Round 6 – Collingwood v Hawthorn: The Pies aren’t fully back, but they’re winning (Floreat Pica Society)



Friday 10 July 2020


Giants’ Stadium



When I turned on the box to hear that there had been recent showers and the ground would be slippery, my mind went straight back to last week. More fumbling, a giant who doesn’t seem to be able to raise both hands simultaneously, and an opposition who have had the wood on us for a fair while. Not happy Jan!


Grundy won the opening bounce to no advantage. The second ball up goes better – Grundy and Elliott apply heavy tackles to Shiels. I haven’t seen much of Grundy’s second effort damage this year. It’s a pleasing start.


It’s to and fro football. Wingard kicks a poor entry forward, yet a Collingwood rebound leads to another poor entry forward. It’s takes time, but eventually the game goes bang. An unsociable tackle on Mitchell results in him going off courtesy of the blood rule and a goal to Pies’ debutant Will Kelly. Here we go!


Quaynor, Atu and co begin a really nice series of handballs which results in a nice little lob pass to Mihocek. Checkers goals. It’s nice to see him start confidently after a pretty ordinary recommencement. It’s also nice to see clean, long handballs and good receives. Collingwood lead 12 to zip.


Another move forward results in Cox scoring a major from distance. Maybe there’s a little ray of sunshine. Pies lead by three goals. Does it remind you of anything? Yep – Essendon last week.


The back line holds up really well. Moore gets plenty of the ball. Varcoe is very good.


Phillips lobs a ball into the danger zone. Cox folds like a pack of cards. Hawks clear it again.


Patton looks done. Smith slots one for the Hawks, but the Pies still hold a two goal advantage.


Elliott is getting involved in the middle. Treloar gets plenty of the ball but isn’t damaging. Varcoe applies a great shoulder charge to Shiel’s rib cage. No issues for the tribunal – the Pies are hunting.


Checkers kicks a second goal, courtesy of a nice delivery from Treloar. A bit of a stalemate ensues. There’s a nice bit of grafting to get the ball to Hyphen (Hoskin-Elliott), who dutifully goals.


The siren sounds 30 seconds too early with the ball in Hyphen’s hands roughly 55 metres from goal with an entry kick certain. At quarter time the score is 5.1.31 to Hawthorn’s 1 straight. The Pies have had really good starts most games this season, so the contest is far from over.


A terrible kick from C. Brown travels out on the full on the wing. There’s some more to and fro but the Pies begin to get a bit cute with short un-productive handballs. McEvoy scores due to some poor defensive work.


A great piece of evasive clearing work by IQ ends in the hands of Checkers for his third. I love the way he moves. Dare I say it, he reminds me of a former Afro style back flanker charging clear.


The Pies begin to have trouble breaking clear with a bit more pressure being applied by the Wees and Poos, but they are still controlling the game.


A rushed kick out of defence by Stephenson ends up in a poster by the Hawks. No luck – tough Luck! Stephenson has been sent out to try and get a kick somewhere outside the 10 metre square, but to no avail.


Elliott snaps off the ground for a poster after 10 minutes of deliberation by the ARC. I reckon his body language convinced the judges to give it a point.


Cox rises again, one-handed. Is his other arm broken?


A lovely combination ends up with Checkers receiving a lace out delivery from Adams. Stephenson tries to look angry – he’s frustrated.


The first half finishes with the Pies leading 6.5.41 to Hawthorn’s 2.1.13. I’m far from convinced it’s over, but relieved to have held the ground gained.


Hyphen misses an easy one to start the second half – probably too embarrassed to kick it after he lay down! Maynard is having a good night. Phillips not so much.


A soft free to Checkers who does the business. Four majors to the late starter. The Pies consolidate. Phillips performs a great wrap up on Smith. There’s no Genuine attempt. Really, no prior?


Cox tackles and hurts himself on the point post. What next? Will a leg fall off?


Frost applies some heat, and Adams attempts to add some. Little on big – love it.


Hawks step up the pressure again. A lovely run down the wing by Grundy ends in an opportunity for Craig’s boy again. Caught. Welcome to the real world.


Cox flies again. This time on the back line. He still can’t raise two arms! No wonder he played soccer – you don’t need arms!


Pies lead 7.8.50 to 2.2.14 going into the last. Comfort levels are rising – hopefully not our player’s, just mine. Not a quarter to remember.


Kelly starts the last with a snap for no outcome. It’s nice to come out of the gate fast.


Brown fumbles horribly – time for a breather with his little bro. Wingard misses a bread and butter shot. Gunston misses a similar shot.


Crisp has a CRISP moment. He lets the simplest of marks slip through his hands at centre half-forward. The Hawks snap. Certain goal. IQ appears out of nowhere to snuff it out. Well done Quaynor.


Gunston finishes with a nice goal in junk time. He was unsighted otherwise.


Then, a sickening moment. Kelly goes down with a busted wrist or dislocated elbow. I hope it’s elbow. At the same time Cox went up one handed. I’m pretty sure his wrist wasn’t busted or elbow dislocated. Are you getting my theme here?


Hyphen cheats out the back for a goal. Bring out the gold jacket Joffa!


Scharenberg cops one in the ribs. Hopefully there’s no break.


At the siren, the final score is 8.11.59 to Hawthorn 3.9.27.


Take aways

  • The new boys are good
  • Grundy is back, but not at his best
  • Treloar is not quite back to full strength. His kicking was less than expected
  • Stephenson looked lost
  • Elliott was reinvigorated
  • Phillips is still struggling
  • Brown was sub par
  • Pendles was quiet yet effective
  • The back line is in good stead
  • Mihocek’s back to his best
  • Mayne is just there, but at the right time
  • Varcoe’s good but nearly done
  • Adams is really solid – he adds grunt
  • Crisp is falling back to bad moments
  • Cox can’t play football. He’s depriving the players in the forward line of oxygen until he starts to be a part of genuine marking contests to mark it or bring it to ground for the likes of Stephenson, De Goey, Atu and co.


The Hawks were nothing like the old unsociables. The Pies won but I’m not convinced that they’re back until we play a more organised opposition.


The umps favoured us in the second half. There were lots of calls of thrown ball.


Chad Wingard is cooked.


I don’t like the shortened game and I fear the AFL will use it to push for a Twenty20 style footy in the future with a hundred (figuratively) or so games a week like in the NBA.


One last test: there were numerous song lines involved in the report. I suspect only old buggers will get them all?


It must be time for a beer.


COLLINGWOOD     5.1     6.5     7.8     8.11     (59)
HAWTHORN           1.0     2.1     2.2     3.9     (27)

Collingwood: Mihocek 4, Hoskin-Elliott 2, Kelly, Cox
Hawthorn: Smith, McEvoy, Gunston

Collingwood: Treloar, Moore, Mihocek, Elliott, Wills, Pendlebury
Hawthorn: Sicily, Mitchell, Smith, Morrison, Day



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  1. george smith says

    The big boy can’t play in the wet. Last year he was good at Legoland with the roof closed. It was particularly wet up here on Friday night but the weather should be better in September and October. It would be Alanis Morrisetteish if we end up playing finals at our old happy hunting ground, Olympic (ANZ) Stadium. But I don’t want to play the Giants at the Showgrounds!

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