General Footy Writing: How teenage girls choose a footy team

By Danielle Eid

My friends can never understand, and will never understand, my attachment to footy. They don’t see a reason to fuss over a key player getting reported, or to cry over a rivalry thrashing. At school I’m known for two things:

1. My obsession with the Jonas Brothers (my favorite boy band, especially Joseph Jonas)

2. My passion for the Collingwood Football Club.

At school the only person who I could talk to about footy was my year seven home-room teacher, who left in 2006. He was a Geelong supporter and always has been my favorite teacher. When either of us lost a game we were teased by the other. I still remember him every time we play Geelong. I’m wondering if he’s watching the game and hoping that we thrash them!

My best friend Candy recently said to me: “I don’t understand how you find a bunch of players jumping on top of each other for a ball entertaining.”

I rolled my eyes. This coming from the girl who, just this year, decided to barrack for North Melbourne because she saw them at a public pool in their Speedos! This caused me to think about how teenage girls decide which team to follow. For me it was either barrack for Collingwood or be disowned, but as the years went by I was attached to the team like a baby with a security blanket.

By my analysis there are three types of girls.

1. Hottie-Hangers: These are girls who simply follow a team depending on how “hot or good-looking the players are, Candy is a perfect example!

A Hottie-Hanger conversation would sound like this: “OMG, how HOT is Ben Cousins?” or “Thank god Dale dyed his hair that shade; he looks way hotter now”.

Some girls can’t help but feel this way and I’ll admit hat I am half Hottie-Hanger. Some players that I find more than tolerable are: Nathan J. Brown, Scott Pendlebury, Paul Medhurst, Andrew Swallow, Brett Deledio, Sam Mitchell, Shaun Higgins and Cousins.
Hottie Hangers don’t mind if these players drop the footy for a photo shoot.

2. Modern Minglers: These are girls who just choose a team for the sake of it. They say they barrack for a team so that they can be included in football-related conversations. They usually follow the team of their partner. However, when push comes to shove Modern Minglers don’t give a stuff about their team.

3. Passionate Patrons: These girls are the real deal. They can name every player on their team, and they know their team’s strengths and weaknesses. Passionate Patrons live and breathe footy.

To answer your question TRUTHFULLY, I would say that I am both a Hottie Hanger and a Passionate Patron. I won’t forget a pretty face, I analyse whether the jersey colours look good on the players, and I get all shy in the presence of good-looking players.

HOWEVER, if I could save only one piece of clothing from my double wardrobe it would be my Collingwood jersey. And I’m sure that if you were to cut me, I’d bleed black and white!