Damir Dokic: Food Critic? 20 Tennis questions that baffle Lord Bogan

Fritz Buehning

Fritz Buehning

1 What nationality is Roger Rasheed?

2 Who was the last player to win an Australian Open using a wooden racquet?

3 Who was the last player to win an Australian Open wearing Dunlop Volleys?

4 Am I alone in thinking that wog parent/managers make tennis more interesting?

5 Why can’t Channel 7 find a gig for Damir Dokic as a food critic, fucken?

6 Moon landing comparisons aside, should players’ shoes still be so squeaky in 2015?

7 Why do names like Fritz Buehning, Paul Kronk, and Shlomo Glickstein whirl around my brain at this time of year?

8 Why aren’t there more Jewish Tennis Players?

9 Am I the only one that remembers Bill Lawry excitedly stating in late 1986: “Stan Cash has won the Davis Cup for Australia!”?

10 Did Pat Cash moonlight as a Tin Shed Cowboy?

11 Are Lleyton Hewitt’s parents still alive?

12 Does Lleyton wear that fucking baseball cap backwards in bed with Bec?

13 What did Renae Stubbs do in her career to justify the inordinate amount of ‘shoulds’ she uses when critiquing today’s players?

14 Why do I still hanker for the taste of a Marlboro when watching the Australian open?

15 Who was the last player to serve holding two balls in his/her hands?

16 Why can’t I find Mike Brady’s“The Whole World’s Playing Tennis’ on Youtube?

17 Should we now class Mark Edmondson’s win in 1976 as a protected record?

18 Why did Terry Towelling hats go out of fashion?

19 How popular would Sam Stosur be if she looked more like Anna Kournikova?

20 Did I really start the 1980 school year in Grade 5 by proclaiming that Phil Dent will be Australia’s best ever Tennis player?

About Phillip Dimitriadis

Carer/Teacher/Writer. Author of Fandemic: Travels in Footy Mythology. World view influenced by Johnny Cash, Krishnamurti, Larry David, Toni Morrison and Billy Picken.


  1. Andrew Fithall says

    1 Ramjetian
    2 Pinocchio
    3 John Harms
    4 Unlike Phil, I am not a wog so I am not allowed to say that word?
    5 Because his kitchen rules
    6 I agree especially with the oil price so low.
    7 See answer 4
    8 Looking at the ball at its highest point when serving tilts the head so far back it causes the yarmulke to fall off.
    9 We may not have remembered but we now know
    10 No. A suburban lawyer.
    11 Apparently they had to go and get real jobs
    12 I am not sure you put the work fucking in the right place in your question
    13 Stubbs has recorded more doubles triumphs than any other Australian woman. Thank-you wikipedia
    14 Latent homosexual tendencies triggered by the thought of the Marlboro Man? I shouldn’t say that Phil. After all. I am the one who is going to see The Village People in March
    15 There are just too many potential rude responses to this question
    16 Because there is a god
    17 With the reintroduction of vinyl there is no such thing as a protected record. This is a very weak answer.
    18 What? When? No-one told me.
    19 It would depend on which foot she kicks with
    20 As long as you didn’t finish Grade 5 still thinking that Phil, I wouldn’t be too worried. If you still hold that belief, yes, there may be cause for concern.

  2. Why do the ball balls/girls give the players three balls anyway?

  3. Dimitriadis & Fithall = the Almanac’s Clarke & Dawe?

  4. Very good Phil.

    Roger Rasheed was a handy footballer too. When we were running around for the Unley Jets, my cousin got towelled up by Roge one afternoon. A big, useful centre half-forward.

    No.12. I reckon the age of thirty is when backward baseball cap wearing should discontinue. Or Logan’s Run is evoked.

    Andrew Fithall- agree with your response to number 12. Excellent.

  5. Fritz Buehning; what a blast from the past! Did he win the Sydney Open in 1979 or 1980. He was also the doubles partner for Ferdie Tayagn. One of our colleauges at Maribyrnong High School, Lee Thompson, had Fritz as his tennis idol in this period.

    What year did the forme Israeli army soldier, Schlomo Glickstein, win in Hobart ?


  6. 12 – He has always worn his cap backwards in bed. Bec complained about the peak hitting her in the face.

  7. Mark 'Swish' Schwerdt says
  8. Dave Brown says

    What, Amos Mansdorf and Anna Smashnova weren’t enough?

