Memo: Steven Hocking … A Directive to the Men’s Game

I am hoping that a directive from Steven Hocking to the 18 AFL clubs will read something like this before this 2018 season:


Dear Coaches,


  1. We need to return to the glorious days of the 70’s and 80’s when Barassi began the exciting handball/run on game and Hafey demanded the long kicking to position
  2. We want to avoid the aerobic game of today when Sheedy and Malthouse successfully whinged for an expanded interchange bench under the guise of covering injured players.
  3. Avoid the chip-chip, keepings off game employed by Chris Connelly and kick the ball towards your goal.


It’s all pretty simple:


  1. Play set forwards which will also mean you have to play set backline players. Do we have to legitimise this with a rule that says, “2 forward and defensive players to remain in the 50m arc at all times”??
  2. Balance out your running players so that they can run out the full distance of a game and a season. Either that or we will legislate to reduce the interchange to 20 a game.
  3. Kick the ball forward or sideways at all times. Would hate to have to blow the whistle and give a free kick for kicking backwards.


We have set the standard during the AFLW season and Gil has employed me to ensure the ratings are maintained, the attendances keep going up and the next TV contract exceeds two billion.


Your current coaching methods and those of your predecessors over the last 20 years have been a blight on our great game. We sit here at AFL house and lament on how many Tony Lockett’s your current game plans have been denied from winning a Coleman or Brownlow medal.


The women have been told to smarten up, it’s your turn boys.


Steven Hocking

AFL Director of Not Getting Caught Out for Displaying Double Standards.




  1. Yvette Wroby says

    Love it. Keep up the great writing.

  2. Long bombs, runs down the wing, big pack marks, strong tackles, in 2018 those things are but a dream.


  3. John Butler says

    Funny how things end up.

    My limited memories of Steve Hocking, footballer, would have to filed under “dour defender”.

    Now has a PHD in aesthetics, apparently.

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