Crio’s Question – the Name Game

Surely others hold a sentimental soft spot for the D-Gen’s “The Late Show” and remember Mick Molloy’s shtick where, as booking manager, he’d end up with a “sounds like” offering….most notably when Joan Kirner (with David White in tow) subbed for the “expected” Joan Jett.

I was reminded of this, strangely, on Oaks Day.

From the betting ring we are usually blissfully unaware of the tortuous ”entertainment” being inflicted on patrons in the stands (for whom horse racing obviously/ironically is not enough), but sometimes a PA blares a barrage to interrupt the business of betting . Some blokes try to guess the identity of the “noisemaker” – I never know but Derby Day had a bloke who couldn’t even hold a tune.

As the Oaks field gathered the din increased and I was told the singer was Belinda Carlisle, a faded 80’s poster with, I must concede, at least a racing link from her band’s name, the Go-go’s.

I lamented an opportunity that the old Working Dogs team would not have missed. They’d have booked Belinda Carlile, former Alice Springs, current Pooncarrie Cup winner and eastern seaboard “journeyman” hoop.

Names can be fun.

I always remembered the agony inflicted by his promotion on “Major” Major in Catch 22. That probably triggered my antennae for anything resembling same name/different game or those with appropriate titles for their roles – I saw Newcastle Harness Racing’s CEO Ross Gigg on Sky the other night!

There are heaps such as this. Many are amusing. Some, like Cardinal Sin, are alarming.

But the name game is a fun topic.

Who’s got some to share?


  1. The Kickett clan of indigenous football players.

  2. Crio – As a Bays tragic how could you overlook 1973 Premiership captain, and champion Glenelg and SA half forward and centreman – Peter MARKER.
    Smokie and other Kangaroo fans would have fond memories of Les FOOTE, who captained the team in their first GF in 1950 (losing to Essendon). FOOTE had a career best game in the Preliminary Final against Geelong when he almost single-handedly turned a 42 point deficit into a 17 point Kangaroo win.
    “Bloody Foote” on that day is the first recorded instance of Pastor Harms Snr swearing.

  3. for those wanting a trip down memory lane, here’s some of Wiki’s highlights…

    Tony Martin would announce that Mick Molloy had organised for a major celebrity to perform, only for Molloy to sheepishly admit he had booked a minor celebrity of a similar name usually possessing no musical ability. The humour in Molloy’s recurring “errors” in booking the performers may have run dry if not for the hilarity of having well-known Australian non-musical celebrities and politicians performing.
    The performances included:
    Pete Smith performing Aerosmith’s “Dude (Looks Like a Lady)”
    Norman Yemm singing R.E.M.’s “Losing My Religion”
    Mike Whitney as Whitney Houston performing “I Will Always Love You”
    Former Australian swimmer Hayley Lewis with “Hip to Be Square” by Huey Lewis
    French-Australian chef Gabriel Gaté performing “Accidentally Kelly Street” by Frente!
    Ron Barassi as Shirley Bassey singing the theme from the James Bond film Thunderball (actually a Tom Jones song)
    Game show host “Baby” John Burgess performing “One Word” by Baby Animals
    TV fisherman and football commentator Rex Hunt in a spangly costume covering T. Rex’s “Get It On”
    Actor Syd Heylen covering the Van Halen tune “Jump”
    Actor Donnie Sutherland as Dame Joan Sutherland
    TV weatherman Brian Bury singing Ian Drury’s “Hit Me With Your Rhythm Stick”
    Television vet Dr. Harry Cooper as Alice Cooper performing “Department of Youth”.
    Grassby, Grills, Nudge & Plumb as Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young. The “group” was composed of Al Grassby (former Australian Immigration Minister); Lucky Grills (from ’70s cop show Bluey); Christopher Truswell (who played the character of “Nudge” in the Australian sitcom Hey Dad); and veteran Australian actress Gwen Plumb.
    Australian cricketer David Boon performing “Once in a Lifetime” as Talking Heads frontman David Byrne.
    Former Premier of Victoria Joan Kirner covering Joan Jett’s “I Love Rock ‘n’ Roll”, accompanied on guitar by her former Health Minister David White who actually did play the guitar for the segment.
    Australian variety show host, singer and entertainer Jimmy Hannan standing in for Jimmy Barnes (former Cold Chisel frontman) singing “Working Class Man”.
    Boxing champion Lester Ellis as Vangelis playing the theme from Chariots of Fire on piano (not included on the DVD).

