Gigs’ Stats: Round-12 Stat. Declaration

By Andrew Gigacz

STATITORIAL — DEMETRIOU’S VERSION OF EVEN-HANDEDNESS

In his role as AFL CEO, Andrew Demetriou often has to perform delicate balancing acts in order to keep all parties happy. But he has taken that concept to a new level over the past couple of weeks. With the decision not to move the Round-14 St Kilda v Geelong blockbuster away from Idiot Stadium, the AFL has denied a potential 50,000 fans the chance of attending the game. In a classic case of “squaring the ledger”, Andrew and his team have now annoyed the 50,000 fans who WILL be at the match, by moving the game back an hour, simply so that Channel Seven’s Six O’Clock News ratings are maximised. Nice work, guys.

DAZZLING DOGS’ DEFINITIVE DARWIN DRUBBING DOESN’T DASH DROUGHT

(Apologies for the above headline. It’s what happens when an author’s alliterative allocation allowance is a lot and not a little.)

As good as the Dogs were in their thrashing of Port Adelaide, they didn’t quite break the magic 100-point margin barrier, which means we still haven’t cracked the ton margin-wise this season.

CENTURY SCARCITY

But it’s not just in margins where tons are drying up. Round 12 delivered only three final scores of 100 or more. The Doggies kicked the sweep with 137, while the Bombers fell a goal short of that total in their defeat of the Demons and the Saints scored 104 in their nine-point win over the Blues. It’s the first time since Round 13, 2006 that we’ve had only three sides top the ton.

HOW LOW CAN WE GO?

When St Kilda held Fremantle to a paltry 4.4 (28) in Round 4, many considered it would be comfortably the lowest score of the year. North’s effort against Adelaide on a rain- and wind-swept Footy Park last week proved them wrong. The Kangaroos score of just 3.6 (24) was the lowest in over ten years. The last time that score was “bettered” was in Round 4, 1999, when Essendon registered just 3.5 (23) in losing to the Eagles by 74 points.

SCORE WARS – Round 12 Update

104, being scored by the aforementioned St Kilda, has jumped up to the equal lead with 90. Both scores have been registered six times so far this season. Last year’s winner, 94, was scored by Geelong on Sunday and is only one away from the lead.

THE MARGINAL MEDAL

Geelong is driving this competition at the moment. In Round 11 they put “22” in front and this week their 19-point margin over Freo has given “19” an equal share. Margins under 30 that have not been registered yet in 2009 are 1, 10, 14, 25 and 29. 25 was not seen in 2008 season either. It’s been missing Round 21, 2007, when the Pies beat Sydney at the ’G.

FIXING NORTH MELBOURNE – AS EASY AS ABC

Darren Crocker has the task of turning North Melbourne’s fortunes around. The first place he might look could be playing personnel. Crocker’s stats gurus should tell him that North is the only club this year to field sides with no players whose surnames begin with A, B, C or D. They’ve done it six times for five losses. There’s your first piece of vital information, Dazza.

POSTCODE OF THE WEEK

(Warning: requires a modicum of rugby-league knowledge)

You didn’t have to be at Football Park last Sunday week to know how bad the conditions were there. The continuous first-half downpour was clearly visible and the ball was as slippery as the proverbial Peter Landy “cake of soap”. Perhaps it would be more appropriate to say as slippery as an eel, because Adelaide’s quarter by quarter goal sequence in that match was 2124, which just happens to be the postcode of Parramatta …

13-12 (Part 1)

Five teams ended Round 12 with a score of 13 goals. It was the first time this season the same number of goals has been scored by five or more teams in the same round. The last such occurrence was in Round 9 last year when six teams finished on 14 goals. Of the teams that scored 13 goals this round, all were winners except Melbourne.

13-12 (Part 2)

Port Adelaide scored a measly seven goals against the might of the Bulldogs, with their quarter by quarter break-down being 1-3-1-2. It was in the year 1312 that the Countess of Arundel, Isabel le Despenser, was born, appropriate because the Power were summarily “dispensed” with by the Dogs…

THIS WEEK’S RIDICULOUS FOOTY ANAGRAM:

Congratulations to Mick Malthouse who coached his 600th game at the weekend. With four wins on the trot, Mick’s interview demeanour has improved in recent weeks, but to find out what he’s like to confront after a loss, one need only look at rearranging the letters of Michael Malthouse: “I AM MOUSTACHE HELL.”