Some people at my work came up with a clever nickname for me recently ‘Grassy’.
As in grassy knoll (Noel). There have been some good ones over the years.
Loved Afghanistan (the forgotten war) for Mark Waugh and Audi when he made 4 duckss in a row. What are some other good ones you have come across?

About Noel McPhee

Noel's background is in statistics including 13 years at the ABS. More recent employment has been at Deakin University and Services Australia. He has worked on every State and Commonwealth election this millennium plus a few Local Government Elections. His weekly article, 'The Stats Bench' appears weekly on the Eastern Football Netball League's website. Noel's legacy as a sportsman is that he tried hard; two cricket fielding trophies, a tennis premiership and boundary umpiring about 80 EFL senior games. He has completed over 35 parkruns in quite slow times in the last three years.


  1. Colin Ritchie says

    Charlie Payne who played with Essendon in the 60/70’s was called “Whatsa” as in; “what’s his number, what’s his name, number seven Charlie Payne”. We loved singing out that rhyme whenever Charlie got the ball!

  2. I played footy with a bloke called Ben for the Bali Geckos. The Indonesian word for transvestite is benchong (phonetic). Hence he became ‘Chong’. Mainly because he didn’t like it, it stuck.

  3. Basso Divor says

    I always enjoyed John Eales’ nickname – ‘Nobody’ … Nobody’s perfect!

  4. Michael Parker says

    One of my favorites was Geelongs Joel Corey being dubbed “Smithy” by his teammates because they thought he could do with a last name instead of two first ones

  5. Jamie Simmons says

    You know a nickname’s good when people remember the nickname but struggle with their real name (Sam Newman as an example). We had a Freiberg at our club many years back. He became affectionately known as “Combo”, given its proximity to Fries and a Burger.

  6. Basso Divor says

    Matthew Lloyd – The Velvet Sledgehammer, Mick Nolan – The Galloping Gasometer, Steve “Tugga” Waugh, Bruce Doull’s ‘The Flying Doormat’ was a good ‘un too!
    From a 2003 Peter FitzSimons’ SMH article:
    “Ex-league player Phil Sigsworth used to be called “What’s-a-packet-a” . . ., while Matt Hilder from the Cronulla Sharks is known as “Waltzing”. Over the ditch, a notable incumbent All Black is called “Beer Bottle” by his teammates because he is empty from the neck up. Steve Larkham, though, was apparently known as “The Pope” on the grounds “he wouldn’t pass the pill”. In the US, Atlanta Falcons player Andre Rison is called “Bad Moon”, as in Bad Moon Rison. Robert Allenby is apparently known as “The Beast” as caddies in the US find him quite hard to work with – he had a turnover of about 12 caddies during the past four years. But to my overall favourite: somewhere out there is a footballer who lost a few fingers in a work accident. His pals at his footy club nicknamed him “Clock” because he had a big hand and a little hand . . .! There was a particular cricketer called “Pothole”, see, because everyone tried to avoid him – while a similarly unpopular footballer was known as “Showbags”, as he was so full of crap. Up in Gosford, a soccer striker by the name of Mark Green is called “Jigsaw” because he went through a spell where “every time he got in the box he fell to pieces”. A Sydney jockey from the 1970s is still known as “Autumn Leaves” as he seemed to be always falling to the ground, and a rugby coach in Perth, who was perpetually stoned on dope, was known by his players as the “Silver Surfer . . .” because he was “always out there”. (Not a great coach, but apparently they had some amazing training sessions.) In Sydney, a rugby coach is known as “Sunset” because he always talked about “at the end of the day”.”

  7. Very amusing, not too many can claim they’re nickname via
    a pub/ nightclub. When travelling in Scotland a friend of mine
    named Peter visited a place called Sneaky Pete’s. 15 years later
    he is still known as Sneaky or simply Sneak!

  8. Crio and other Glenelg fans will long remember the appositely monickered “Grave Danger”. Dave Grainger was a handy footballer and full time thug for the Port Adelaide Magpies in the 70’s and 80’s. He saved his worst for the Bays.

  9. One of my favourites – Mark Greatbatch, a handy NZ cricketer, immediately became Scones.

  10. Brett Heady’s nickname was Jobby. We have a winner!

  11. “The Incredible Hulk” appeared to be perfect for Rene Kink back in the 70s until he was revealed to be a hairdresser!

Leave a Comment