Round 1 – Melbourne v Geelong: Two Musketeers is Two Too Many


The Dees have a pretty good Round 1 record in recent years.


3 wins from 3 first up starts.


Whilst Geelong at the MCG is a step up in class, a Cats side missing Porthos and Aramis should be winnable and the Dees start favourites.


There’s no such thing as a sure thing.


During the week leading up to the 3.20pm Sunday Blockbuster, it starts to look like Little Gazza will be ready for Round 1. I hear one of the Melbourne boys say they want the Cats to be at full strength. Really? I’d be happy with a forfeit but you want all Three Musketeers there?


Midweek news filters through that Tom McDonald might not be right, Viney’s definitely going to miss and I hear Oliver is in doubt. I’m glad they have rested over the off-season.


By Wednesday night the match-ups are all over the shop. On Married at First Sight, Carly has a hard tag on Troy and Patrick needs to man up on Charlene. There’s a fair bit of action behind they play.


Thursday night the footy is back. It feels like home.


By Sunday afternoon, I remember ‘We want the Cats to be at full strength’. There’s only one Musketeer missing. Dangerfield. We don’t always get what we wish for.


Oliver is in but Viney and McDonald are set to miss 6 to 8 weeks.


Bailey Fritsch is like a jack in the box and kicks his first goal for the Dees. Salem gives away a free kick for tackling too hard and a Geelong player doesn’t hear Hogan say his safe word and gives a way a 50m penalty for getting too close. These nuances of Gen Y footy take some getting used to. Later I see one of the worst free kicks in the history of the game. A Geelong player is penalised for ‘forcefulness’.


Don’t ruin the game. Please.


Fogarty and Ratugolea are impressive on debut for the Cats and give the Dees defenders and commentators a bit of trouble. It’s hard to get the faux in Fogarty.


It’s an exciting first quarter with 11 goals kicked and the Dees lead by 4 points at the break.


Oliver goals in the second quarter and he looks impressive. He will poll well in the Brownlow this year. He’s classy and he’s into everything. He will poll especially well in matches that don’t involve Selwood and Ablett.


After Oliver’s goal, the MCG turns into a stage production of Married at First Sight. There are very loose men everywhere. For all the defensive work Roosy put into the Dees it seems to have been forgotten in a red and blue heart beat. Geelong pile on 7 goals for the quarter and have reached 80 by half time.


In the third quarter, Selwood is involved in a sickening incident and all footy supporters have their hearts in their mouth. In his 250th game, his knees buckle, his shoulder shrugs and the umpire gives him his first free kick for a high tackle in 2018. Later he hurts his knee.


Harry Taylor is off the ground with a footy injury, he has his foot in a bucket of ice and Guthrie, the unkept one, is also in trouble with an injury.


The Cats are wounded. The Dees start to surge.


There’s no such thing as a sure thing.


Gawn goals. He makes it look easy. When Petracca has the footy, things happen. He dishes off to Hannan and he goals. Neal-Bullen goals and Petracca goals. Oliver muscles-up, Jones does what Jones does, Vince hits a Cat into next week and Gawn is keeping the Dees in it.


Either team can win this. The Dees look to have more run in their legs but the old Cats are smart. The Dees trail by 7 points at three quarter time.


Menzel kicks his 4th for the game early in the last quarter. If you were every putting a squad of players together that you were genuinely happy for, he’d be your captain.


The Dees lack composure. There is no fault in their effort but their execution lets them down. Hogan kicks his 3rd goal for the game at the 11th minute mark of the last quarter. He’d be Menzel’s vice-captain. Hogan’s goal is the last for the game. Sadly.


The very experienced commentators in Taylor and Watson agree that with 6 minutes to go, there is only time for one more goal. Only one goal in 6 minutes is possible they say.


6 minutes of chaotic, mistake-riddled football. Opportunities go begging.


With only 30 seconds to go and with the Dees 4 points down, Big Maxy emerges, rising to take a good old-fashioned pack mark. Big left-of-centre Maxy is slightly out to the right about 30 metres out. He couldn’t miss from there.


I walk over to my 5 year old son Henry and I kiss him on the forehead. We’re excited. I stalk my living room with my head in my hands.


C’mon Maxy. C’mon.


This will be a great win.


Then I remember. We are the Dees.


There’s no such thing as a sure thing.


Big Maxy misses.


Aramis was missing but Athos and Porthos have killed us.




Demons supporter. 1987 broke my heart. 1988 and 2000 is gone from my memory. The scars still exist. I still want them to do it for Robbie. I dream about the magic day all the time.


  1. Love that Piffy. Gawn’s arms reached up like giant testicles to hold that grab at the end. But you can’t blame him for the Dees not getting over the line. It could have gone either way.

    Geelong’s new recruits were very impressive, especially the bald bloke from QLD. Where did we find him?

    If the Dees can find composure they’ll win plenty of games this year. Petracca is a gun.

  2. Thanks Dips. That Baldy bloke from QLD and his mates Dangerwood are going to cause a fair amount of grief I think.

  3. Bob utber says

    All of youse are forgetting about Dartagan. Happens to wear 22 for the Cats. Just watch him perform this year

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