Nicknames

Crazyhorse is still the best nickname I’ve ever heard on a footy field. The Galloping Gasometer was a close second. What was it about North Melbourne in the 70s? They were the Kangeroos, and had a gun ruck-rover called Tiger.

Richmond had Disco, The Ghost, The General, Whoosha, Hungry, The Flea, who was damn tough.

Carlton had a Flying Doormat.

What the hell happened to nicknames, anyway?  Why are commentators so determined to get it wrong? I think it’s an ego thing. Not just that they all want to be ‘professionals’, but they don’t want to be seen as the goose when one doesn’t stick.

Rex has a lot of hot air in him, but he puts fun first. I respect the bloke.

Maybe, with so much media covering the game, they don’t want to give each other credit. They make me sick. They appreciate the sport, but where has their love of the game gone?

The players know what it’s about. The King was happy to be knows as The King, but his teammates knew he was really a Duck. I bet God’s teammates didn’t call him God.

I’m damn proud to be Old Dog. To have the boys I coach, bored, hanging outside the town’s only milkbar, raise their cool cat waves and say “Hey Dog”. To have people croon “Doooooogggggggggg,” if I take a good grab.

The beauty of a nickname, too, is you can’t pick your own. More often than not, they keep you honest. Take the piss. You’ll do something, and they’ll stick.

My old club, Otway, once had a center-line of Whore-rags, Danger Mouse and Maggot. The one I’m at now, a real ripper of a place, has a Nutsa, a Balls, Aggott, Dicko. Scrotum retired not long ago, but we still have a Rubber Chicken.

One of my old teammates was called Raging Bull. He would run with the ball, all muscles and arms, straight at a player, leaving stop marks down his chest.

I was called Zorba at one club I played at, then Turbo at another. Nothing I’d earned, just plays on names. I went with the Turbo crew on a footy trip to Bendigo, lost them in the crowd, then heard a dozen blokes call “Zorba!” from a pub, and joined their’s instead.

I’ve only ever given two nicknames that stuck. One was best left un-said.

The other was when I was coaching Under 17s. Grand Final, scores level, raining, muddy, last quarter, kicking into the face of a five goal wind. The ball would come into their forward line, waterlogged, slippery, skipping, skidding, bowling over kids and young men. Our full-back would plant both feet, GRAB it, crunch away all tackles with a mean, swatting fist, then kick it long, to where our better players would run around and push it forward again. We won by a goal.

In the euphoria on the oval straight after the siren, I waited until all the hugging was done, and all the parents and supporters had gathered and said:

“In a minute they’re gunna put up the presentation platform and give all the awards to the guns, the ruckmen and on ballers, and put their names and photos in the papers, but, here and now, in the moment, when the memories fresh, I want you all to know, that for everyone who wins a game, there’s someone who saves it. We would not have won today without our Rock!”

Then pulled the full-back into the middle of the best, crookedest, cheering, smiling circle in his life. Twelve years on, people still call him that.

He works in the mines in WA these days, but, like me, comes back to roost a lot. Most times I’ll bump into him up on the ridge, dodging drizzle in the Beech Forest Pub, population 4 at best.

“G’day Rock,” I say.

And he smiles, like we know something, and we have a drink like great mates.

Give an AFL player a nickname. Swan, Lake, Ling, Minson, ‘Big’ for Cox. “Big wins another hit-out…” “Poke” for Scarlett, “Strop Reilwault” for Jack. Let’s hear them. The Game is craving it! Put back some of the colour the commentators have left out.

Comments

  1. Mulcaster says

    When ever I look at Gary Ablett Jnr with his total lack of head hair I always think of chemotherapy would that be too offensive?

  2. Adam Muyt says

    Matt, with the colour of nicknames away from the big league of the AFL, you’ve reasssured me. We need more Chickens playing in the AFL.

  3. Danielle says

    i call bryce gibbs duckie

  4. Matt Zurbo says

    Mul, don’t mean to pick on the kid/champ, but I think of a Thnderbird.

    Good one, Danielle. Why’s that?

  5. Matt Zurbo says

    Imagine it, Adam: “Goodard to Rubber Chicken, who kicks from fifty… GOAL…!”

  6. Danielle says

    well, during his early days at Carlton, his hair was EXTRA fluffy looking texture wise, like well, a duckie.

  7. Matt Zurbo says

    Haha! You must have loved Kernahan and his mulet!

  8. Danielle says

    lol mullets are cool :P
    be funny as to hear Dennis yell “Duckkkkkkkkiiieeeeeeeee!!!!” when Bryce does something awesome. lol

  9. Mulcaster says

    The baddies on the Thunderbirds while bald always had eyebrows.
    This guy looks like Voldermort with a snoz.

  10. Its not a footy name but I’ve always loved “Afghanistan” for Mark Waugh.

    When I was playing old blokes footy there were four “Maccas” at the club.

    Who was “Whispering Death”? Magnificent name.

  11. Mulcaster says

    there was a chap at my college who was called alternatively gasser and zyklon b because of his horrendous wind.

  12. Matt Zurbo says

    Whispering Death? What a corker. No idea who.

    Yeah, the Maccas. EVERY club I have played at has had a Chook or Robbo, or both.

    I once played in a team that had five Matts in it. We were well up in the last, and I somehow convinced the coach to put us all in the backline for the last ten min.
    “Matt’s ball!”
    “Leave it for Matty.”
    “Quick, handball to Matt.”
    “Good block, Matt.”
    “Matt, back up Matt.”
    “It was Matt’s man, not mine.”
    “Over to Matt.”
    “Oh, well done, Matty. You’ll get votes!”

  13. Alovesupreme says

    Whispering Death was Michael Holding – allegedly coined by umpire Dickie Bird, because of his silent run to the wicket from behind Dickie’s back.

    Greg Champion’s parody (The Under Nineteens)* of John Schumann’s “I was only nineteen” includes the following verse:

    Jonno kicked to Robbo,
    and onto Thommo,
    and Thommo dodged a few,
    before he stuck it on Kev’s chest.
    Kevin passed to Macca,
    and onto Bluey,
    and then to Davo,
    before you knew it, the Slug had done? the rest.

    I also recall an article by , I think, Garry Linnell, which involved a light-hearted version of the needs of a new Club, when the expansion beyond Port Adelaide was just a twinkle in Wayne Jackson’s eye. This was about the recruitment needs of players for the new club …. and then proceeded to list a number of nicknames, saying that every team needs a ……

    *which certainly dates it!

  14. Alovesupreme says

    Whispering Death was Michael Holding – allegedly coined by umpire Dickie Bird, because of his silent run to the wicket from behind Dickie’s back.

    Greg Champion’s parody (The Under Nineteens)* of John Schumann’s “I was only nineteen” includes the following verse:

    Jonno kicked to Robbo,
    and onto Thommo,
    and Thommo dodged a few,
    before he stuck it on Kev’s chest.
    Kevin passed to Macca,
    and onto Bluey,
    and then to Davo,
    before you knew it, the Slug had done? the rest.

    I also recall an article by , I think, Garry Linnell, which involved a light-hearted version of the needs of a new Club, when the expansion beyond Port Adelaide was just a twinkle in Wayne Jackson’s eye. This was about the recruitment needs of players for the new club …. and then proceeded to list a number of nicknames, saying that every team needs a ……

    *which certainly dates it!

  15. Matt Zurbo says

    Hey, Supreme, don’t sweat it, you’re getting my hits up!

    Swan: The Ink.
    Dawes: Monster. “Monster monsters the ball…”
    Jolly: Oh Golly.
    Pendleberry: Norm.
    Didak: The Torso, or Shooter.
    Etc…

  16. Pamela Sherpa says

    Beautiful Matt- you’ve nailed what has happened to footy – the character has gone out of it .I will always remeWber my Essendon boys of the eighties by their nicknames -Swervin (Merv Neagle ) Rotten (Ronny Andrews) Silly (Billy Duckworth) The Budge (Tony Buhagiar) and Vanda – , T,D and Timmy of course. whenever I see Jobe doing something dynamic i just scream out ‘TIMMY’

    Am in the process of writing a local footy story about my relatives and one of the things is that no-one knows them by their real names – only their nicknames.

