Cats fall over the line

Buddy marks the ball, 60 out on the left forward flank. The Hawthorn supporters are cheering. The favourite son on his favourite angle. Words too rude to repeat are going through my head. What else can I do? I do a Maxxy, and… and… SHANK!!!!!!! Thank God. The Wicked Witch of Mt Waverley has just kicked into the crowd in the forward pocket. The Cats are saved by the bell. Mum reckons the Cats should have lost, but she’s a Richmond supporter. I can’t help but belt out the theme song. Da-da-da-da, da-da-da-dup, da-da-da-da, da-da-da-dup, da-da-da-da, da-da-da-daa da-dup-dup-dup-dup, We are Geelong, the greatest team of all…

The game opens with Tin-man Mark Blake winning the tap-out. The Flying Monkey they call Cyril wins a free and gets it to Buddy. The Witch kicks to the pocket and the ball goes out of bounds. The Wiz Gaz gets the clearance and gets it to Wojcinski, who follows the yellow brick road. The ball goes to the slightly under-rated other wizard Bartel who flies, marks and goals. Roughead responds. Cheers and jeers for when Ottens comes back on for his first game in over 2 months. Roughead takes a screamer in the pocket but misses to the right. The next goal comes from a deft tap from Peterson down to Ellis. Varcoe handballs to Chappie who kicks a goal, in a play reminiscent of the 2009 decider. There’s rubbish all over the ground. Lewis has two; One from a mark 45 out, and another from a Dasher handball. