Round 22: The Pre Wrap

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For the Philosophical Marngrook Follower

Ciad Mile Failte.  What a month or two it’s been in Football Eddie.  And what a changing Football landscape.  Sir James the Litigious has ridden off into the sunset.  His work at Melrose Drive done.  The Booing of Adam has been dealt with. Belatedly.  Maybe it was the good hard look at ourselves we had to have.  The Fairy Tale Prince look-alike at Jellymont House had been copping his fair share of criticism for insincerity and lack of real contact with the punters.  The much vaunted price controlled at the food & beverage outlets has proven to be nothing more than a bit of window dressing at selected venues on selected dates, and overall, the administration of The Game has been allowed to drift along as per usual, albeit with a more fluffy public image than that of the Ayatollah.  Timely, last week he had an image –saving deal of a lifetime land in his lap as Prince Rupert extended his cavernous cankerous claws around Prince Charming and Our Great Game.  (You not going to mention the Black Prince’s gross hypocrisy in discovering the Indigenous Code after all these decades Wrap? – Ed)  And Carlton half inch the Assistant Coach at Hawthorn to start their laborious journey back to respectability.

Of course we can’t allow the rise & rise of The Bulldog Breed to go unrecorded, nor The Soupboners run at September with a string of wins culminating with a Famous Victory against The Mauve Miasma under cover last weekend.  And let’s not forget The Striped Marvels.  Still an unknown, but showing every sign that they’re going to play a significant role in September.  Nor should we ignore The Pride of South Australia.  Coming at the Finals with a withering run, they could shape the make-up of the Eight to a substantial degree.

One thing that hasn’t changed Wrappers, and that the invertebrates at the MRP.  How the Hawthorn Captain got off with two weeks for nothing short of a vicious unprovoked attack on one of The Game’s best ball players beggars belief.  And those Hodge apologies are wearing as thin as a Tony Abbott smile at a shopping mall baby kissing.  As for the other great recidivist, Player Fyfe, The Bagmen must be spewing GBP at the outcome.  He was rubbed out twice last season, has been fined twice this season.  He slides in past the ball with a raised forearm and collects his opponent, who is trying to pickup the ball, in the head.  If he has no case to answer the MRP certainly has.

But let’s be serious about this Wrappers.  Have three medals.  One for the Fairest & Best – The Brownlow.  The Whatever It Takes Medal – The Barassi Medal.  And the Mad Dog of The Year – the Mopsy Fraser Medal.  (I thought that was going to be the Robbie Muir Medal Wrap – Ed)

The Saggy Greens have saved a bit of honour for the record books, but this last Ashes series was like watching a series of king hits along the zombie zone outside nightclub alley in a capital city near you.  And as about as meaningful.  The stats are in the record book and Geoffrey Boycott has been as entertaining as Mark Latham.  Cook & Co have the Ashes and we don’t get them back until 2017.  So much for the Flannelled Fools.

The Southern Stars did a better job of it, as all our women’s teams seem to do.  The Diamonds made it three World Titles on the trot.  The Matildas made it through to the Finals in the Women’s World Cup.  The Hockeyroos are world class, and there’s not the slightest whiff of corruption in any of the female versions of team sport.  Honest sport played for the love of it.  Now that’s where we’ll be from now on.

We notice Kyrgios the Wonderdog has been giving cretins a bad name again.  What is it with our youth tennis structure?  We keep turning out brats.  And it’s sad to watch as they spin like Catherine wheels and rattle to a burnt out piece of spent cardboard.  First it was The Scud, then Jelena Dokic, then Bernard Tomic who bombed out, now it’s the latest product of the Australian junior tennis camp.  Do they ever test them for aptitude for overnight fame and wealth?  Sure Connors and McEnroe were brats, but surely not to this degree.  The latest outburst from the out-of-control Kyrgios was just so gob-smackingly obnoxious you had to re-play it to make sure you heard what you heard.  Maybe he should be playing basket ball somewhere in LA.

But enough of my gabbin’.  Let’s see who’s going to be to amongst the few after Round XXII.

The Sleepy Hollow Millionaires v The Monochromes tonight at THOF.  The Maggies are coming off a belting against The Tigers of Old and even Joffa has deserted them.  Dusty Martin wasn’t actually giving a two-finger salute; he was counting the number of Cheer Squad members who were still at their post behind the Collingwood end.  The Moggies are coming off a draw against The Feeling Faints.  Kelly & Menzel are back for the Catters.  Brown & Scharenberg are in for The Woodsmen.  Toovey has actually been rested.  (Those 15 goal losses can sure take it out of you, eh Wrap? – Ed)  Coach Figjam will want to be stamping some authority over his charges going into The Long Dark Summer, and the Handbaggers will want to hang on to the Best Side Out of The Finals tag for Season 2015.  We’re saying they can.  Geelong to drive the penultimate nail into the lid of Carringbush’s 2015 season.

The Greater Western Sydney Giants v The Only Team All Carlton Knows for the early one on Saturday up at Spotless Stadium.  The Leviathans have decided to give everyone a game before the season closes.  The Blue Tankers have found a taste for winning.  The interest here lies in how Yarran & the Kreuzer play for the talent scouts who’ll undoubtedly be at the ground.  The Silvertails to prevail in this otherwise meaningless encounter.

The Mayblooms v The Boys From Old Fitzroy down at Lonny at the traditional time.  Next.

