Crio’s Question

Like Sergei Bubka, the Hawks seem to have again marginally broken their own record.

Was their jumper against Sydney the worst of their many fashion crimes – beginning with the Club ‘s colours – and do they hold the mantle of worst sports uniform?

Broadening the debate, I propose that Melbourne Victory’s home shirt is amongst the world’s very best.

What are the other contenders?


  1. Yes Crio,

    it certainly adds another perspective to the “diapers” description of the contemporary May Blooms kit.


  2. Venus Williams must always be a nominee. Is it the outfits or just her?

  3. John Butler says

    I can remember the storm of protest when the Blues donned the light blue M & M outfit years ago.

    At the time it was appalling, but given some recent variations of away strip, clash strip and the like, I’m wondering if it looks so bad in retrospect.

    Also, the original Brisbane Bears jumper was ridiculous.

    I wonder what we can expect with the new expansion teams? There seems to be a downward trend.

  4. Young Gazza may end up looking like a ‘lolly-pop’ man or one of those tasty ‘strawberries and cream’ sweets.

  5. John Mosig says

    Good call Crio. It’s a pet hate of mine – these clash jumpers. i rarely agree with Eddie – but this time I do. Collingwood play in Black&White Vertical Stripes. Like the bars on a cell.

    The ghostly Shinboner away jumper has to be the most demeaning by far, although, like Crio – I reckon the Hawks must have Pru Acton locked away in the bowels of Waverly churning out designs by the dozen. And the Blues in those Persil white geurnseys – it must be tough on the Princes Park Faithful. I find it hard to visualize Carlton when I see them playing in white.

    But let’s not close the competition just yet. From what we’ve seen of the GC17 outfits they looked like netballers – or meter maids. And that’s their home jumper. The one the team photos will be shot in.

    Favourite away strip? Go no further than The Anchormen. White with purple anchor or the reverse – purple with white anchor. And who’s getting used to their original gouldian finch combination? It sort of grows on you, eh?

  6. John, I don’t like any of the white jumpers and, after a tough initiation, I really like Freo’s home strip.
    Away outfits always cause me grief but the bare minimum req must be that they use only the colours registered by a club. I remember Liverpool I think garbed in green as the terraces sang “Come on you Reds!”.

  7. Danielle says

    ahh FASHION!
    Now here’s something i like to think i know a bit about.
    The Hawks jumper, i liked it! i thought it was different in way that it worked. I noticed that it suits Blondies more like Mitchell, but in saying this is doesn’t look ugly on Buddy.

    My beloved Collingwood jumper, I HATE the away black stipes on the white back!
    Does anyone remember our jumper with the flying magpie across the front? i really loved that jumper. Oh, and i hate white shorts with our jumper, it does not help players like Clokey and Browny in the backside department!

    As for the GC jumper, ewwwwwwwwwwwww!!
    they might as well be named the GoldCoast Communists!
    ‘The Reds under the bed!!’


  8. Ian Syson says
  9. Ian Syson says

    some more, including an awful Aussie top:

  10. Dave Nadel says

    Anybody remember the Carrara Koalas? What a magnificent jumper NOT. North Melbourne played in an Orange jumper for one match (promotion for Orange mobile phone company) It seemed particularly appropriate for what has been considered the most Irish Catholic club in the competition. North’s official history was written by Father Gerard Dowling!

    I think the whole concept of clash jumpers is ridiculous and just another piece of money grubbing marketing. The argument that players,or even television viewers might become confused over jumpers might be true for Collingwood and North on black and white TV but apart from that…..!

    It reminds of the joke about the two morons who couldn’t work out how to tell their horses apart. First they cut the mane off one horse, but it grew back, then they cut the tale off the other horse but it also grew back. As a last resort they tried measuring the two horses…..and they found that the black horse was four inches taller than the white horse!

  11. Dave Nadel says

    Please do not show the AFL the Newcastle jumper with the different sized stripes that is displayed on the site to which Ian has posted a link. Anderson might try and make Collingwood play in it.

  12. John Butler says


    The camouflage get up may look alright in a night club, but on a football field, I’m not so sure.

    Personally, I have a problem with anything that looks like it should be matched with a headband and leg warmers.

    Please can we let the 80’s die?

  13. Danielle says

    12- lol
    JB, i think the players did end up going clubbing in thier jmpers after the game, wouldn’t be surprised.

    As for the 80s, it will never die, you see fashion always comes back, so when it does go out in a few years you can expect it to come right back in.

    i think the shorts these days are looking too much like basketball shorts, too baggy, too long, no wonder its easy for players to get dacked.

