Dramatic Asthmatic
Because of Melbourne’s bloody smog,
I’m panting like a mangy dog.
Ladies and gentlemen,
where is my Ventolin?
The first thing on a Sunday morn
my missus says to mow the lawn.
My God, she must be joking.
Can’t she see I’m choking?
She knows I can’t get off me arse,
coz I’m allergic to the grass.
Has anybody seen
my antihistamine?
My future’s kinda dubious.
My chest is like Vesuvius.
It’s just a question when
I cough up all this phlegm.
Oh, help me Lord, this life’s too hard.
I’m leaking like a Saint Bernard.
Can someone contact Pfizer?
I need a nebuliser.
Read more from Damian Balassone Here
More poetry from Almanac Poetry can be read HERE
If you would like to receive the Almanac Music and Poetry newsletter we will add you to the list. Please email us: [email protected]
To return to the www.footyalmanac.com.au home page click HERE
Our writers are independent contributors. The opinions expressed in their articles are their own. They are not the views, nor do they reflect the views, of Malarkey Publications.
Do you enjoy the Almanac concept?
And want to ensure it continues in its current form, and better? To help keep things ticking over please consider making your own contribution.
Become an Almanac (annual) member – CLICK HERE
About Damian Balassone
Damian Balassone is a failed half-forward flanker who writes poetry. He is the author of 'Strange Game in a Strange Land'.
- Web |
- More Posts
Brilliant work, Damian.
As a fellow asthmatic and lawnmower avoider/evader, I can relate to this.
Thanks Fitzroy Pete. Good to find a kindred spirit. I’m tempted to wear a gas mask next time I mow the lawns.
That’’s fabulous.
Cracker DB! Know the feeling well!
Ha, excellent DB, jokes galore. Stretching it a bit about lawns needing mowing every week though. I’m a 4 times a year mower, and a lazy guy.
Also, last time I read phlegm in a poem/lyric was Dave Warner’s Australian Heat from 79. Good company.
Cheers
Just loved this, DB!!
Cheers all. And Rick, four times a year? Great stuff. We are on a wavelength.
love this Damian, all of it, especially
“I’m leaking like a Saint Bernard” !!!
brilliant!!
Cracker Damian.
Asthma was once described as “a bit of wheezing.” Fair understatement that.
Very good