John Kingsmill’s Footy Diary

A teasing time

Life conspires to interrupt football. Thank Christ!
We’d all go mad if it didn’t. This weekend, we had
a house-guest from Perth, sneaking over to Adelaide

during their June long weekend, their Foundation Day,
renamed earlier this year by the Barnett Liberal Government
as Western Australian Day. That’s Inclusive-Speak for anyone

who wants to know. WA Labor gave that change its blessing.
Our house-guest was a Docker fan. My partner is a Port nut –
we have a mixed marriage, as they say in the outer colonies.

She organized a late lunch around 4pm on Saturday
at a friend’s house, not far from AAMI Stadium.
Got the drift, yet? Adelaide and the Dockers kicked off

at 4.10pm in Perth. Port and Carlton kicked off at 7.10pm.
Those friends, our hosts, loathed footy. That meant
my partner could contain both of us in a Dockers/Crows-free

zone until her Port 7.10pm kick-off at AAMI. And enjoy
her lovely win against a hapless, Kreuzer-less, dispirited
bubble-burst Carlton on a slow, windless, slippery

drizzled AAMI turf without having been pre-empted
by a Crows or Dockers win. My partner doesn’t hate me
but she hates my club. Both of our SA teams won

over the weekend, but she won the household politics.
I didn’t see any of the sixty disposals Rory Sloane and
Patrick Dangerfield shared between them. Port nuts

loathe the absence of the light; they hate living in the shadow
or, rather, the warm glow of the fruit tingles; they hate being
less important than the shiny side of a cow. Friday’s Adelaide

Advertiser had six pages of the Crows and nothing about
the Power and Port fans were savage about their
lack of coverage. Chief Footy Writer, Rucci, is a Port man;

he’s complained before that his club has often screwed him
during the week refusing to set up interviews for the Friday edition,
and then moaning when nothing appears in his yellow pages.

Oh, who cares! Only old gloomies read the papers, anyway.
This weekend, my beloved extracted her revenge
for Adelaide’s final statement about their rugged month

of May. Adelaide could have lost the lot but, instead,
won three of four. This away trip to Perth could easily
have been an exhausted loss. But, no! The Crows

held firm and now face a bye and then four games
against the softer part of the draw. They could be top
by the end of this month and then things will tighten up.

I hope they do. You never win the cup in winter.


  1. John Harms says

    There is always something original:

    Only old gloomies read the paper!

    and Fruit Tingles.

  2. John Kingsmill says


    I thought Old Gloomies might be new but I was wrong. The Urban Dictionary has been there before:

    1. Teenage Gloomies
    When a teenager is feeling gloomy for one reason or another. Can deal with love, homework, or other typical teenage problems, like mood swings in general. Will usually pass in a couple days or less. Sometimes lasts longer, the bigger the issue.

    Does not have to do with life-changing problems, like parents divorce, death of family members, etc.

    Person 1: I was rejected, and now I am feeling sad. Am I getting depressed, like, seriously?

    Person 2: No, you probably just have a case of Teenage Gloomies.

    AS FOR THE FRUIT TINGLES, I didn’t invent that. That’s been a common term of contempt for Adelaide on the Port forum at BigFooty for a long long time.

    I like it. Fruit Tingles have colour and zing. And sweetness.

    It sure beats The Dark Side.

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