  14. Tony Robb says

    I think Hawthorn, pound for pound, would have consistently produced the worst jumpers over an extended period of time. You just can’t make brown and gold mix withoug it looking like a nappy. I remember seeing them in that hideos harlequin number in a pre sesonn comp many years ago. Young child began crying.

  15. Ian #8. I have one of those St Johnstone tops. Nothing wrong with that.

    Piece of trivia. St Johnstone is the only team in mainland British Isles in major divisions or conferences with a “J” in its name.

  16. Damian Watson says

    Yeah I agree with the nomination for the Hawks Pre Season jumper back in the mid 90’s, that was terrible.

    I remember North donned an orange guernsey in a match against Collingwood in 2000, not sure about the reasoning behind that.

  17. Chalkdog says

    Away jumpers! You would think some one would have invented colour tv by now.I can remember North v Coll in the mud at Arden St on BW TV and still being able to follow the game. And in recent years my then 6 year old took a whole quarter convincing me that there was a difference in the Collingwood away strip [it was black stripes on a white jumper apparently].

  18. Chalk,
    I thought that the Collingwood “away” clothes were usually buried in a brown paper bag outside the Bluestone walls.

    But seriously, dark jumper and white number can be tough from behind.

  19. Chalkdog says

    I remember the great “Whispering Ted Lowe” saying “…is about to pot the pink, and for those of you without colour TV the pink is behind the blue”.
    I like the Tour d France approh where each team has a full set of leaders jerseys [more like Lycras if you ask me] on had at all times.
    AFL version – 4 jumpers per game.
    yellow when you are leading
    green if you are flying
    polka dot if you’ve come from behind
    white if your average age is less than 25

  20. Now that’s progressive thinking! (have you been in Wandi?)
    Bibs to indicate next to be rotated?

  21. I recall West Coast’s yellow blue and RED strip from about ten years ago, the colors faded into each other. Looking back that one was pretty poor.

    Dave Nadel’s joke in post 10 made me giggle.

  22. Ian Syson says


    What about the Jambos?

  23. Worst clash jumper i’ve ever laid eyes on was definitely the 1995 Hawthorn pre-season guernsey, while I quite liked the West Coast one Adam mentioned. Melbourne’s old blue jumper with the red demon in the middle was ok as well.

    The clash strip of Collingwood’s is fantastic in my opinion.

  24. Sorry Josh,

    I hate to shoot you down but no black and white strip looks any good.

    (Grumpy Old) Phantom.

  25. Peter Flynn says

    Blokes walking to the milk bar wearing one-day cricket shirts from the ’80’s.

  26. I’d love to attack Andre Agassi’s outfits from his youth but am worried that someone might unearth my own sad efforts from the same era!
    So, moving on, I propose Victory’s home shirt as outstanding, as are Italy’s and,usually Spain’s – string and simple.

  27. I would think that the Italians may find a socccer top restrictive for diving. Perhaps just some simple red, white and green budgie smugglers.

  28. Sorry Phantom. Not a big wrap for the Italians but the Australians need to grow out of that weak excuse.

  29. pauldaffey says


    I used to get all worked up about jumpers. The fact that Wedderburn swapped from black and red stripes, which is a magnificent look, to Essendon guernseys was especially painful.

    Why bother to follow an AFL club’s design? Especially in this era when computers and synthetic material make it possible to put absolutely anything on a jumper? Witness the Hawks’ camouflage outfit on Sunday.

    But then I let go. Jumpers have changed. The kids love the new ones. Some adults love the new ones. They’re not going to go away in a hurry. Let’s just get on with it.

  30. pauldaffey says

    PS. That’s not to say that fashion might not go the full circle. Italy’s string and simple (sic) design might just become a template in footy circles. Sashes and stripes might just make a comeback. Well and good if they do.

    Now about these form-hugging shorts that Collingwood and Adelaide wear …

  31. Crio,

    I am not that serious. It’s all in fun.

    The food at the local Italian joint is always good leading up to the the time Italy is knocked out of the World Cup. The service is friendly and all is fine in the world. Not worth going if they have an early exit. Loud voices in the kitchen, the sound of broken plates, slow service and average food.

    When they win it is a joyous extended season.

    Last time it was there I mentioned the diving incident in 2006. I was just greeted with a wink, a gererous smile and an ‘ehh haa haa’.

    I got an extra large serving of pasta and a complimentary Chianti.

    They know.

  32. Like Wayne Harmes?!

  33. John Butler says

    It was in I tell you!

  34. Ian Syson says

    Like Mr Hawkins in last year’s GF appealing for a goal when he knew it had scraped the post. Thanks goodness Geelong won by more than 4 points in the end.

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