Fearless 2014 Pre-season: “I am your father,” says Darth Mick.



Taking the piss has always been fun for footy followers but now it seems we can’t do that anymore. The sale and subsequent withdrawal from sale of t-shirts prompting the logo of Mick Malthouse as Darth Vader saying “Nathan I am Your Father” was a hit in theory. Apparently both clubs were left fuming…so these won’t be appearing to promote rivalry round. Where are we as a society when we can’t take the piss…?

In SA, the locals were buoyed that a couple of high profile recruits actually wanted to come to live in Adelaide. Former Crows Recruiting Chief Matt Rendell bemoaned SA’s inability to attract names. Eddie Betts for family reasons and James Podsiadly for a career extension came to the Crows, whereas Jared Polec returned from Brisbane to his home state to Port and Matt White sought opportunities at Port not at Tigerland. The big questions? Would the renovated Adelaide Oval benefit both clubs? Can Port keep the Power to win? Can Adelaide rise again with a bolstered attack?

WA. Further west on the Indian Ocean, it took only minutes on Freo’s chat rooms to label new coach Adam Simpson’s West Coast as Simpsons Donkeys. Ahhh banter…crosstown rivalry and a good old-fashioned Australian legend. Proof of the donkeys’ theory will be over the season. One sensed that the Eagles under Woosha had just gone stale. Fremantle were still licking their Grand Final wounds with Ross Lyon wanting an average of 2 more goals per game. That might have been useful on Grand Final day when the goalkickers went missing. Freo’s Grand Final appeared to be actually making the Grand Final. Eagle Murray Newman might get sick of fellow prison inmates greeting him with “Hello Newman!” (ahh Seinfeld, we miss you…)

VIC. Hope returned to Melbourne in the form of Paul Roos’ appointment as senior coach. After a couple of wretched seasons, the Demons had cause for some optimism. The Magpies pushed upwards of 70000 members as Bucks continued to reboot his squad away from the Malthouse model. Harry O became Herry L and the ghost of Richie Valens entered into commentary booths around the country (everybody: Lalalalamumba!) The Hawks remembered 2009 after their last flag. Dare I say it, that form drop off won’t happen again. Kevin Bartlett openly declared that the Tigers would win the flag. Footy returned to Punt Rd Oval, as did post-match underage drinking at the disco. Some of those 13yo’s were out of control doing the sharpie dance! North got many footy fans tipping them to make the top four and many others understandably questioning that logic. The proof of the pudding will be the pudding. Same for the Darth Mick reno of the Navy Blues and the ongoing remodelling of the Cats. Bombers, Bulldogs, Saints are mystery packages for season 2014. Predicated on the vagaries of youth and ASADA, any number of outcomes still conceivable.

NSW. North of the Murray, the Swans and the Giants continue to fly somewhat under the radar, although Buddy’s relocation to the cafes around Bondi near Jesinta Campbells’ place won’t attract any paparazzi attention, will it? Also COLA (Cost of Living Allowance) was leaving Sydney, as it’s apparently not that expensive to live there after all. The GWS continue their progress, despite Kevin Sheedy’s departure from Leon Cameron’s coaching box. The Giants have added some experience in Shaw, Mumford, Hunt and Addison. Mango and charcoal – still an odd colour combo!

QLD. Further north, the Gold Coast are looking forwards to making the finals. Their 2013 form at Club Metricon suggests they will be hard to beat. Meanwhile the Brisbane Lions have moved on from one redhead called Voss to another called Leppa as coach, recruiting some talent to replace those 5 “alleged” mummy’s boys who left – look after them they mightn’t have left. Lions nearly made the 8 in 2013 – drama!!!!

* TAS, ACT & NT – some more live AFL games and local recruits to watch in 2014.


  1. John Butler says

    I want one of those t-shirts.

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