  17. Mulcaster says

    Evidence of some nicknames in use at Collingwood

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GBrx56FK0V8&feature=topvideos_sports

  18. Tony Robb says

    Matt I remeber meeting few blokes from dads playing and coaching day, “colourful” ruckmen by the names of Basher Williams and Knuckles Pasloe.

    When I was playing in Canberra against the Duntroon army cadets it was either Sarg or Bluey. Must be confusing at times of conflict.

  19. Luke Delaney (North Melbourne rookie) lost his car keys on his first day of training. Nearly 3 years on and he’s still called Car Keys at the club.

    His brother was recruited at the end of last year. He’s known as Little Keys.

    A couple of weeks ago Luke debuted for the club. I had great joy yelling out “Big Keys” from the outer whenever he did something. No-one had a clue what I was talking about.

    I’m hoping they both become regulars.

  20. Matt Zurbo says

    Pamela, the Dlying Dutchman is as good a nickname as it gets! His marking/ego contest with Knights at Princes Park was the stuff of legends.

    Thanks Mul

    Tony, one of the best nicknames I ever heard was from a footballer from the 40s called Spit McCormack.
    There was also a Goog (as in googy egg)
    And I played alongside brothers Mud and Pull-Through Laurie. Mud was one of the thoughest blokes I’ve met.
    It would be great to run through a team of the 40s and see their nicknames. There was a flair for them back then.

    Good work, Shinboner. No-one else has to get it at all.

    In bush footy we know a lot of our opponents. You can call a nickname that will make a player steam, and get stuck into him when he reacts.

  21. Richard Naco says

    All the Cats put on track suit tops with their nicknames on the back (Harry Taylor’s is ‘Drill Bit’ – as if!).

    The fact that the media no longer applies these apellations is no indication that the culture has changed as much as that the media has become so obsessed with stats that the cultural quirks have been lost in the backwash.

  22. There was a video getting around of Max Rooke pretending to be a vet and tending to Brad Ottens’ goat. It was a strange video, with absolutely no wider context or narrative. I found it genuinely funny.

    Here is it
    http://bigpondvideo.com/AFL/192886/dr-hackett-to-the-rescue/

    In the aftermath of the 2009 Grand Final I saw Maxy at Lamby’s one night and said
    “G’Day Dr Hackett. How are the goats?!”
    He laughed and laughed, and we had a brief chat. If I hadn’t known that strange nickname he’d have never given me a second look.

    Rev: Love the one about Keys & Little Keys. I’m guessing Andrew Swallow is nicknamed after that famously mustached American swimmer who won all those gold’s at Munich.

    You’re right about the lack of nicknames. If i were a commentator I’d start with Paddy Ryder. Irish liquor served to rockstars?

    Paul Chapman – “Tracy”
    Jimmy Bartel – “Laurel” (“hasn’t improved since winning the Brownlow” – Robert Walls)
    Scotty Pendlebury: “Dingles”
    Chris Dawes: “Plus”
    Graham Johncock: “Richard”

    And someone has to mention possibly the most iconic nickname of all: Pants

  23. I think the Falcons nicknames have been publicized, although The Geckos had a few good ones.

    Gun, as in Peter
    The Ging, red head
    Rocco,
    Shitheap/Disco, despite a campaign to use the latter, Dave has never been able to shake the former
    Stinkin, Lincoln
    Pearl Farmer, ummm a pearl farmer
    Pizza, ran a pizza shop
    Uzi, Hughes(y)
    Turkey/Gobbles, a distant relative of Herr Goebbels

    and my favourite; Chongy. His parents named him ‘Ben Graham’, (although he is the Perth version not the ex-Geelong fullback). The Indonesian word for transvestite is benchong.

    You forgot to mention Matt that there are two types of nicknames. The ones that stick because they are desired and those that the ‘nicknamee’ hates and therefore must be kept!

  24. johnharms says

    I love how at some footy clubs where the blue collar or the shearers singlet prevail any bloke who has opened a book in their life is called Professor. This could be the local Grade 6 teacher, or the entomologist from the DPI.

