MythBusters: Cricket Edition

“Would Warnies ball of the century have got through Mike Gatting had it actually been a bread roll? Are you more likely to represent Australia if you play for New South Wales? Is cricket really dying in the Windies?

 

“Well folks, this week on MythBusters cricket edition, we’re about to find out.

 

“Mike, you’ve taken middle and leg. All set to face Warnie?

 

[Gatting nods.]

 

“Right, Warnie: you’ve been practising with that dinner roll for a bit now. Up to bowling it?”

 

“Yeah mate. And to up the ante, I’ve bunged cucumber and spam in it. That’s a fave of Gatt’s, so it’ll add a degree of difficulty.”

 

“Brilliant Shane: anything to shut the naysayers up is welcome. Getting just a dinner roll past him would’ve been something, but an actual sanga will make it unequivocal.

 

“Okay, so let’s just back off a little and give Shane room to make his approach. It’s been 24 years in the making this myth. Will Warnie prove Goochie’s theory wrong?

 

“AND HE DOES! That’s clean bowled him again! Mind you, Gatt’s flung the bat away as Warnie delivered and lunged at the roll with his hands, but boy did it rip and take middle. Oh, but wait? Mike’s holding a chunk of spam? What’s that? He’s claiming he robbed the roll of it as it passed. Crikey? We don’t have snicko or hotspot to verify it either way. We’ll just have to go on his word. But it’s fair to say that his defence was breached in some way. So Goochie, I think your myth’s been busted; on a technicality.

 

“Right next up is the cynical view that New South Welshmen are preferred by our national selectors.

 

“Okay, we’ve assembled our 3 Australian selectors for a series of questions. Are you ready gents?

 

[They nod convivially]

 

“David Hookes once said ‘When they give New South Welshmen their Blues caps, they also give em a brown bag with a baggy green.’ Is this actually the case?”

 

[Mark Waugh perks up.]

 

“Absolutely not. Sure Blues debutants get a paper bag, but it only contains memorabilia Tony Greig failed to hawk. I mean, pfff, what a load of codswallop. Everyone knows they only get a bag containing a baggy green once their Shield average tops 30.”

 

[Host flinches his lids.]

 

 “Okey dokey. Next question; a Nic Maddinson hypothetical: born on the Gold Coast, grows up in Melbourne, moves to Tassie for opportunities, and ends up settling in Adelaide, where he’s now averaging 35. Do you still pick him?”

 

[Mark Waugh perks up again.]

 

“Do I pick him? I sure do. Because he’s averaging that while regularly playing my Blues!

 

“But it’s a ridiculous hypothetical. If Nic grew up in Victoria, his development would’ve been ruined. I dare say they’d have stuffed him so much, he wouldn’t have made it past their District thirds.”

 

[Host is shamelessly satisfied.]

 

“Well that settles that then: debuting New South Welshmen don’t get baggy greens in brown paper bags and Nick Maddinson still manages to catch the selectors eyes while playing elsewhere. Myth Busted!.

 

“And that now brings us to our last myth: is cricket dying in the Windies?

 

“Let’s cross by skype to some kids across the islands. First up is Floyd, speaking to us from a basketball court in Kingston. Floyd?”

 

“Cricket dyin? Dhat’s ridiculous. Weez still loves to slam dunk sixes in Jomacia.”

 

“Right, I guess that’s an empathic no!

 

“Next is Collis, speaking to us from a basketball court in Bridgetown. [Gazes at screen] Um, that’s an unusual batting technique you have?”

 

“Yeah, I take strike wid da badt in my righdt han, and dribble a basketball wid my leff.”

 

“Hm … and do you always bat like that?”

 

“We all badt ligh dat.”

 

[Host is unfazed] “Okay, sounds like they’re all still playing cricket in Barbados as well. Great!

 

“Righto, lastly we cross to Sheldon at a residential development in Port of Spain. [Gazes at screen]. What’s going on behind you Sheldon?”

 

“Yeah, dey be bulldozing a cricket groun to makes way for some houses.”

 

“Oh?”

 

“Yeah, and dey be puddin up some basketball courts, as well. Budt we be paintin some stumps on a brick wall, so’s we’ll be fast breakin games of cricket all the times.”

 

“That’s great. Cricket is alive and well in Trinidad too! Good to hear, Sheldon: good to hear.

 

“Well, I guess that myth is also well and truly busted. Kids all over the Caribbean still seem crazy about their cricket. Yep, they still don’t just like it over there, they love it! Almost as much as basketball.”

 

 

About Punxsutawney Pete

Punxsutawney Pete see's a shadow: twelve more months of winter

Comments

  1. Luke Reynolds says:

    I suspected Mark Waugh held too much power on the selection panel. Myth confirmed!

  2. Luke Reynolds says:

    By the sounds of that, the next great Windies team isn’t far away…

  3. Barry McAdam says:

    Gatting grabbing some spam as the roll went past, brilliant and bloody funny!!!!!
    I need more proof that you don’t get a baggy green with your baggy blue though.

  4. Punxsu.... Pete says:

    Ha, Luke!! Maddinson’s selection has Waugh’s dictatorial fingerprints all over it. But all kidding aside, let’s hope the Windies find a way back. Watched the first test at Sabina Park last night … wouldn’t have been 500 in the stands. But why would people go? All their best players are not focusing on test cricket anymore, so the team doesn’t represent the region at its strongest. The ICC has to find a way to get Russell, Gayle, Narine, Bravo etc focusing on Test cricket. Perhaps they should subsidize the pittance the WICB offers these players (well, a pittance in comparison to what they make playing T20.) On the good news front, however, I believe they won’t be fixturing test series while the IPL is on from next season. And I hear they’re also going to relax the criteria to be eligible for selection. Let’s hope that makes a diff. Cricket without the Windies is just unthinkable.

    Thanks Barry. And I agree, I’m not satisfied that the MythBuster team have dispelled Hooksy’s theory

  5. Luke Reynolds says:

    Watched a fair bit of the WI v Pak opening day too. Had a Shield game feel. Staggering that Darren Bravo can’t get a game in this team. No international cricket during the IPL sadly makes sense. But where does it stop? No internationals during the BBL, other T20 comps?
    Jason Holder batted well, very impressive individual. Didn’t think it at the time of his appointment, the right man to lead the Windies.

  6. Punxsu..and-the-rest-of-it Pete says:

    (edit to last comment)

    Hey Luke, Dwayne Bravo is suing the WICB for not being selected leading to this series. The whole system over there is in disarray. He’s contracted on US$75K in the IPL right now, and 7 rounds into the season, has yet to crack a game. Meanwhile, they’ve got 3 or 4 teenagers in the middle order in this test.

    The ICC pump around 50 to 100 million a year into developing the game for the associates, I hear. If they allocated say 3 to 5 million of that towards a subsidizing Windies contracts, you’d think that’d go a long way to keeping the strongest Windies team on the park. Sure it’s important to grow the game, but I’d rather see that money stem the hemorrhaging of Caribbean players to T20.

    Better crowd on the third day, but still looked like a shield game. Joseph looks like he might be the real deal … has Curtley’s menace about him.

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