GIGSTUFF 66: Australian Open Special

by Andrew Gigacz

A SPANIARD FOR EVERY RUSSIAN AT THE AUSTRALIAN OPEN

Ever had the feeling that Russian women are just like Spanish men? Or vice versa? Well, actually, neither had I, at least not until the seedings for the 2012 Australian Open were published in last Tuesday’s Age. It was then that I noticed that of the women’s seeds, six were Russian while only one was Spanish. And when I glanced further down the page to the men’s seeds, it was revealed that six of them were Spanish and one was Russian. What does this tell us about the state of tennis in Russia and Spain? In truth, probably nothing – but I thought it was worth pointing out.

THEY REIGN IN SPAIN AND RULE IN RUSSIA

Actually, upon further reflection, the seedings probably do tell us something about the state of tennis in those two nations. For one, that they are arguably better than any other in the world of tennis just at the moment. The sum total of men’s and women’s seeds of the two countries is seven, more than any other nation. The next best are France (four men’s seeds and one women’s), Germany (four women’s seeds and one men’s) and Serbia (three men’s seeds and two women’s).

SPLITTING THE DIFFERENCE

So with both Spain and Russia sharing the highest number of seeds in the Open, how can we determine and declare an outright number one? One way would be to award points to each of the seeds based on their seed ranking. Using this method Denmark’s Caroline Wosniacki, as number one seed, would be allocated 32 points, with number two seed Petra Kvitova awarded 31 points and so on down to the number 32 seed, Romanian Monica Niculescu being allocated 1 point.

Likewise for the men, Serbia’s Novak Djokovic would receive 32 points, Rafael Nadal would receive 31 and 32^nd seed, Russia’s Alex Bogomolov would receive one.

And using the patented “GigStuff Sorting Process Of Tennis” tool – aka the G-SPOT, the number one tennis nation of the world is… Spain with 121 points! In fact, using this method relegates Russia to third on the table behind Serbia, who despite having less seeds, have an accumulated points total of 100, ahead of Russia’s 95 and France’s 91.

POSTCODE OF THE OPEN

Regardless of the name of the winner of this year’s Open, I’d like to see whoever it might be play at least one match in which they win two of the sets 6-1 and 6-4. Why? Because, while 6-1, 6-4 might not be the standard definition of success, 6164 is the postcode of SUCCESS.

RIDICULOUS AUSTRALIAN OPEN ANAGRAM

Is CAROLINE WOSNIACKI deserving of her number one seeding? Her name suggests that yes, she is. It’s an anagram of “I NO LOSE. I CRACK A WIN”.

TENNIS FILMS

And while my mind is set to “wacky” (Is there any other setting? Don’t answer that.), how about we have a bit of fun as we did with the cricket the other day and come up with some “tennis movies”. For example:

* Bjorn (Borg) on the Fourth of July

* The Third Seed

* Love-40, Actually

You get the picture. Let’s hear your nominations.

 If too many stupid stats, facts and bad dad jokes are barely enough for you, follow me on Twitter @AndrewGigacz.

About Andrew Gigacz

Well, here we are. The Bulldogs have won a flag. What do I do now?

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