Grand Final – West Coast v Hawthorn: Grand Excuses


With the insufferable Hawthorn fans in full flight, here’s a little help dealing with them. My thoughts go out to the 72 West Coast fans (my brother amongst them) who hired a jet from Perth at $1500 a head, which was cheaper than Qantas’ $1500 one way fares only to watch one way football. So to help dealing with your Hawk mates who wouldn’t return a text in 2012, but won’t shut up now, here are some conversation suggestions (Feel free to add your own):

It was a cracker of a Grand Final. One of the best I’ve ever seen and I think the Cowboys deserved the win.

The dog ate my Footy Record.

Actually, I was watching Gone With The Wind. Wasn’t it amazing when Scarlet made a dress out of her curtains?

Sorry, when Hodge snapped from the pocket so did I.

I would have watched it, but I had a bone in my leg. (Thanks Mum RIP)

I missed the wonderful sight of Lewis carrying his week old baby onto the footy ground, because of the vomit covering the television screen.

My view of the match was obscured when I was inserting hot knitting needles into my eyes.

No it isn’t one of the greatest teams of all time because it’s Hawthorn.

Sorry, I thought the Three Petes was a cabaret act and avoided it.

Couldn’t watch, I’m allergic to hubris.

I’m sorry I didn’t ring to congratulate you on Hawthorn’s win, but I forgot what number you were wearing.

Yes, I love Cyril, especially when Graham Kennedy did the funny voice.

I was looking for an afternoon of arrogance, so I went for the lesser evil of a compilation of Kanye West’s acceptance speeches.

When I was told that a bunch of castaways finally get their rewards I mistakenly watched Return to Gilligan’s Island.

I was still sleeping off the hangover from the Footy Almanac lunch.


  1. Trucker Slim says

    Football was the winner!

  2. Peter Flynn says

    Haha Old Mate.

  3. Grant Fraser says

    To reprise a Hawthornesque response…boo.

  4. I can understand the flat response from the general populace. Australians love an underdog. West Coast and the Bulldogs were the good news stories to come out of the year.

    I think the only supporters barracking for us other than our own were Fremantle, and even then only through gritted teeth as the lesser of two evils.

    Geelong and Collingwood supporters in particular were heaping it on us in 2009, 2010, 2011 and eventually in 2012 after we lost the GF as favourites. Their most common lines were ‘over-rated’, ‘under achievers’ etc. We Hawthorn supporters banked those comments in our memories to be repaid with interest and that is why we are now perhaps insufferable although I haven’t heard much as most Hawthorn supporters don’t know any Eagles fans to share the experience with. We are probably just helping the Cats, Pies and Swans fans recall what they said a few years back.

    Premierships are there to be celebrated. You don’t win one and then hide in a cave. Celebrations in isolation shouldn’t be viewed as insufferable if you are purely happy that your team has won the flag, what else are you supposed to do? It’s called euphoria, particularly when you have managed the near impossible of a three-peat.

    Let’s go FOURthorn…sorry, couldn’t help myself.

  5. Matt Quartermaine says

    Ricky that’s not going on the list. You can do better. Lift your game.
    Flynny, happy to amuse at my expense.
    Grant, too many supporters response this season for my liking.
    Aussie80’s you could have helped yourself, but you didn’t.

  6. Dave Brown says

    How about “Hawthorn were good in their home leg. When’s the return leg?”

    That said, it’s nigh on impossible to celebrate a third consecutive premiership without seeming smug. Congrats to all Hawthorn supporters. Now, lets never speak of this season again.

  7. Hey Matt just go the simple option – blame the bloody umpires. The Eagles were robbed!!

  8. Trucker Slim says

    Hawkporn just got down and dirty!

  9. sean gorman says

    Where is the Baulderstone under a rock….? just sayin.

  10. Matt Quartermaine says

    Dave, consider it unspoken.
    Dips, if I use the umpire argument it means I’d have to discuss the game and that’s a no-go zone.
    Now you’re talking Ricky! I’ve got a pop up blocker to stop that getting through.

  11. Matt Quartermaine says

    Great man Gorman I believe that should be ‘sous un rocher’.

  12. At least Darling copped it on the chin (and at the same time ended any hope of an interesting Grand Final).

  13. It’s a paddy whack Nic Nat
    didn’t get a kick
    Eagles poor, Eagles bad, enough to make you sick

  14. Grant Fraser says

    Well if you don’t like it from Hawks supporters, what about those who support the hoops?

  15. In victory (someday, oneday) revenge; in defeat (considerable) malice.
    As a published Age journalist (not that they had the good grace to attribute my name – probably lucky – I am hoping people think Peter Bosustow wrote that crap) I have contractual obligations to other outlets, that pay more than the humiliation and abuse returned on this juvenile site.
    I will speak to my agent as to whether copyright permits me to share any of my pearls of wisdom with the Hawthorn scum (surely everyone else is now onto racing, rugby and cricket).
    As for myself I may be gone a little while (to reprise Captain Oates). The Croatian Athletics Union has made me an offer as the new holder of the Adriatic Ipad discus hurling record.

  16. TR:
    Nic napped
    Priddy whacked
    A bloody Hawker throne!
    This old man’s
    Ditched his IPhone

  17. Mr Fraser

    That comment should be its own article. Love it. I’ll say it again. Love it.


  18. Hi PB

    You’re taking this remarkably well, save for a lost ipad or two. I believe you have one more back down to account for. The genius label attached the premiership window.

    Other than that, us Hawkers will enjoy the small beer banter that is this article and others while smiling the smile of those who have climbed the mountain.

    Yours in good grace mixed with a fair dollop of arrogance

  19. Bonjour PB, or should that be bonsoir?
    “Small beer banter” Ricky, is something I’ve never seen you indulge in. Yardglass yarns would be closer to the truth.

  20. Phillip Dimitriadis says

    “Couldn’t watch, I’m allergic to hubris” Classic Matty Q. When did this brown and gold shower turn into a three year footy shitstorm?

  21. Grant Fraser says

    Citizen Kane
    Show me a serious Hawks supporter who has not thought about that issue recently and I will show you a Hawks supporter under 3

  22. Love it MQ.
    How about: Even though the Eagles were able to navigate to Jolimont Terrace, I wonder how Hawthorn would have gone against a side familiar with the MCG?
    (Rehashed from 2013 and 2014).

  23. We can only ask – if the Tigers had only got through week 1….

  24. People in the crowd around me were saying North Melbourne would’ve been better than the Eagles.
    I considered that and ruled it out.
    Hawthorn would’ve made us look just as silly.
    No point speculating about it.
    I used to hate Hawthorn.
    That was years ago. Now I admire them, like I did Brisbane when they won three in a row.
    But didn’t I love it when Brisbane lost their fourth.
    If Hawthorn make another grand final next year, geez I’d like them to lose…

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