  4. mickey randall says

    Tiger Woods has the rare situation of his first name being appropriate given the seemingly endless string of women who suddenly announced that they’d spent horizontal time with him. Also his last name refers to his professional, but by no means lesser, tools of his trade when on the golf course.

  5. mickey randall says

    Many have noted that as a thirsty chap about town, former Hawk and Crow Darren is indeed a Jar Man.

  6. mickey randall says

    If only American professional golfer Jeff Maggert had umpired Australian rules football…

  7. Crio,
    A few racing stories always stick with me. One I have told before, the famous Nobody V Nothing encounter at Moonee Valley in the 70’s. I can still heat the laconic Accurate One chortling “folks this had to happen, I can only tell you Nobody’s in front and Nothing’s behind it.”
    In a similar vein I always thought that if I owned a mare it would be called Kilter, which would provide endless naming possibilities for its progeny being ‘Out of Kilter”. It would have had half-sisters called Bounds, Time, Space, Luck, Opportunities and Beer.

  8. Mark 'Swish' Schwerdt says

    If only baseballer Albert Pujols was a proctologist

  9. I always thought the late David Hookes had a perfect name for a batsman.

    Victorian Colonial Premier, Tommy Bent, was the best named politician of all time (and he actually was a crook).

  10. Dave, I heard a commentator once declare..
    “a hooker or a puller – same result”.
    Classic Benny Hill.

  11. Amy Winehouse

  12. Peter Fuller says

    Good shout for Tommy Bent. I also found it quite appropriate that one of the senior administrators of the Queensland National Party rejoiced in the name Ken Crook, while Tony Crook was the Independent National MP who defeated Wilson Tuckey.
    In my family we have a tradition commencing with my father to aspire to the title of Fuller Bullshit. I was the unchallenged holder of the title in my generation, and I tease my adult sons from time to time by suggesting that one of them is a worthy contender to be the one to be the new claimant of this exalted status

  13. There’s a police spokesman called Adam West!

  14. Arsenal -Arsene Wenger , Man City-Mancini (former manager), i believe Essendon are looking to continue the trend by appointing former German international Stefan Kuntz as their new boss.

  15. Cowshedend, have you ever sat down and calculated how much time you have used up in by-passing the suburb known as Essendon? I know you would not willingly go there.
    Channel 7 sending Amy Parks to report on the opening of AAMI Park…

  16. Kath Presdee says

    A former Minister for Gaming and Racing in NSW was Richard Face.

    Why you’d use your middle name when you have a surname of Face is beyond me.

  17. Chalkdog, my obsessive, bordering on pathological detestation of the Napier st goat riders is one of the few joys one has left.
    It is pure folly to point out to someone in my unstable state the errors of my ways,………Cue Psycho music………..make thrusting stabbing actions!!!!!!!!

  18. Bernie Madoff

  19. I love a good aptronyms discussion

  20. While on Bernie Madoff, even better than his name is Ponzi, the name of the scheme he used and that ultimately brought him down. The term Ponzi takes on a whole other level of delightfully wicked triple entendres somewhere between the connotations of Fonzi and Potsie and Happy Days combined.

    And of course we can’t go past Stephen Dank. As has been noted previously, Dickens could not have given this villain a better name. Dickens, perhaps more than any other author besides Shakespeare loves a good aptronym. His novel, Martin Chuzzlewit (as but one example) abounds with characters whose names are broad aptronyms. Not the least being the eponymous lead character. There is also Seth Pecksniff, Tom Pinch, Chevy Slyme and Montague Tigg, architect of a Ponzi type scheme a century or two before Bernie Madoff entered stage right.


    Oh, Margaret Court

  21. Back when I was a kid in the Northern suburbs there used to be a tailor in Heidelberg Road called Strapp. It was an appropriate name for a tailor but it would have been even more appropriate had he been a teacher at any of the local Government or Catholic primary schools.

    In Warrnambool in the eighties I used to go to a doctor named Graves. He was a good doctor but his name did not inspire confidence.

  22. Phil Dimitriadis says

    Love this stuff Crio.
    William Wordsworth and Thomas Crapper.

  23. and the classic urban myth about the guy who invented the brassiere…Otto Tittslinger [Boom Boom]….
    Oh and Cowshedend, please dont think I was complaining about your obsession with the red and black. I am actually glad that some traditions remain rock solid. The last 18 months must have either been a pleasure for you, or a pain as they were all over the news.
    If only the aforementioned Stefan Kuntz had a brother called Packer, he would be perfect for head goat rider at Napier St.

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