Grand Final 2016 – Sydney v Western Bulldogs: We’ll All Be ‘Rooned



“We’ll all be ‘rooned” said Andrew Gigs,
In accent long bereaved,
Outside the Hall – through nervy cigs,
On this Grand Final Eve.

The congregation slouched and slumped,
Footy scarves and frothy beers,
And talked of forwards, frees and umps,
As they had done for years.

“It’s lookin’ crook” said Anson C,
My Cats have no ‘G spot,
Find a younger Jimmy B,
Or our future’s shot.

“It’s dry alright” said Luke and Regs,
No Cloke to take a mark,
The Pies are signing cast-off dregs,
Wish we had the Bulldogs’ bark.

Then spoke two old Fitzroy men – in purple and maroon,
“It shooda been – them not us”,
“Not that we like to moan,”
“Instead of bloody Brisbane – chuck Ross Oakley ‘neath the bus”.

The Murphy’s gathered extra help – first a prayer to Jesus,
Then Muhammad and a note – off to the Dalai Lama,
“Sorry now to bother you – if your Lordship pleases”,
All the bases covered? – best send one to Polly Farmer.

“No Hawks this year” cried Tony Tea,
Not been this way for years,
Assembled congregation – could scarce conceal their glee,
300 happy faces – smiled and raised their beers.

In God’s good time the ball was bounced,
And all the afternoon,
No man gave inch or ounce,
A hundred thousand voices – joined to bay the moon.

We gathered in our millions – each a Swan or Dog,
Held in thralled attention – by screen or crackling station,
Even Round the Boree Log,
One single footy nation.

And through the game,
No time to stop or think,
Advantage lost – advantage gained,
No players flinch or blink.

Jan Courtin screams blue murder,
“Umps in red and white and blue”,
Doesn’t seem they heard her,
“They know not what they do”.

All hung in the balance – until the final breath,
Them now us – a million pulses quicken,
Then cries rang out – just before the death,
It’s Stringer – Boyd – now Billy Bloody Picken.

A roar that raised the grandstand,
That every Bulldog craves,
Though none dared hope nor planned,
Teddy winked at Charlie – as both turned in their graves.

And days went by on dancing feet,
All down the Hawkins Wing,
Fans embracing all they meet,
“Sons of the West” was all they knew to sing.

In time the seasons turned,
October into May,
“I thought this time we’d learned”,
“But we’ll always be Footscray”.

“He’s just a bloody coach”,
“I told you it’s a fluke”,
We need a new approach,
He’s Bevo not St Luke.

The salary caps been busted,
They all want as much as Boyd,
Told you Gillon can’t be trusted,
Now Eddie’s got annoyed.

“We’ll all be ‘rooned – there’s hell to pay”,
Time again to shake the can,
“Bulldogs always find a way”,
Said Kerrie – Soraghan.

Can’t be the Bulldog Tragic,
It’s the real Year of the Dog,
Call it Bulldog Magic,
New name for me blog.




  1. you are my favourite bush poet priest. sparkling.

    i will be there next year, as the Tigers under Caracella will be, too. In Blake (including William), we trust.

  2. Lovely stuff, Peter. Had never made that G-Spot connection. I certainly found a G-Spot on Saturday… in the Longroom. Could’ve heard a pin drop when the Swans kicked a goal. The place went wild when the Dogs goaled. Who’d a thought all those grey-haired private school boys would one day be cheering on the dogs? Who said CEOs aren’t romantics?
    Lovely to meet you and Mary.

  3. Hats off PB.
    Clever stuff.

    Very happy to catch that tram. led by Joan Eddy, from the Fitzroy Town Hall, down Brunswick Street.
    The perfect Fitzroy experience, into a Footscray flag.

  4. So that’s what it sounded like out there.


  5. Phillip Dimitriadis says

    Love it PB.
    Not chewing on life’s gristle, not grumbling, but giving a poetic whistle. May the ‘jollies’ be with you always fella.

  6. Earl O'Neill says

    Great stuff Peter. Tho your meter tends to wander. Gonna be tricky putting that to music.

  7. Sensational PB v v clever

  8. Lovely invocation Peter…twas a day of worship.

    Good to meet too. I also got to meet the lovely Jan in the ladies, only a couple of hours after I heard her interviewed on radio…then wondered how she fared at the game the next day.

    I’m exhausted, and don’t barrack for either

  9. Excellent stuff, PB!!
    Well done.

  10. Luke Reynolds says

    Great to meet Peter B
    An experience quite regal
    But my highlight of GF week
    Was meeting the Avenging Eagle

    Fantastic work Peter.
    Very much wish we had the Bulldogs bark….

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