NFL Week 1: The Jameson Williams Cup

 

Greetings Tipsters

Such a weekend! Aussie rules finals, gridiron first week, Moto GP, WSBK, some rugby league, and our top story is…

Tom Brady seriously needs some voice training. I only caught a bit of his work, can’t speak for much but that was a standout. The audio engineer could slap on some compression and a thick reverb, wind out that grating frequency, that’d help but it’s window dressing. His football career was a triumph of otherworldy concentration so he’ll probably get his commentary together sooner than later. For now, let us bask in the knowledge that Dreamy Tommy is not very good at something.

Detroit Lions beat the Rams in OT. We got an early lead, they got ahead, we nailed a last minute field goal, won the toss for OT and Goff handed it off to David Montgomery who, play by play, bowling-balled his was up the field for a touchdown. It was close but I was never really worried about losing. That’s a weird headspace for someone who chose the Lions for his NFL team in 2001.

Almost as weird, Goff ran for a first down. Williams had the game we’ve waited for and took the game ball to his press conference, said he was gonna sleep with it. He’s fast, Rams did a good job on D but couldn’t cover him and all the rest.

The first week or two is always messy, few starters play in pre-season games, Bengals, for example, don’t get out of bed until Week Three, so beating a conference contender is a good start.

Steelers won without scoring a touchdown. Boswell kicked six field goals, the D contained Falcons and wobbly ol’ Kirk Cousins, the O features two bargain basement QBs, Russ was a Superbowl Champion, Justin is a Bears reject.

Chicago is where QBs go to die but the Bears had #1 pick, thanks to Panthers. Caleb Williams is super cluey, his dad has been training him in all manner of football since he was 6, he nailed his college career and his first pro match was – underwhelming. Bears two touchdowns were scored by the Defence and Special teams. But a win is a win, especially for the Windy City.

Bears beat Titans, whose young QB is best known for adding mayonnaise to his coffee, Will released a limited edition cologne and the ad is hilarious, they got Williams ‘cos Panthers traded a first round pick so they could get skinny little Bryce Young. His first pass this season resulted in an interception. Carolina Panthers deserve a few paragraphs, let’s get back to that another week.

RFK Jnr, he of the dead bear in Central Park and whale head on top of his car, had considered Aaron Rodgers, afficonado of darkness retreats and psychedelic cactii, for VP. Aaron chose to play with the Jets, a team that hasn’t done anything since 1968, in New York, he is worth as many column inches as Joe Namath was. The green helmets look good but the 49ers handled them with brutal efficiency.

Miami sunshine, Tyreek Hill was driving to the stadium in his McLaren Hypercar, nearly there and the cops pulled him over for speeding.

‘Yeah, we got it, six over” sayeth motorcycle cop as he gets off his, ahem, Harley Davidson cruiser. Nice green and white paint on the tank, but I couldn’t help but think of a NSW cop riding a Yamaha XJR1300, a bike like that’s gonna give you confidence.

Famous footballer with an ego the size of Oklahoma handed over his papers, then rolled the window back up – then down a crack. Then it escalated, weird and quick, a cop lost his cool over the window , opened the door, dragged Tyreek out by the head, threw him face down and cuffed him.

Total Cop Paranoia. They wouldn’t have chased a Toyota Camry. Two other cars pull up, teammate Calais Campell walks over, hands up, asking what’s happening. He gets handcuffed too. Tyreek yelled at his fone, “Drew, they’re cuffing me” – Drew, his agent, and Drew, team Head of Security, were there damn quick. So were a total of eight cops. Twenty five minutes later, Tyreek gets a ticket for speeding and not wearing a seatbelt.

A few hours later he scored a touchdown and mimed being cuffed by teammate Jaylen Waddle. Gotta laugh, eh? Post match presser, he asked “What if I wasn’t Tyreek Hill?”

Superbowl is in New Orleans this season, this week’s tip is Detroit Lions v Kansas City Chiefs.

Cheers Tipsters

P&C, TGK Productions, a division of Trans Dementia Inc
Brought to with the assistance or ‘Ride The Wild Surf’, Jan And Dean, 1964.

 

More from Earl O’Neill can be read Here.

 

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