  25. we were at Angle Park Dogs back when…
    a self important bloke fronted the presentation with his permanent shadow – these were shifty times.
    He began his acceptance with…
    “It is with alacrity…”
    “That’s the little bastard’s name!”, someone extolled.
    “Alacrity” became his callsign.

  26. Every club has a “Doc” and there is always someone who holds the “Donkey” or “Horse” name with pride.

    When playing with my brother in the city, he was “Right” and I was “Left”, due to our preferred kicking foot.

    My first training session at my new club, I was asked what my nickname was.

    I replied “Kenners”.

    “Nah, you can be Shane-o”.

    Had no say in it, and 10 years later, it has still stuck.

    Also had an umpire (called “Ninja’ as in “Ginger Ninja”) who called me “Kanga”. Only person in the world who called me that. Ended up working with him years later and now it is another one that has stuck. I often think of the persistence he showed over the years, calling me a name no one else did, only to have it stick years later. I wonder if he appreciates the support he is getting, or resents the bandwagon jumpers.

  27. Dave Nadel says

    In Grade 4 in 1955 our teacher read the class Winnie the Pooh and two close mates (Les and Doug) acquired the nick names Tigger and Roo. Les had lost Tigger as a nickname even before Grade 5 but ten years later, playing footy in the Diamond Valley League, Doug was still known as Roo.

  28. Matt Zurbo says

    I think we should start a campaign to get Dennis Cometti (the best of them!) to say one of
    The Ink – Swan or Beams
    Very Goodes
    or
    Ginga Meggs – Jack R.

    And to admit that Rioli IS the cork in the ocean.

    Anyone back me up?

    Dave, at least they weren’t called Winnie and Poo.
    Crio, just the tam name – Angle Park Dogs was gold. People should have called you the ‘Strays’ or ‘Mongrels’ The Angle Park Mongrels. Hell yeah.
    The best team name I have ever…. No, save that for another piece.
    Shaken, the best way to avoid a nickname you hate, is, the seconf you hear it, the SECOND, ignore it. To do otherwise is to fight quicksand.

  29. johnharms says

    An old mate JP tells the story of the day his Physics teacher walked in and said, “MY name is Mr Simpfendorfer and from this day on yuo will no me as such.”

    He was Such for the rest of his teaching career.

  30. Dave Nadel says

    That’s a great story John

  31. Richard Naco says

    A maths teacher at my old school bore an amazing resemblance to Bobo the Clown, so Bobo he was.

    When his son came to the same school, Lobo was an automatic.

  32. Clearisghted says

    Daniel Chick was apparently given the nickname “Magnet” by his Hawthorn team mates, and while at Geelong, Ryan Gamble was known as “Vegas”.

  33. hey Matt, I played the first three games for Otway back in 2010 before moving up to Queensland. Somehow I remember that I had the nickname Shorbo because I had an ego like the previous years best and fairest player, (shaun i think), and mixed it with my name (corbo). I also remeber that we have Steve Roller, it that u/17s team. Cant remeber too much but missed out on a killer year. if im right the 1’s had bear and nope thats it.
    Cheers, Brendan Corbett

  34. Matt Zurbo says

    Brendan, do you mean 2010, or 2000?

  35. 2000 ust got my dates mixed up. Sorry bud

  36. Im pretty sure andrew Baum gave me the nickname to

  37. Matt Zurbo says

    Yeah, remember you and your brother well! You missed a flag! So it goes. Did you evewr get the signed photo from the Colac Herald we sent to the two of you? Wasn’t sure if I got the address wrong. Your brother’s name, was it Nath?

    Anyays, glad to know you’re still alive and well, mate.

  38. yep we did get the photo and I think mum has it now. Yep nath was the one. I can also let you know that I have now left during footy seasons of 3 clubs that have won flags. I am pretty sure that clubs should start to recruit me for the start then tell me to go away just to get one.
    Since then I have gone and visited Scotty Knight who is in Brisbane and am hoping to see tom sutherland in the next month or so.

  39. I’ve heard some corker nicknames over my years in Sydney footy, but the best is a bloke named Carl Ringhof, played for Parramatta and Campbelltown, carried the handle of ‘Worksis’.

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