Phantom Apologises to Magpies

As I have travelled the long and winding road that is life I have become hardened and have learned that life will always throw something unexpected that will jolt you out of your comfort zone.

I am also now fully cognisant of the fact that ‘footy is life’ and considering  through that transposition it is accepted that footy will always throw something at you that will jolt you out of your comfort zone. And it certainly has.

Several years ago I was resigned to the fact that I would pass on as a sad old unfulfilled man without enjoying the absolute bliss of seeing Geelong win a flag. In 2007 the loss to North Melbourne in round five was unbearable. We had a two three win loss ratio and were up to our old prick teaser at the school dance routine of promising the world and giving nothing. (Can I say that?)

Then it all changed. Boy oh boy did it change. Life sent me an unexpected jolt. In a football instant our treatment from the footy world went from condescension to being hatred: quicker than you can say two out of three ain’t bad. It certainly blew me out of my comfort zone.

But life goes on in the periphery (refer to the Collingwood game plan) and I hardly blinked at the mirror image of Melbourne Storm flags and was merely bemused when the salt hit the fan and they had to hand them back for being involved in a practice that has underpinned most of the big name VFL clubs successes.

Why should I care? The Cats didn’t tank or salary cap wrought. We won them fair and square. I have the memories, photos and the DVD’s to prove it. (So do the Storm supporters, just as a quirky little aside.)

So here I am blissfully preparing for a fourth preliminary final in a row at the Wynyard Footy Club casserole night in preparation for their impending crack at an under 19’s flag on Saturday when life / footy throws me another hand grenade.

Just like the ducks on the water scenario where all is still on the surface but the movement is derived from the turbulence from the little webbed feet below, things appeared fine. But then the little ducks, heaps of them, moved closer to me. I was surrounded by them and when they got in close I realised they were not ducks they were magpies; and they started to peck me.

That was hard enough to take but then the grenade exploded. I was jolted back into reality by the mob of intellectual giants who mercilessly gave me a lesson in history. Here I was believing that there was a chance for the Cats to win two in a row and three out of four which would possibly be enough to get them a mention in Demetrio’s despatches when he writes his footy memoires rumoured to be titled ‘Alone I Dunnit’.

But no! No! No! No! No way at all! It was Collingwood who were going for the double and the three out of four because we had not won the flags. They shoudda.

We stole their flags. They were the better team. We didn’t deserve them. They were better much than us, and on and on and on and on and on……..

I was shell shocked. And to make matters worse they made it quite clear that they have already won the 2010 flag.

So there it is folks. As Bomber said, in that now apparent illusion last September, ‘sometimes footy sucks’. It sure does for me at the moment. How could I have been so stupid?

So all there is left for me to do is apologise to the Magpie faithfull for breaking the commandments relating to theft and coveting and wish them well for this, and recent, season’s success. Winn’em and wear’m my dad always used to say.

Finally can anyone give me the address of a worthy Collingwood recipient of all my premiership memorabilia? It is a wonderful collection and should be enjoyed by persons who deserve it. Oh, and perhaps the name of a Smith Street a neurosurgeon to do the lobotomy to purge all those wonderful memories.

Cats 2009- Medallions going to a good home, apparently


  1. Very good Phantom, Iwas very amused by a magpies fane wheo called in to 927 afer the first weekend of the final. He was genuinely angry about Geelong not winning and how unfair it was the the pies would have to play the cats in the prelim. They do set themselves up for big falls the magpie faithful. Wait for the wailing come Monday about the unfairness of the final fixture. How the minor premier should be exempt from qualifying for the GF etc
    Enjoy tonight

  2. Good luck for tonight Phantom, and to all the other Geelong crew, not that u will need it. im so nervous already!!!Well im off for a jog,(in my c’wood jumper lol) they say exercise is a form of stress relief so im going to test it out.


  3. The lady doth protest too much, methinks.

  4. Danni,

    one of the nice little Collingwood ducks last night told me about being a 14yo when the Pies last won a flag.

    He said the next day he was doing his usual paper round on his bike in Wynyard in his No 35 Magpie jumper and he had to ride on the footpath because all the cars were trying to run him over. Be careful.

    Enjoy the moment and remember it’s only a game of football.

    If you do prevail over Dave’s ‘Grumpy Old Men” just imagine what next week will be like. Hope you’re up to date on your assignments.

    And win or lose a GF you would be very disfunctional the week after. I know these things; Phantoms are historic people.

    But that is just it, those Cats are very grumpy at the moment. And hungry too.

    Cheers, cherish the moment. Phantom.

  5. Memories, how sweet they are. Now pop them in the glory box.

  6. When you lose, say little.
    When you win, say less.

  7. Phantom

    Tonight’s victory over the hapless Pies will be amongst the greatest in the history of the Geelong Football Club. The umpires will probably win it for us, the Pies will probably have more inside 50s (BFD), and of course there will be the usual stream of wouldas, couldas, maybes like:

    if Dids hadda kicked that goal…….., if Cloke hadda got a kick…………if Swanny didn’t break his leg in the warm up…………..

    Looking forward to it. Go Cats

  8. Geelong zimmer frames at the ready. I’ve got an old blanket to throw over Ling and your backline.

    Take them to the meadows after this b4 Elysian Fields.

  9. Oooh. Only just noticed the photo of Andrew Mackie wearing his medallion.

    To paraphrase Dylan, the Cats better start swimmin’ or they’ll sink like a stone, cos the times they are a changin’.

  10. 4- im home and safe! Didnt get run over, but i did get beeped at by passing cars a few times lol.
    three hours of business mang revision later and ive done my bit for tonight, now i can fully focus on the game.

  11. Looks like the Pies HAVE got the premiership in the bag.

    All the best, Danni, Dave & Co – hope you smash Saints/Dogs next week! You deserve this! :-D

  12. Herri Batasuna says

    That pic is of 2007 bytheway, S King has a medal.

  13. Too cocky, too arrogant mate. Bad luck.

    Cmon the pies :)

  14. (Too) Two Premierships

  15. Howdy Big Bro.

    So all that money spent on tattoos by swan to get noticed by the maggots has backfired :lol:

    If they had an award for the best receiver in the AFL swan would be a shoe in. The award could be named in honour of the greatest receiver in AFL history. The Nathan Buckley Medal

  16. Out of curiosity Gnarley, you support?

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