Round 13 Winners and Losers

The byes are finally gone. I think Beau Waters scared them off.


Collingwood (and the West Coast Eagles…)

Both Collingwood and West Coast continue to confound eminent doctors and scientists by playing so well despite half their sides being out on account of major injury/obscure illness/missing limbs. The Eagles don’t have their two best forwards! Take the two best forwards off any other team and I doubt they’d be sitting pretty in the top four. Collingwood seem to suffer a major injury every week and it’s clearly only through the power of the name Dayne (that name, and variations of it, had 72 possessions and 3 goals in this game) that they are not only winning, but atop the AFL ladder.

Beau Waters

Beau Waters is clearly that guy everyone knows who does needlessly dangerous or extreme things for next to no reason.

“Hey guys, do you reckon I could reach into that pit of snakes and grab a cobra with my bare hands?”

“Dude that really isn’t necessary”

“I don’t think he heard you.”

“Hey guys, do you think I should put as much of this pepper up my nose as possible?”

“Why on Earth would you want to do that?”

“He’s doing it anyway”

“Hey guys, I feel like driving on the right hand side of the road”

“I can’t begin to tell you how bad of an idea that is.”

“Why do we keep hanging out with you?”

The amount of times Waters simply goes back with the flight of the ball despite there being a pack of players about to crash into his back is incredible. His facial expression during these moments is almost unnerving. When most players find themselves in these positions, you can see them, quite logically, brace themselves for an expected impact. Not Waters. He wears the same face he has when he is simply kicking a 15 metre pass to an unmarked teammate. So often is Waters in these situations that I think he actively seeks them. It wouldn’t surprise me to discover he is a thrill junkie.

Brisbane Lions

There was so much to like about Brisbane’s 58 point win over the Western Bulldogs. The Triple Rs in Rockliff, Redden and Rich were all fantastic. Pearce Hanley was awesome off the half-back flank. Black returned with 23 possessions at an astonishing 96% efficiency. They kicked 18 goals, and Jonathon Brown was responsible for none. You would’ve got long odds on that happening.

And then there is the Dayne.

Dayne Zorko is 6 games into his AFL career. Most of the time you’re happy if your six game player doesn’t look entirely out of his depth at AFL level, and even if he does, hey, it’s only his sixth game. Zorko bypassed this stage and leaped straight into the ‘important component in the team’ phase of an AFL player’s career.

Tom Rockliff’s “jumper grab” celebration

I’m a big fan of the jumper grab celebration in general. To me it might be the most impassioned of celebrations. Something about it is very raw, and it seems to affect supporters in a funny way. Find any Brisbane (or Fitzroy) fan and ask them about it and I guarantee they all say they loved it. Every single one of them.

The jumper or logo grab celebration is one of the few instances where we as fans feel like the players care as much as we do. Rockliff knew what the jumper meant to a lot of Brisbane/Fitzroy fans. That’s why he did it. That sort of awareness means a lot to fans, and endears the player to them in a way not even repeat brilliant performances does.

This guy understands. He understands what this means to us.

Well, that’s what I think about it all anyway.

Brisbane’s heritage jumper

While I’m talking about jumper grabs we may as well talk about the jumper itself. It was absolutely brilliant. In fact nearly every single alternate jumper the Lions wear is supreme to their current home Guernsey.

North Melbourne

The Kangaroos should really thank Adelaide for jump-starting their season two years on the trot. Last year the shinboners were sitting on 2 wins and 7 losses leading into their first game against the Crows. They destroyed Adelaide, and then reeled off another 3 wins in a row.

This time they were 5 and 6, coming off a 115 point flogging against the Hawks and a bumbling 7 point win over the lowly Suns. The season was in jeopardy. Head honchos James Brayshaw and Brad Scott were plummeting in popularity. So they probably breathed a sigh of relief when they saw Adelaide was next up. The Crows hadn’t tasted victory against them since round 12 in 2009 (A game that finished 9.14.68 to North’s 3.6.24. Not so much a “classic”, but more a “take all copies and fire them into the Sun” kind of match.)

