My extra, personal and vindictive motivation for a Tigers win (warning: may contain nudity and adult themes)

If that ever happens/you do that/they win, I’ll bare my bum in Bourke Street!

At Finals time, whether you are a serious football journalist or an amateur writing for fun, you’re always looking for an angle for a story.

Something that goes away from the standard “he kicked a great goal at the 24 minute mark” and takes you into the game from an emotional, strategic, personal or quirky perspective.

I believe last year’s Grand Final presented a wonderful opportunity for great copy, in that there were just so many stories waiting to be written about the Swans if they won, and just as there were many non-Hawthorn fans who wanted the Swans to win, so did the newspapers. Be it Pike, Kennedy, McVeigh, Goodes, Mattner, Mumford, Jack etc, there seemed to be great stories on every Sydney line.

And so as Richmond awaits its first finals campaign for 12 years, we need to look at something more than just Chris Newman for an angle. There’ll be enough about finals rivalry, the irony of the perennial 9th place finisher playing a substitute side, and Malthouse returning to his playing roots.

No, my interest in the Tigers this weekend is beyond any of that and far more selfish and personal. Past my own divided family loyalty and upbringing, my desertion of the Navy Blues at age 6, and the mothballing of my original woollen CFC jumper.

Far more than years of disappointment and being let down. The horror of the Bartlett and Frawley years, the agony of unleash the Giesch. Beyond the Wallace Triangle where good players and promising trade and draft selections went to disappear.

This weekend is more than just a chance for the Tigers to make a mark, to roar as the AFL wants us to, to reward the long suffering fans and have “Yellow and Black” screamed out in front of 90,000 in September.

No, this is about one sentence, one line, than will come to fruition if we salute at the G come Sunday.

“If Tigers win first final I will walk down Bourke street naked singing Richmond theme song with a stethoscope around my neck”

My dear friend AJ, my close mate since school, godfather to my son, who stood alongside me at my wedding, made this big statement about 4 weeks ago, not long after trying to convince us all with four rounds to play that the Tigers would actually drop out of the 8 altogether.

Unlike many boasts made in jest, or with the assistance of the amber truth serum, this was made in print, in an e-mail to a group of about 10 of us, and has since been enhanced this morning to now read verbatim:

“If Tigers win first final I will walk down Bourke street naked singing Richmond theme song with a stethoscope around my neck, doing the tango with Mr. Young who is the chief parking inspector of Melbourne city”*

AJ, as an educated man, Dees fan, cardiologist and student of the game, should know better, and like the popular “I’ll bare my bum in Bourke Street”, I cannot wait to see this occur.

So this Sunday, it’s not about the revival of the Tiger army for me. Not about the sleeping giant re-awakening. Not about Gale’s 5 year plan bearing fruit.

It isn’t about the draft picks in Deledio, Cotchin and Martin. Not about the cult figures like King and Maric. Not about the clever recruiting decisions of Houli, Grigg and Morris. Not the ‘where will this one go?’ moments of Riewoldt and Vickery kicking for goal.

It’s much simpler than that.

This is just about a bloke, waiting for another bloke, to make a goose of himself.

If there’s any justice at all, and we all like happy endings and great stories in football, fate dictates that the Tigers get up so I can indulge in that great Australian pastime of seeing someone you really care about make a complete public galah of himself.

If it comes to pass, I’ll alert media outlets, let him wear his Dees scarf for modesty and walk behind him helping out with the words.

Tigers, if we haven’t enough motivation already, what with 12 years of missing out, we must win for the Bourke Street Dees fan doctor singing nudey run.

Dimma, get this plastered all over the walls for the planning meetings, Cheer Squad put it on the banner, players write in on your wrists before you go out to play.

I want to see us win on Sunday for lots of reasons. But surely, this would be the sweetest victory of all.

Go Tigers!

PLEASE!

*Mr. Young it appears is in regular and reluctant correspondence with AJ, in the matter of numerous disputed parking fines.

About Sean Curtain

"He was born with a gift of laughter, and a sense that the world was mad". First line of 'Scaramouche' by Sabatini, always liked that.

