Pearce off Jack

Unfortunately it is not surprising that in the world of NRL there has been another bizarre off field incident in Sydney recently.

I’m not here to comment on the whys or wherefores of the issue other than to say that the saying “a dog is a man’s best friend” has been taken to a whole new level in Sydney.

It appears that the great sporting commentator Mr Billy Birmingham described it correctly when he uttered the famous line “Pearce off Jack” in one of his earliest compilations.

But from here it leads me to thinking of the following, which is a reflection of how my mind sadly operates.

The Elephant at Arden St
Probably the most famous of all moments when an animal took centre stage. Actually, it took off down the wing, but that is beside the point. In these nanny state days that we live in, can you imagine this occurring? Especially with a child aboard? I’m sure Worksafe would have a field day, or at least ensure that the elephant was wearing a high viz vest.

Then again, in the over commercialised world of AFL, I’m sure that the marketers not only would have the elephant on the ground, but would have taken the opportunity to have a match race against the galloping gasometer over 100 yards. Sponsorship opportunities abound !

The Pig Number 1
The pigs seem to have had the raw deal in life. Not only are the only committed animal when it comes to your weekend breakfast (the chook is just a bystander), but they also seem to be vilified in regard to being used to describe some less than svelte athletes of our time.

Plugger Lockett was singled out for ridicule, although in hindsight the pig showed a little more dexterity than the big man.

The Pig Number 2
This pig was a value for money pig, in that it was able to insult two in one outing. With (Ian) Botham on one flank and (Eddie) Hemmings on the other, this was obviously the genesis to having alternating advertising signs on stadium fences around the world.

Mr Botham was no stranger to the pig on the park, as on a number of occasions throughout his career did the pig pop his head up. I understand that Roast Pork is not Mr Botham’s dish of choice.

The Shark
Very few athletes have to multi task during their chosen event. All will often say that their ability to perform at the top level is due to their ability to focus and visualise the outcome. If this is the case, then surfer come boxer Mick Fanning is surely unique. A sponsorship from Brown Gouge is surely on the cards.

The Dog
The old joke that ends with, “….you have sex with one goat” could be paralleled with the career of Doug Booth. A leading academic and AFL footballer, he will be forever remembered as the footballer who kicked the dog.

The Cat
There have been many felines that have occasionally graced sporting fields, the most famous of all is Peter, the Lords Cat. So famous was he that he had an obituary written for him in Wisden.

The Bees
Many a game of international cricket has been halted by the sight of 13 flannelled fools and two umpires hitting the deck. Swarm of bees have halted games from Kolkota to Adelaide and I’m sure places in between. The worst I can recall is the great thrip invasion of the early ‘80’s, when every inward breath ensured some additional protein was swallowed.

The Moths
Not those that floated out of your tight waded mate’s wallet as he finally relented to return a shout, but those that were served up at the Australian Open during many night matches played under lights in the hot summer months.

Notoriously fragile tennis players dodged and weaved their way around the court to avoid the dreaded insect that once they had visited the “light” then seemed intent to intimidate a kamikaze pilot and come crashing to earth.

The Seagulls
Where there is sport in the modern day, there is fast food. Where there is fast food, there are chips. And where there are chips there are inevitably seagulls. The seagulls lot is tough, for many have been lost in battle at their apparent mecca of the MCG. Not only that, the powers that be have employed wires akin to the lasers in Entrapment (How laser dodging did not qualify as an Olympic sport after the efforts of Catherine Zeta Jones) and failing this this peregrine falcon to deter the seagulls from their natural environment and food source.

The Drunken Idiot
While not only have we seen humans endeavours intervened by animals, we have seen the reverse. How sensible is it for a human to enter a race course while the action is taking place? A dozen animals weighing 800kg each running at 40km an hour and you want to be near them?

Surely this is the domain of disgraced NRL players ? So back to the start we go…………………………….