Unsurprisingly Adelaide made the Kangaroos look their best since their clash against the Cats earlier in the year (aka Brad’s favourite day ever in the history of all days). For only the second time this year they lost the contested possession count, and the Kangaroos took full advantage. Lindsay Thomas kicked more goals than behinds. You know it’s not your day when that happens. He even nailed a set shot when the pressure was on. That’s at even shorter odds than the Lions kicking 18 goals and Brown being responsible for none of them.

Adelaide has given the Roos new life in 2012. The onus is now on North to not waste this gift. So, naturally, look for them to fight Richmond for ninth.

Sydney Swans

It’s all about perspective.


We are so good that we only need to play for three quarters to ensure victory these days.


That’s two weeks in a row the team has forgotten there are four quarters in a game of football.

Guys who are traditionally defenders bagging goals

Everyone loves a goal, and defenders are no exception. This week Melbourne defenders turned forwards Jared Rivers and Colin Garland kicked 4 and 3 goals respectively. In Brisbane full-back come full-forward Daniel Merrett continued his fine form in front of goal with another 4 against the Dogs. Teammate Ashley ‘I rotate between being a forward and defender every couple of years’ McGrath kicked 5 of his own. Kangaroo Robbie Tarrant entered this weekend with only 1 goal in his career and left it with another 4 to his name, and after beginning his career in the back half young Essendon focal point Michael Hurley had his best game of 2012, topping this week’s goals chart by registering 6 majors against the Dockers.


Tom Swift

Looks like he is auditioning for a role in Napoleon Dynamite II.

Jesse Crichton’s hairdo

What on earth is that? It’s like its own species. I’ve seen horror movies with creatures less horrifying than that thing. I think Jesse is just a vessel for it. A human host if you will.

Fremantle’s final quarter

After leading at three quarter time, Fremantle could only manage a single behind while the Bombers added 4.6 to their score. The Dockers had a real chance to get a leg up on the cluster of teams fighting for 7th and 8th on the ladder, but instead find themselves 12th.


Could have gone top and instead find themselves in fifth place and a significant chunk of percentage behind those around them. The Crows put in a terrible performance against the Kangaroos, and were clearly second best for all but 12 minutes in the third term. I’d try to explain what went wrong with a degree of depth but it’s much simpler to just say everything and be done. They looked lazy for much of the game, and lazy teams don’t win games of football.

About Adam Ritchie

My name is Adam. I started watching football with two fellow parapsychologists in an abandoned firehouse. When we’re not watching footy, we’re running our own pest control business. What do you mean I stole that from Ghostbusters?


  1. Winners and Losers is a highlight of my week. Great stuff, Adam. You’re right, I loved Rockliff before the jumper grab, he’s got it all, it would seem.

  2. You Victorians.

    I write this with a patronising smile, not bitterness.

    To 95% (at least) of all Victorian AFL supporters, there are only 12 acceptable jumper design/colour combinations, and only 12 acceptable theme songs. Nothing else is any good at all – in fact they are all a figure of fun and general abuse.

    Even minor changes are only tolerated – not accepted. Put Melbourne back in their orginal blue, or number the Hawks with the white rectangle and a black number and you get all goo-ey – led by the commentariat.

    Obviously a slow day here – just an observation.

  3. Adam

    Witty as always mate.

    The Brisbane jumper was magnificent. What is goin on in the world when they could prefer a paddle pop lion to it? Will sanity ever prevail?

  4. the paddle pop lion choice is beyond comprehension.

  5. Adam Ritchie says

    Cheers one and all for your comments!

    I don’t understand the paddle pop lion choice, and from what I gather neither do Brisbane fans. The Adelaide logo is abhorrent as well. Much prefer the old one.

  6. Skip of Skipton says

    Fitzroy made a critical error in the mid-’70s when they changed their dark maroon, dark blue and white monogram jumper to the red, royal blue and yellow monogram ‘colour TV’ monstrosity. The old one had panache.

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