  9. Fritz B. reminds me a bit of a young Barry Round.

    12. You’d guess yes, with a few well-timed C”MON’s thrown in.

    17. Yes, along with Chris O’Neil’s 1978 triumph. We can’t really count Hana Mandlikova or Aussie Kim as ours, can we?

    Another question: Where do all those noisy Swedes spend their holidays now? Haven’t seen or heard them at the Open for years. Remember those chants and responses across Showcourt 3 or wherever. The Swedish girls always looked nice though.

    Vin, Who or what are ball balls/girls? Keep it clean.

    Cheers, Burkie

  10. Been at the tennis for the first time this week. Good fun

    Good work Phil
    Why does tennis have an expedential improvement the further you are away from a channel 7 commentator?
    What’s with the clapping thing on point reviews?
    Why are we watching Leyton for the second time on RLA tonight?
    How did Harms get away with wearing a corduroy coat at TA official lunch yesterday?

    Cheers TR

  11. Vin
    as it costs your left testicle to buy food and drinks I assume there may be a surplus of balls available

  12. 4. Absolutely NOT alone. There should be a reality TV show with Damir and Nick Philippoussis doing the Pete Evans/Manou Fidel shtick called: ‘Sou You Want to Be A Tennis Parent?”

    5. See qn 4. Although if we could work in some way of restoring junk and flogging them at auctions, I’m sure 7Mate would bite. Working title: “Forehand, Farken w/ Damir Dokic”

    8. Too many Saturday pennant competitions. Sabbath > sports.

    12. Probably. AND calls for a towel afterwards with that same awful hand gesture he uses between points

    13. What did ANYONE – bar Jim Courier – do to justify the inordinate amount of pontificating that is Channel 7’s Aus Open coverage?

    14. Because we all want to go to flavour country. I know I do.

    16. Because there is a just and merciful God.

  13. G’day Phil,

    Regarding with question number 19, do you think guys like pretty / beautiful female tennis players?

    I don’t criticise, but am curious to know what other blokes think. I like beautiful women, but personality is my priority for future girlfriend.



  14. Phil, some very pertinent questions here.
    And Andrew – some excellent responses.

    I want to know what happened to the tradition of female players tucking the spare tennis ball into their knickers. Now that was something that could get a young boy’s mind a-wandering and heart a-fluttering.

  15. Terry towelling hats went out of fashion due to an ill-advised venture by the terry towelling people into intimate apparel (and the most fatal mistake they made was having Clive Lloyd model their range!)

  16. Phillip Dimitriadis says

    Well I must say that I’m shocked and chagrined at the shabby treatment handed out to Mike Brady’s jingle in this thread. He would be crying into a bowl of SPC baked beans and spaghetti after reading your cruel barbs.

    AF, Swift and deadly return of serve. Latent homosexual tendencies? Only for the Solo Man.We’re all wogs on this planet I reckon. Who belongs anywhere anymore? #8 Very funny.

    Mickey, Am I to ascertain that Roger Raheed’s nationality is South Australian?

    Bakes, That is a pisser. I’m picturing Nick and Damir with Ille Nastase as their Executive Consultant in some sort of Celebrity Parent/Manager cook off. “Fish no good, fucken followed by free for all in the kitchen. That I’d watch.

    Tony, only Harms could get away with corduroy at TA. Did he accessorize with the white skivvy?
    Yoshi, I know you mean well, but trust me, after 18 years of marriage you tend to find that personality can be a tad overrated.

    Dave, Amos and Anna are not Shlomo. You sure they’re not Palestinian?

    Burkie, definitely a touch of young Barry in Fritz. Maybe they were separated at birth.

    PB, How often do you reckon poor Bec has called OUT when Lleyton’s mind wasn’t on the job?

    Smokie, Chris Evert…I know, I know.

    T-Bone, Clive Lloyd and Arthur Dunger have a lot to answer for!

    The Marlboro Australian Open was held from the 24th of Dec 1979 to the 2nd of Jan 1980. The people responsible for that fixturing were obviously moved on to the AFL at some point.
    Thanks for the great responses and laughs lads. Appreciate it.

  17. I’ve still not had an answer as to the year Schlomo won in Hobart. Was it 79-80?


  18. Phillip Dimitriadis says

    I Googled it but it said that the Hobart International began in 1994. Was it called something else? Shlomo made the Qtr finals of the 1981 Aust Open, bowing out to big serving American Steve Denton.

    BTW, Vin, where does the 3rd ball go?
    Bakes, Imagine the managerial material if Pou and Jelena got together and had a family?

  19. G’day Phil. I tried googling it but could only find details on the Womens event. I recall it being either the summer of 79-80, or 80-81, but buggered if I can find specific details ! One you know, or I know, we can all know !


Leave a Comment