Heremas is Greek, balding, my age, and the best rugby player I know from Mooroolbark.
That other game dominated us, the grounds, the kids, Saturdays, but a hardy group, mine, played footy on a used to be oval at Darebin.
We trained twice, and played on Sunday. Away games cost $8 for the bus and entry and return and you caught it at 8.30am and returned at 6. Sometimes you played two games, no league/1st, but other grades decided by a committee somewhere and that decision on data from the previous seasons, score based, not, and never good.
Our oval had a large net at one end meant to catch the errant footballs kicked there, out of bounds, over the fence, hooligan balls were all called ‘sputniks’ and sometimes the committee, with murder in mind, had to leave the ground and door knock to get the balls back.
Mostly it was conversions, quite a few, that ball churned end over end over the net fence but in the grist of the game, an offensive punt might also exceed its intention and sail over and away also. This was off pissing to the committee no end, “deletive expleted hell” was uttered with rancour as I said, and then two selected for the task, wearing committee clothes, went to find and get the footies. We had others, the game continued with the ball supply and the devious amongst us might attempt another out of bounds over the fence while the retrivers were over the fence from a previous roost. You get the picture. It wasn’t all the time, probably hardly at all over the course of the season but it did happen, on purpose. I never engaged in such foolhardiness, my task was to make those 9 yards or so up field, then give it off to someone, anyone, please, follow the ruck up field, and do that again. Be the ‘go to’ guy. Probably every scored point, tries, had us, Heremas or me, in the play, if you wound back a couple of touches that is.
The committee decreed that any football kicked out of bounds, and deemed deliberate by us, not a score addition or anything, would be charged against the player, if they couldn’t retrieve it, if this action, the booting off, occurred, then you had to replace it.
Heremas played front row, with me as the other prop.
Forwards don’t kick, shouldn’t, although can’t kick is appropriate. He kicked it this day, high and handsome, over and out and a replacement ball was used up until half time.
The kicker wore a helmet, we both did, and two others, and it was this identifier that my accuser determined I was a ‘smart arse’ and ‘young fella’.
The person talking was the President, and he spoke with venom and some spittle at me as I ate an orange, and panted.
A helmet wearing ‘jerk’ had deliberately kicked the ball out of bounds, against committee rules and, by god, you’ll pay for that, understand. I didn’t, and said so and nodded at whatever else he shouted until the coach said to give it a miss. We resumed playing and won.
Strange that I was the only player wearing a helmet after that.
They are quick thinkers, them blokes. Heremas did have a helmet on at the start, and was helmeted at the time of kicking his ‘sputnik’. Later he would tell me his helmet was in his kit bag, side pocket, and that laugh, with a mouthguard showing, is a memory still.
He played the last few minutes until the break and my berating with the helmet in his armpit under the geurnsey, quick and clever. I laughed at that, we all did. Yanco, the winger, told the coach and me that he had his helmet in his shorts, at the back, then showed how it was done. Rica, a Dominican priest (curate?) said “I done nuttin’ ” with the helmet under his foot when he did. Quick and clever, Rica was a breakaway, and not at all churchlifelike!
After the game the coach told me, I’ll get three balls okay, we are down a few now, jerk! I’ll book up two tyres for my Morris 1100 too. Make sure you pay the invoice the Club gives you, rightio?
I didn’t, I didn’t have to, they all chipped in and paid for replacements, it’s a team thing.
I paid for the keg at the end of the year. We came 5th overall.
The President was gone next year and, too, the Coach, an ex-Wallaby, who had coached me twice before in my younger days.
The new coach insisted we play with our socks pulled up. Didn’t help too much.
Heremas went out with a girl for a while but then was single, and sullen, and gave playing away until later in the year when me and ‘Nuddy’ the captain, asked him to join in again. He did too for a few weeks then left. I heard he went to Queensland, then it was said he was seen there, in Moffat Beach, wow, and he was with a girl, and she was nursing, holding a baby. Those adults were seen smiling, laughing maybe.
I hope that is how it is.
To read more by Pestwac click here.
To return to our Footy Almanac home page click HERE.
Our writers are independent contributors. The opinions expressed in their articles are their own. They are not the views, nor do they reflect the views, of Malarkey Publications.
Do you enjoy the Almanac concept?
And want to ensure it continues in its current form, and better? To help things keep ticking over please consider making your own contribution.
Become an Almanac (annual) member – click HERE.
Leave a Comment