Round 4: The 2014 ‘Mopsy’ Fraser Cup

Greetings Tipsters

What are Carlton so upset about?  The sporting flop of the weekend was surely Jorge Lorenzo who, after crashing out in the last round of the Moto GP, seriously needed a win in Austin.  So he jumped the start.  By half a second.  In front of a world-wide audience.

That was as exciting as the race got.  It was thereafter a procession around the uniquely terrible track – two long straights with hairpins at each end, more hairpins, a wobbly bit, no fast flowing corners or spots of interest.  In local terms, it ain’t even Wakefield Park, let alone Phillip Island.

The race was about as nail-biting as this last round of football.  And there’s another thing the Café Set should be congratulating themselves on, the lowest losing margin of this benighted Round Four.  23 points!  It’s an heroic loss by the standards of this week.  Sure, it was to a team who’ve forgotten the words to their victory song, and they kicked just two goals after halftime, but that’s two more than the Wiggles kicked after quarter time.

Carlton took the heat off Richmond.  My only note for that match is “Middle of the third and it’s 10.7 to 3.8, spectacular.”  The Toothless Tiggers kicked a few late goals that obscured just how truly horrible they really were.  Top Four, too bloody right – ya goose.  Richmond are ready to implode and make another half-arsed attempt at ‘rebuilding.’

High point of the night, maybe the round, was hearing The Hives’ ‘Hate to say I told you so’ over the match highlights.  I’ve been saying and writing since I first saw this band in 2005 that they should play the Grand Final.  The Hives are the best live act I’ve ever caught – We’re up the front at that show, and I felt a little bit vindicated hearing Hives on Teev.

Sateve and the Monaros faded in the last term, the Dogs kicking seven goals to one.  They played on a wet track last week, shorter break, maybe that took something out of them, but it was experience that made the difference.  The Dogs have a few more wise old heads and their influence was notable after halftime.  This fan wasn’t surprised by the final result, but by the fadeout.  Mumford ought rank #1 in the AFL for The Most Important Player To His Team, clearly demonstrated by his absence.

The Goldies Ground has little planter boxes and herbs in the executive suites.  How cute.  Are they labelled for their new-age properties?  “Sniff this euphoric when winning by five goals or more”, “sniff this calmative when being thumped by Hawthorn.”  It was one of three games of the five on Saturday in which the loser’s score was tripled by the winner’s.

How often has that happened before?  Probably a lot in the 1980s, but when did it last happen?  Where’s Col Hutchinson when you need him?  The Almanac should keep him on call, hooked into fone and puter and wired on caffeine and energy drinks from Frieve to Monday

Two humiliations and three thrashings so far, though the farce at Kardinia Park is both, and only the plucky youngsters from Breakfast Point showed any verve in defeat this weekend.

I was starting to think that Neville Franklin might be the recruit of the year, because the rest of Sydney’s forward line is injured – unless it’s a cunning plot of some kind.  And maybe it is – lull the rest of the league into a false sense of security and then, wham-bam, look out Freo!

But it’s hard to see that happening.  The Swans were awful – I am in full of awe at their near-total cluelessness.  Just like two weeks ago, they let an oppo player run loose in defence, who cleaned up with less effort than Perky Girl when there’s wine on the floor.  Sydney have about as much credibility as Richmond this week, but get a bit of a let-off cos they’ve been consistently good for a long time.  You gotta wonder, though, why have so many decent players forgotten how to do it?

St Kilda’s last goal was disappointing, in a statistical fashion, because I was looking forward to FOUR losers having their score tripled.  Where did these Crows come from?  They were diabolical last week.  Essendon were handily dealt with by the FKA Funky Purps.  Thommo shrugged and told the boys “Forget about it, let’s have us some fun next week – when Chapman and Fletcher are back.”

Easter Monday, Geelong meet Hawthorn on the big dance floor, the two undefeated champion teams – could this premiership season be a two horse race?  Everyone will be talking it up – who can threaten?  A bolter from the pack takes out a favourite in the prelim and gets cleaned up in the Big Un?  Yeah, I know those big teams are really good and all but…

It’s great to watch the young teams play a different kinda footy – less accountable, more instinctive, better to watch.  It’s fast and risky, it won’t win flags – but, by the gods, it’s good football.

Cheers, Tipsters

P&C, a Stop Privatisation Of Footy Production, a division of Trans-Dementia Inc.

Brought to you with the assistance of The Hives’ ‘Your New Favourite Band.’

About Earl O'Neill

Freelance gardener, I've thousands of books, thousands of records, one fast motorcycle and one gorgeous smart funny sexy woman. Life's pretty darn neat.


  1. Martin McGlashan says

    Thanks Earl. Agreed on The Hives. That youtube clip has been on high rotation at my place this weekend.

    I went to the Manuka game and knew it was going to be good when a dune buggy came out before the game to collect the goal-practice nets.

    We sat in front of a Dogs fan whose main task was to badger Josh Hunt for ducking his head once ~6 years ago. I feel sorry for both of them.

    Also, for the last week, whenever someone asks me a question my default answer has been “Kick it to Bob”.

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