Diary of a madman (aka Bulldogs fan)

I’m looking through fingered-covered eyes as the Bulldogs run onto the ground to play the Roos.

Silent prayers. No more hundred-point defeats please. Drew Petrie to miss a few goals…please.

Nice start Bulldogs! I might just crack that Crownie put aside for the unlikely victory. Yeah, bugger waiting! Drew Petrie’s not doing much and we’ve actually got our noses in front. New boy Johannisen looks like a real find and the commentators are starting to talk about the Roos being under pressure and saying they’ll be out of the eight if they lose.

Nearly half-time. The crownie is tasting particularly good and I’m wishing I had a few more stashed away. Even considering a stubby-run at half-time. Might even wear my scarf to the bottle-shop and get a few envious looks instead of the usual derision of recent times.

Second half and it’s all gone to hell in a hand-basket! The possible victory-bubble is well and truly pricked!

The Roos arn’t doing anything special but they’re winning easily. And just to spite me, Drew Petrie’s marking everything and kicking goals. Brian Lake is hanging off him and jumping up to reach his outstreached hands like a firstgrader in the schoolyard being teased by a sixgrader holding the ball in the air. I find out later Petrie had the flu and nearly didn’t play. I understand he has a few anklebiters so he’s obviously opted for a less-stressfull afternoon by taking on the Bulldogs.

That Crownie starts repeating and I get this taste in my mouth which can only be described as a  combination of cat’s urine and my own bile. Talk about an over-rated pricey beer!

The cat wisely starts to move on my lap. She can feel the tension. She’s decided to beat the rush and leave before her master unceremoniously  tips her off and storms outside, mumbling something about wasting two hours of his life.

Twenty four hours later I go from Bulldog to a Blackdog depression and do my own post-mortem. I ask myself the following questions, starting with the most important :

Why did I renew the Fox Sports channels when I don’t watch the replays any more?

Now in my 60s and aging fast, will I ever last long enough to see a second premiership?

Why oh why have the Bulldogs never recruited big key-position players, or even not-so-big forwards WHO CAN ACTUALLY KICK GOALS!? I refer to exhibit A, a Mister Jack Gunston of Hawthorn, Your Honour.

Should I just stick to reading that stack of library books, try and finish writing that play and avoid all the angst. It’s worked in other years and even started me on a late-middle aged writing career.

But hang on. We’re playing the Tigers on the weekend! We’ve had the wood on them for a while now and could be a rough chance!

It’s amazing how hope springs eternal after a day or two. You start thinking of all those players about to return after resting their tired young bodies for example…and Jarrod Grant did try a bit harder this week…and Roughhead could be our new centre-half-back…and…


About Neil Anderson

Enjoys reading and writing about the Western Bulldogs. Instead of wondering if the second premiership will ever happen, he can now bask in the glory of the 2016 win.


  1. Considering a stubby-run at half time – brilliant! That’s confidence.

  2. Andrew Starkie says

    Great piece, Neil. You went a bit early on the crownie.

    Like last time we played, the Dogs showed a lot and should’ve been in front at the half. But, as you say, you have no tall forwards. And in the second half, you almost had no forwards literally with only four players in your half of the ground at ball-ups.

    We, North, have played ugly the last few weeks but have done enough to keep winning. We’ve looked tired and sore. Maybe we’re pacing themselves, but we’re not travelling that well and are probably due for a loss. It may not come against an injury riddled Bombers but the Pies will be tough the week after.

    No need to tell you to hang in there with the Dogs, because I know you will. As you say, hope springs eternal.

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