Round 3 – Gold Coast v Carlton: Live from the surface of the sun

Did you know the Suns and the Blues played on the surface of the sun? No wonder the Suns had the advantage. Um…

Look, I like Levi Casboult, and I feel we should argue that marking the ball within 50 meters of goal should count as a goal. Or demand a Royal Commission into making the goals much, much wider.

I really like Charlie Curnow and Charlie Curnow’s 90’s haircut. It’s right up there with Bryce’s man-bun on the Carlton Hairstyle Power List.

If Brian Taylor calls Gary Ablett the “Little Master” again, I may go on a murderous rampage.

Actually, if Brian Taylor or Cameron Ling open their mouths again, I will go on a murderous rampage.

Did you know it was hot on the Gold Coast?

Carlton would be much better if we had, y’know, a forward line.

Skills weren’t the sharpest from both teams for the first three quarters, but that wasn’t surprising considering the Sherrin had been replaced with an oval shaped piece of hot lava. It is that hot on the GC.

Tom Lynch is quite good.

“Gee BT, you have to wonder if the Carlton boys have acclimatised for the conditions. Maybe Brendan Bolton has installed an oval-sized oven at Ikon Park for the boys to train in?”

KIDS EAT FREE EVERY MONDAY!* at Southport Sharks is easily the most provincial electronic signage seen at an AFL ground, even more than the electronic signage for Port Adelaide’s preferred doctor.

Carlton would be much better if the back line didn’t wander off to get a pie and a mid-strength on regular occasions.


What’s worse: the out of bounds rule or the umpires’ interpretation of it?

If your team is playing the Suns, do you cringe too when G. Ablett gets the pill? Even after all those injuries that he’s endured, the man is frustratingly brilliant.

Believe the Jacob Weitering hype, he’s Silvangi-esque. I repeat, Silvangi-esque.

I ended up losing count of the Tom Lynch goals.

Looking forward to Adam Saad running the 100m at Carrara in 2018. Speaking of 2018, I hope Gold Coast FC don’t get any bad ideas and adopt a Blue Koala mascot after its Games duties are completed. Meanwhile, I suspect the Gold Coast runner is now dashing through Ballina. Godspeed, my good man.

What should have been a rote four or five goal loss for the Blues blew out to a eight goal loss. Er, it’s an improvement on last week.

It was a pretty anaemic performance for the Blues with the exception of Weitering, the elder half of the Crazy Curnow Brothers, Sam Docherty and the mandatory Cripps cameos.

This isn’t your dreadfully woeful and disinterested 2014/2015-era Carlton, however. The boys give it a red hot crack but over half the team is outgunned either in skills/experience. Also, Levi aside, we can’t mark the ball within the fifty – which I understand is an impediment to scoring goals.

Okay, they gave it a red hot crack… apart from the last quarter, that was dreadful. But it’s not like we have certain infuriating individuals on the team (Chris Yarran and Lachie Henderson, I’m talking to you).

Oh no, we play the Bulldogs next week.

Gold Coast are a good team. Are they a Finals-bound team? Er, yes, quite possibly. Considering how terrible the Blues were in the last quarter, the scoreline does flatter the overall performance on the night a tad. [Remembers the Collingwood and Richmond performances from earlier in the day.] Okay, most definitely finals-bound. I should mention that Aaron Hall was excellent as well.

If you’re looking for a getaway this winter, why not try the Gold Coast? I understand that it can be quite warm there.

GOLD COAST 3. 2 5. 7 9. 10 13. 16 (94)
CARLTON 1. 3 3. 5 5. 8 5. 11 (41)

Gold Coast: Lynch 4, Martin 3, Cameron, Day, Hall, Malceski, Matera, Sexton
Carlton: Casboult, Cripps, C. Curnow, Tuohy, Wright

Gold Coast: Lynch, Kolodjashnij, Hall, Ablett, Martin, Malceski
Carlton: Weitering, Gibbs, E. Curnow, Docherty, Murphy

Official crowd: 13,885 at Metricon Stadium

Votes: 3 Lynch (GC), 2 Hall (GC), 1 Ablett (GC)

About The Philby

Inconsistent contrarian. Barracker of Carlton FC and South Adelaide FC. Resident of Sydney. Holder of the record of shortest umpiring career with the South Australian Cricket Association.

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