The Kangas v The Dogs on the Shifting Sands in the gathering gloom.  These are a couple of the form sides in the competition.  The Roos spiked another barrel of The Magic Elixir last week to rein in The Ladder Leaders and look to be on a streak – at last.  The Tricolours are dragging their weary bones back from a solid going over at the hands of The Flag Favourites .  It will be a humdinger, but we’re going for the Homeside in this one.  North to prevail in an entertaining contest.

The Gliders v The Striped Marvels on The Big Stage on Saturday night.  The Flying Syringes showed a bit of fight last weekend and may have been stiff to miss out on the Four Points.  They’re blooding McKenna and trotting Chappy out for a farewell game.  It will be another match where you’re likely to find more talent scouts than Bomber Faithful as they pick over the bones of the EFC.  The Tiges won’t blink.  They’re after that Double Chance, and percentage will count.  Expect a goal blitz and at $1.12 they’re about right.

Gold Coast v The Power up on the Metricon.  Both sides have had disappointing seasons.  Both sides will be out to give their fans some glimmer of hope for season 2016.  Port gave The Hawks a good touch up last Friday and should be able to carry that form up to the borderlands.  The Power From Port for ours.  And if you like a good white knuckle ride, you can buy a ticket on the Port Bandwagon that pays $1.33.

The Pride of South Australia v The Wedgies in the shadows of Mt Lofty for the early one on Sunday.  The Free Settlers have hit a rich vein of form and The Rabid Adelaide Mob is in full cry once more.  Can The Premiership Favourites prevail?  They’re 6 points and percentage up on their nearest rival and can’t lose the Double Chance and a Home Final.  The Crows on the other hand are striving for a Home Final.  We reckon that incentive will get them over the line.  The Mighty Adelaide Crows from the Wrapcave.  And with the Bourse in disarray, investors will be seeking surety.  At $2.40 they’re the Wrap Investment Opportunity of the Round.

The Eel Race Road Seagulls v The Lakers under cover around that 3.20 mark on the Sunday.  The Bloods are playing for a Double Chance in this and have recalled Buddy, Rohan & Mitchell.  Will Buddy play?  Who knows?  One thing’s for sure though, The Swans will need him if they’re going to make an impression in September.  The Saints have recalled Adam Schneider for a farewell game against his old club.  (And what a loyal servant of both clubs he’s been – Ed)  They’ve been playing some inspiring football this season and more than once missed out on the Four Points with some errant kicking on goal when the match was up for grabs.  Look, we reckon they’ve got what it takes to pinch this one.  Big Rooey to star and Buddy to slip into the red vest early in the piece.  Oh, and Adam S to turn in a blinder against his old club.  Heard it all before?  Sure, but fairy tales do come true.  Cinders is still slipping into the cut crystal stilettos and the woodchopper is still turning up in the nick of time to save Little Red Riding Hood.  So why wouldn’t Brokelads payout on The Feeling Faints at $4.40?  That’s right Wrappers, Saint Kilda are The Wrap Roughie of The Round.

The Barry Crockers v The Team That Never Was over on the Balmy Western Reaches of The Fatal Shore to close of Round XXII of the 2015 Toyota Premiership Season.  The Stevedores aren’t taking any chances with The White Hot Brownlow Favourite and have also omitted Crozier.  Harry L has turned an ankle for the Fuchsias (In the nicest possible way of course – Ed) as has Chris Dawes.  Brayshaw’s been rested.  They’re the lucky ones.  The Pav’s back and Rossy Lyon will be keen to see some goal scoring from his forwards going into September.  The Bagmen have them out at $1.10, which puts them in the Mortgage Buster class.   Hock the kids for this one.  You could even borrow some from the neighbours and grab that loud mouth year-nine brat of your sisters.  It just doesn’t get any juicier than this.  The Mauve Miasma playing OTR in front of the Knowledgeable Fremantle Supporter Base.  And they’re playing a team of basket weavers who’ve not only lost their baskets, but they’ve lost their weave too.  Freo to give The Dees the old Heave Ho.

Good tipping and even better punting.

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About John Mosig

I'm an Aussie Rules tragic who can remember, as a four year old, shaking the hand of Captain Blood in the rooms just before he ran out onto the ground after half time, as my Old Man slipped him a packet of under-the-counter Craven A cork tipped. Now it's my turn to take my grandson Ben through the ritual of character building that is the journey through PUNT ROAD to the outside world.


  1. Good to have you back Wrap, but jeez what happened while you were over in the Old Dart? You used to be a SOTG, but no mention of TMHFE in your intro. Typical myopic Victorian bias.
    The Free Settlers last 5 wins have been Lions, Bombers, Tigers, Suns and Power. Fair dinkum, you’d get more fight out of a stuffed toy than that lot. When they have come up against Top 4 sides in the last 2 months – Swans and Eagles – they got flogged.
    Now that you are back to hold the fort, AE and I will head off to the Cote D’or next week to check out the vintage. Salut.

  2. Paddy Grindlay says

    Still in stitches after the salute from Dusty. I agree with you Wrapster, but unfortunately I don’t think dustin can count past the amount of fingers he raised.

  3. John Butler says

    Geez Wrap. A touch optimistic (deluded?) re the Miseries’ hopes. I fear it will be a number of years before we stop eating GWS dust.

    Remember, it’s not tanking when you’re genuinely hopeless.

    Dusty was stiff. By Magpie cheer squad standards that was Wildean wit and sophistication.

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