Q & A with Adelaide’s cult security guard

Q. It was a helluva catch. Are you always that unfazed?

 

A. Yeah, it goes with the territory. You’ve got to keep a cool head in my line of work. You’ve gotta stay switched on to expect the unexpected. And that goes for airborne balls as much as streakers.

 

Q. We loved the little thumbs up after the catch.

 

A. Yeah, it’s the Fonzie in me. I actually played ‘The Fonz’ in a school production as a kid. Add a mean ‘ayy’ to the thumbs, too.

 

Q. Wow, you played the Fonz?

 

A. Uh-huh. I can even fire up a jukebox with the back of a fist; but not a swivel of the hips. That one got by me.

 

Q. So walk us through the catch.

 

A. Yeah, well I had my eyes on a couple of suspicious types just before it flew my way. One guy who’d just taken off his shirt a few rows back, and another who’d yelled out he’d jump the fence if the Strikers spilled another soda. Before I knew it, the ball was in my peripheral vision and well, I just snaffled it. Simple as that.

 

Q. No fuss, eh?

 

A. Yep, no fuss. You see, when you’re primed to run down a streaker, something like a sizzling cricket ball is the least of your troubles. In fact, I don’t want to brag, but I even managed to keep one eye on the shirtless guy through the whole process. My mind was even ticking over as to whether he was about to drop his dacks.

 

Q. And was he?

 

A. Nah, but he did scratch an itch around his groin … so I was on high alert.

 

Q. Hmm, amazing. I guess you security guards have to stay vigilant.

 

A. Sure do. Even with cricket balls in our peripheral vision.

 

Q. Okay. And what about 10’s wags saying you’ve got a bit of Rodney Rude about you?

 

A. Yeah, I get that all the time. Even when I’m doing my ‘Fonz’ impressions. People say I’m coming off more him. Even on the back of my Harley.

 

Q. You ride a Harley?

 

A. Yeah a 500cc with a V Twin engine. I tell you Banditos cower when I pull up beside them; Hell’s Angels too.

 

Q. Wow. Is there anything else awesome about you?

 

A. Well, again, I don’t mean to brag, but I’m now a fielding consultant for the Australian team. Ian Chappell fast tracked me into the mix after seeing my fingers up technique. Told me I’m as natural as he’s come across. Reckons I’ll even be able to sort Matthew Wade out. But gee, sorting out Matthew Wade? I might be the coolest security guy in the Big Bash, but I’m not a miracle worker.

 

Q. Yes, that would take some doing.

 

A. It would take a S-load of doing!

 

Q. Hmm … okay, well that’s just about it I guess. And would you like to say anything before we wrap up?

 

A. Yeah, I just want to plug a new academy I’m opening. It’s called ‘Crowd catches 101,’ and we’ll be tutoring fans on how to catch 6’s without coming off as boneheads. We’ll also be having classes on how to be in the background of a live news cross without making an arse of yourself. I’m hoping the whole thing will be a winner.

 

Q. Reckon it will be security guy; reckon it will be.

 

A. Thanks. And if I can just say a hello?

 

Q. Sure.

 

A. Yeah, just want to say hello to Joe the Cameraman and the Watermelon kid. See you boys for Xmas drinks. Though, it’ll just be shandies for you melon boy.

About Punxsutawney Pete

Punxsutawney Pete see's a shadow: twelve more months of winter

Comments

  1. charlie brown says:

    Enjoyed the read. Very funny. Loved the referencing of the shirtless guy.

  2. Luke Reynolds says:

    ayy great stuff!
    There should be more of The Fonz on the Almanac. And Ian Chappell. And Joe the Cameraman.

  3. ayy Luke. A Rodney Rude look a like coming off at the Fonz. What a concoction the security guard is.

  4. Well played,Pete a great read v v clever

  5. How about the fingers raised technique, Rulebook? Ian Chappell would have been as thrilled. Henry Winkler too, with the nonchalant thumbs.

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