Phantom Apologises to Magpies

As I have travelled the long and winding road that is life I have become hardened and have learned that life will always throw something unexpected that will jolt you out of your comfort zone.

I am also now fully cognisant of the fact that ‘footy is life’ and considering  through that transposition it is accepted that footy will always throw something at you that will jolt you out of your comfort zone. And it certainly has.

Several years ago I was resigned to the fact that I would pass on as a sad old unfulfilled man without enjoying the absolute bliss of seeing Geelong win a flag. In 2007 the loss to North Melbourne in round five was unbearable. We had a two three win loss ratio and were up to our old prick teaser at the school dance routine of promising the world and giving nothing. (Can I say that?)

Then it all changed. Boy oh boy did it change. Life sent me an unexpected jolt. In a football instant our treatment from the footy world went from condescension to being hatred: quicker than you can say two out of three ain’t bad. It certainly blew me out of my comfort zone.

But life goes on in the periphery (refer to the Collingwood game plan) and I hardly blinked at the mirror image of Melbourne Storm flags and was merely bemused when the salt hit the fan and they had to hand them back for being involved in a practice that has underpinned most of the big name VFL clubs successes.

Why should I care? The Cats didn’t tank or salary cap wrought. We won them fair and square. I have the memories, photos and the DVD’s to prove it. (So do the Storm supporters, just as a quirky little aside.)

So here I am blissfully preparing for a fourth preliminary final in a row at the Wynyard Footy Club casserole night in preparation for their impending crack at an under 19’s flag on Saturday when life / footy throws me another hand grenade.

Just like the ducks on the water scenario where all is still on the surface but the movement is derived from the turbulence from the little webbed feet below, things appeared fine. But then the little ducks, heaps of them, moved closer to me. I was surrounded by them and when they got in close I realised they were not ducks they were magpies; and they started to peck me.

That was hard enough to take but then the grenade exploded. I was jolted back into reality by the mob of intellectual giants who mercilessly gave me a lesson in history. Here I was believing that there was a chance for the Cats to win two in a row and three out of four which would possibly be enough to get them a mention in Demetrio’s despatches when he writes his footy memoires rumoured to be titled ‘Alone I Dunnit’.

But no! No! No! No! No way at all! It was Collingwood who were going for the double and the three out of four because we had not won the flags. They shoudda.

We stole their flags. They were the better team. We didn’t deserve them. They were better much than us, and on and on and on and on and on……..

I was shell shocked. And to make matters worse they made it quite clear that they have already won the 2010 flag.

So there it is folks. As Bomber said, in that now apparent illusion last September, ‘sometimes footy sucks’. It sure does for me at the moment. How could I have been so stupid?

So all there is left for me to do is apologise to the Magpie faithfull for breaking the commandments relating to theft and coveting and wish them well for this, and recent, season’s success. Winn’em and wear’m my dad always used to say.

Finally can anyone give me the address of a worthy Collingwood recipient of all my premiership memorabilia? It is a wonderful collection and should be enjoyed by persons who deserve it. Oh, and perhaps the name of a Smith Street a neurosurgeon to do the lobotomy to purge all those wonderful memories.