They say that in the event of a fall there’s a danger of brain damage.  There’ll be no danger of a fall from The Ladder for The Western Bulldogs tomorrow.  The Saints had a sniff of Victory last week and The Bulldogs may just be a bit bloated and leg weary after their epic battle up Steak & Kidney.  (And The Saints didn’t have an epic battle down here last Sunday? – Ed)   That’s right Oh Renown Reworker of Words, and there’s The Saints’ six day break against The Tricolours seven.  But Boyd’s out and Rooey & Montagna are in for The Visitors.  As tempting as the $3.60 looks, we’re going to pike out and tip the $1.30 favourites.

GWS v The Unsociable Hawks at Spotless Stadium in the gathering gloom.  The rain’s stopped up there and while the Star Chamber has rested Hodge & Lewis, Poppy & Jed Anderson step into the seniors.  You can put down the glasses now, The Mayblooms by the length of the Flemington straight.   And if your drawn them to kick The Sweep you can book that table at The Flower Drum for next Saturday night.  And we’re not sure Ladbrokes have quite got the hang of things out here yet.  They’ve got The Squawkers out at $1.24.  Load up here and you can get those extensions paid off in the one hit.

The Party Goers v The Pride of South Australia on the Metricon at 5.10 on the Saturday.  What is at with those Sun Coasters?  Do all those retirees have to be in bed by nine?  Adelaide of course, and if you feel The Giants can roll The Mustard Pots, load up on The Free Settlers at $1.16 instead.

Bleak City v Sin City at THOF for the free-to-air game on Saturday night.  The Fuchsias are hot & cold.  They’ve swung the axe after The Dangerous Dockers pruned them last round.  The Bloods have been similarly savage.  It won’t make the slightest bit of difference, The Lakesiders to overcome The Redlegs in another bonanza night for Video Easy.

The Mauve Miasma v The Gliders at Domain Stadium on Saturday night.  The Anchormen stand astride The Competition Table undefeated with a percentage of 151.1 after five rounds.  The Marshmallows are 3&2 with a percentage of 98.16.  They nearly provided St Kilda with their second win of the season last Sunday.  Are you kidding?  And talking of kidding, Ladbrokes have The Barry Crockers out at $1.25.  A bit riskier than the Hawthorn investment, true, but really, you have to wonder whose money Ladbrokes are playing with.  And with The Barry Crockers the only risk to Hawthorn kicking the Sweep, we’re going for them.

The Miseries v The Bad News Bears for the late Sunday start on Mothers Day.  Brissy, sadly, are a shambles.  The Silvertails may be blue from those pre-dawn swims in Port Phillip, but they’ll have enough blood pumping to notch up their second win for the season.  And really, in a land where there’s golden soil & wealth for toil, there’s still some nuggets lying around waiting to be picked up.  In a round rich in opportunity, the $1.29 on offer for The Bluebaggers looks pretty enticing.  (The Bagmen seem to be falling over themselves to gain market share right now.  Enjoy it while you can.  It won’t last – Ed)

The Power From Port v The Eddie Eagles under the Shadows of Mt Lofty to wind up the round.  The Wedgies have had some thumping wins and two narrow losses so far this season.  They monstered GWS last week, but they’re not playing GWS this week.  They’re playing Port who have some catching up to do.  They’re still not in the black percentagewise, which has them sitting at the bottom of the group with 12 points.  We’re tipping they’ll be sitting two out and one back by the end of the round.

Good tipping and even better punting.


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About John Mosig

I'm an Aussie Rules tragic who can remember, as a four year old, shaking the hand of Captain Blood in the rooms just before he ran out onto the ground after half time, as my Old Man slipped him a packet of under-the-counter Craven A cork tipped. Now it's my turn to take my grandson Ben through the ritual of character building that is the journey through PUNT ROAD to the outside world.


  1. Rick Kane says

    Dear Mr Wrap (and Ed)

    Boohoo and boohoo to you to. In the space of a few sentences you abhor violence for violence sake and then you’re all but champing at the bit for someone to have something violent done to them to, er, teach them a thing or two. Can you have it both ways?

    My incisive article (What It Was) on this very website, examines this conundrum. Doesn’t come up with any answers but it’s worth a read! :)

    Oh and why would you condemn the mighty Hawks duo for what was, despite the hullabaloo, a standard footy indiscretion?


  2. The Wrap says

    Ah, the balanced voice of Radio Maybloom. Sorry Mr Kane, but pinning an ill raised brat against the wall to explain that his arrogant rudeness is unexceptable is not the same thing as what the Hawthorn captain & vice captain did against North Melbourne’s captain & leading player.

    I think I may have read your piece. I’ll go back and read it again.

    And while those two incidents may have been indescrete, it’s a license to call them indiscretions.

  3. Ladbrokes sponsorship for the once noble and independent Wrap? Like his Striped Marvels – how the mighty have fallen. Off to a good start tipping desperates into the odds on Woodsmen. Your commission cheque is in the mail.
    Fear not punters the Wedgies at the line are the PB cert of the season. I am over in the city of churches to personally supervise their cobalt drench program. Go Eagles.

  4. Tipsters who followed the bookies odds did not have a good weekend – I only escaped that fate I must say by tipping my own team against the Magpies – bu that was a matter of principle.

  5. The Wrap says

    You never see a poor one do you Doug.

    But what a round??? The Hawks & The Power might be slugging it out against each other just to get into the Preliminary Final. And Qantas & Tiger Airlines may have to call in the RAAF’s fleet of Hercules transports to get the Eagle & Docker Faithful across the Nullarbor for the GF.

    You still celebrating around at the RedLion with the AE Mr B?

  6. daniel flesch says

    Round of upsets , or what , Mr. The Wrap ? Most of us in our local small town tipping comp. got four out of nine . The sole punter that topped with seven is a self-confessed football ignoramus with an otherwise poor tipping record. Relieved i did not take your advice to “load up on the Squawkers.” Glad for Mr. B., and the AE though , in a season they have not hitherto had much to celebrate.

  7. Hope all my loyal followers profited from the tip, and didn’t line Ladbrokes pockets at Mr Wraps urgings. Cobalt has really turned Sharrod around, and the deafeners and block winkers worked a treat on Josh Hill. Nic Nait may need a shadow roll.

  8. The Wrap says

    Just go straight for the adrenaline Mr B. A quick jab at in each huddle and put him on a drip at the long interval. I imagine the AE is still floating on air.

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