Comments

  1. Malcolm Ashwood says:

    V funny Sean and not what I was expecting I thought here goes another Richmond lunatic article but no got some great humor instead

  2. Thanks Malcolm

    Plenty of lunatic Richmond articles going around though if you are looking for one

    I think the problem is that unlike our more wordly and experienced Pies, Hawks, Swans and Cats colleagues, we don’t really know what to do in September, so we are a bit like sheltered private school kids hitting O week at Uni and being just a little bit silly

    Sean

  3. Knowing said cardiologist from my Uni/med school days, I suspect he’d actually enjoy the experience!

  4. Peter Fuller says:

    Sean,
    While I’m hoping that the Blues will rain on your prospective parade, you do offer a riveting prospect. However, I wonder if you have thought the whole episode through. Surely you need to specify some aspects of the dare such as:
    1. How far down Bourke Street – merely cross Spring at the Windsor, one block, Spring-Swanston, to Spencer, the RACV club for a restoration of decency?
    2. Footpath or tram tracks?
    3. Time of day, at least specifying daylight or after dark?

    Best of luck in the battle between your former team and your current team, may the better team on the day win.

  5. Peter

    I am no sadist so I was thinking just the Mall part, Sawnston to Elizabeth, maybe starting at Russell if I am feeling a bit harsh, so that early downhill bit creates momentum and interest by the Mall section.

    Tram tracks I insist.

    Maybe lunch time in the school holidays or the day they launch Myer’s Christmas windows.

    If that fails or the decency police have an issue, I see it as a great addition to Grand Final week, fitting in nicely between the Brownlow and the Parade

    Belly, think you are right, he hasn’t changed and whilst most of us would dread carrying this bet through, I think he’ll want to see Jack kick a few and the Tigers get up in a thriller.

    Sean

  6. Sean,

    Filthy about the Tigers loss. As a small upside, though. Tom Waterhouse had to pay out on both results today: Richmond were up by more than 20 at one point. Hope the parasite had to pay out a squillion.

  7. T Bone

    At half time, we were contemplating rining my doctor mate to see if he was buffing up for his Bourke Street walk. Alas, not to be.

    He has already touted that the Dees will smash the Tigers next year, and if not, same offer to walk naked etc.

    It is what it is, as many wise philosopher footy heads have said.

    But thanks, the ubiquitious Tom having to pay out everyone makes the day seem better, just a bit

    Sean

  8. Malcolm Ashwood says:

    Sean ( and others ) what are your thoughts on the , Jake king saga besides being breath taking arrogant and stupid bk king to me I has been very wishy washy by the
    Richmond so called leadership group .
    Before this happened to Richmonds credit they have admitted they need to improve in this area which was why before the draft the tigers and saints in particular were doing a enormous amount of research in to each potential draftee to try and boost this area
    Richmond to a outsider are taking 1 step forward two back at the moment and in your 1st comment how you stated v accurately how they didn’t no how to handle it that is how it reads at the moment . Would appreciate your thoughts as a non lunatic , Richmond person thanks !

  9. Malcolm

    Torn on this one. I wrote a piece after the final about Dustin Martin’s handcuff gesture and alluded to the fact that footy brings people from all walks of life onto a team, and you can’t expect them all to be angels just becuuse they can kick a ball well.

    I think Richmond had handled it well. They have said your life is your life, whilst here at the club and playing we expect your commitment, but we can’t manage or rule your life outside, to a degree.

    I think if we start to make rules about associoations we get into dangerous territory. I get completely what the league and others are saying about bad influences, about shady people hanging around players leading to betting, bribes, blackmail not to mention it simply being a bad look.

    And this is no defence of bikies.

    But, taken to its natural extension, does that mean Goddard can’t see his (step/half?) brother, Collingwood players can’t see Marley Williams, Ablett jnr can’t see his dad, Carey can’t commentate, not to mention anyone else who has the misfortune to have an association with a person who has a criminal past?

    Many players have stated that had they not been lucky enough to be a good footballer, they would have ended up like their mates, in jail or in trouble. Some stray close to the edge whilst playing anyway.

    (If we said you can’t associate with anyone shady, horse racing would die tomorrow.)

    No, I actually think Richmond have plyed it wise and despite the fact I don’t like the Bandido in question, King values him as a friend and we have to let him make his own decisions

    Sean

  10. Malcolm Ashwood says:

    Sean your reply is well balanced and well reasoned and the cold fact is ,
    Is it in , Jake Kings best interest to be associating with him bear in mind there has been a attempt made on this mans life a measured answer is no . I would have thought also after the , Es fiasco it is in ,Richmonds best interest in obeying , Andy Ds wishes for a myriad of reasons as well . To a outsider it smacks of , Jake King not buying in to Richmonds best interests and a leadership group who lacks ooph . Daniel Jackson when being interviewed about it was wishy washy and sounded pathetic . Richmond may have tried to take action and , King refused which legally he can but from the outside it seems a club whose standards and acceptance have been poor for a long time have a considerable distance to improve yet

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