It’s Time

The powerbroker stirred his morning coffee as he opened the papers.  “One good thing is we can’t get any lower,” he thought.

One glance at the headlines and the cat was ducking for cover as the tabloid flew across the room.  “Look at what the dopey bastards have done now.  Another bloody disaster.  We couldn’t beat an egg.”

“We’re supposed to be at the opposition’s throats.  Not our bloody own.  When we do try a bit of reverse swing, we can’t connect with anyone.  This lot are hopeless.”

“And all of our spin gets clobbered back over our heads.  Straight breaks that any fool could see coming.”

“And this bloody opposition are no easybeats.  They may be a pack of pricks, but we taught them a thing or two about sledging and ruthless tactics.  We can’t handle that stuff when it gets dished up against us.”

“What to bloody do about it though, at this late stage?  I suppose there’s that chubby moon-faced prick up in Queensland.  We told everybody a couple of years ago that he was loony tunes, but the punters still can’t get enough of him.  He talks in bloody riddles that don’t make much sense, but I guess that’s what people want in a leader.  And he’s got that dopey charm that makes him popular.  The rest of them are so ‘on the nose’ they’d get a knock-back at a brothel.”

“Dunno if it will make any difference in the end though.  It’s the system that’s stuffed not the leader.  The stupid prick tries their heart out.  But we don’t stand for anything any more.  I remember in the 70’s when blokes in singlets in front bars cheered when we came on the telly.”

“We didn’t always win, but we were always batting for them.  We played the game for the long haul back then, and it did make a difference in people’s lives.”

“Now every bastard’s in it for himself.  It’s not about the result for the punters, it’s whether you can cosy up to some grubby fat cats and land yourself a soft contract doing bugger all.  Makes me ashamed to still be a team selector.”

“Still you can’t sack the lot of them.  The punters will do that soon enough, looking at the way results have been going lately.  I doubt that any of them will still be getting a game in a year’s time.”

“Honestly, I don’t think it will make any difference.  We should have woken up to ourselves years ago, but it’s too late for that now.  When you’ve only got one lever left to pull, I guess you have to give it a go.  A drowning man will clutch at anything, and we’re about to go under for the third time.”

“Chloe, give your mum a ring and see if she’s going to be home tomorrow night.  Tell her to put another lamb leg in the roast.  I think she’ll be having visitors.”


  1. Familiar tale it may be, but also timeless.
    Pat Howard and one of the assistant coaches did their Captain Oates this morning and wandered out into the snow.
    “I am just going outside and may be some time.”
    Get on Boof Rudd for interim PM by the end of the week. “As sure as night follows day” – to quote the Gucci Kid.
    The point of my piece was not to take political sides, but to (clumsily but presciently) argue that the ALP melodrama would unfold exactly as the Cricket Australia shambles had.
    Boof and Rudd are not messiahs – just naughty boys. You can’t undo years of benign neglect and short sighted management in a few weeks/month.
    Poor preparation makes for piss poor performance.
    As the ALP and our Ashes side will shortly discover.

  2. ALP Origin II. State versus State. Mate versus Mate.
    “Queenslander.” The battle cry for the biff.

  3. Mark Doyle says

    I agree with the sentiments of this article and am wondering if Peter_B is an old Whitlamite who was at one of many ‘Don’s Party’s’ around the country on election night in 1969 and sang the ‘It’s Time’ song on the 2 December 1972.
    The current Australian political system is a joke and is the result of a contemporary culture of apathy and complacency. The reason for this culture is that 90% of Australian society is affluent in a material sense and they are also intellectual morons and cultural philistines.

  4. I predicted this!!!
    Boof Rudd triumphs – and then cops a couple of innings defeats.
    (Crikey Mark I’m not that old. But I grew up under Whitlam and Don Dunstan. Wrote speeches for a Hawke Minister. And Keating is my Australian political hero.)
    Was it Manning Clark that wrote about straighteners and maddies? PK was the biggest and best maddie of the lot.

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