Perth Test – Writers Needed

Invers  grace

“You’ve all done very well.”

Young Mr Grace and I were very pleased with your efforts in Adelaide and Brisbane.

Faded and Funky/Mark and Steve/Woodward and Bernstein continue to top the class, but Adelaide saw great contributions from all the boys.  Except you Harms, where is your Friday homework?  I don’t care if Flynn led you astray, or Rulebook ate it.  Extra 200 lines this weekend please.

One last big push lads, and we’ll be home by Christmas.  We’ve got the poms looking worried.  Don’t take your foot of their throats, or your fingers off the keyboard.

are you being served

One day you’ll be able to tell your children that you were at the laptop when Cookie cried, Broadie broke and Swann’s song sang.

Nominations please from all comers.  Let me know which days suit and I’ll arrange the batting order.




  1. Malcolm Ashwood says

    Invers available at your beck and call also , Raj Singh available

  2. PB – can I please play the part of the unreliable floater?

  3. Available. May need top book a flight for any mounting yard reports.

  4. Invers,
    If selected, I’m happy to bat anywhere.
    In the best interests of the team.
    Rgds etc.

  5. Any spot except Friday Invers.

  6. Unreliable floater Dips?

    Sounds like a scene from Caddyshack

  7. Luke Reynolds says

    Available if and wherever required

  8. Thanks gents. More names and days please. I don’t wish to be your ‘sorry dear I can’t go visit your mother with you because I have a commitment to write for the Almanac today’ guy.
    E.Regnans and Rulebook to open the batting on Day 1 (Friday). Will advise the rest of the batting order tonight.
    The boss is watching, and I can only feign lunch break for so long

    P.S Disappointed in the lack of “I’m free” or “left my pussy out in the rain all night” responses. Big game nerves?? You’re not all taking this too seriously because its the deciding Test, I hope.

  9. Faded and Funky should bat together again. Amazing what a combination of supreme cricket understanding and knowledge from LR and nurdling leg byes and strike rotation from yours truly has contributed to the 2-0 lead.

    If the roster allows PB (and Funky’s not required to read the Colac weather), I suggest Monday/Day 4?


  10. Invers,
    Thrilled to be opening up again with Rulebook.
    We won’t let you down.

  11. Malcolm Ashwood says

    Likewise E regnans hopefully we will lay the foundations for the return of the urn

  12. Day 1 – Rulebook Rick and Woody Eucalypt in first – watch the running between wickets lads – I fear a mid pitch collision.
    Day 2 – Raj Singh from the mounting yard (Gloucester Park?); Shepparton Schumacher and JT Harms
    Day 3 – Smokie Dawson and Andrew Else (he is still on his full Almanac salary despite the indiscretions)
    Day 4 – Faded and Funky/Tugger and Afghanistan/Woodward and Bernstein. Why break a beautiful thing? Ward Rooney is doing the WIN weather on Monday night as the Perth Test cuts into the 6pm news in the Otways.
    Day 5 – Working on the principle that Day 5 is rarely required in Perth – between us the ‘unreliable floater’, MOC, PJ Flynn and Invers will cover the mocking of the Barmy Army at the Lucky Shag bar on the Barrack Street jetty on the Swan. We plan to have sobered up in time to get our reports in for Christmas reading.
    Thanks all. I would really like to see AStarkie or Tony Roberts leaping into the match day reporting. We need someone who actually watches and understands the game.
    Please anyone leap in and write any day. The ‘lineup’ is only to give us some guaranteed reporting, not to grant exclusivity.
    “I’m free, Mr Grainger”

  13. Invers
    I am thrilledto be part of the lineup.

  14. Andrew Else says

    I feel like Nathan Lyon. Repeatedly given stick from the selectors yet still happy to come back for more.

    I’ll either submit something or get my wife to do it for me

  15. Mickey Randall says

    Dear CA and those in charge, including Invers

    I’ll be back on Australian soil for Christmas and am happy to help out during the Boxing Day Test.

    Been enjoying the daily reports. Good work all.

    Mrs. Slocombe: [removes her gas mask] What about this fog! My pussy’s been gasping all night.

  16. Andrew Starkie says

    Aust wins toss again. Everything going our way so far in series. First session crucial – naturally. Rogers and Warner dig in and we can bat for five sessions. Poms get a few early and they could be batting by Stumps.

  17. Peter Flynn says


  18. Opener run out**!!##
    I predicted this. Putting Rulebook Rick and Woody together was always bound to end in tears.
    I will speak to Invers. The hare and the startled gazelle is never a good combination.

Leave a Comment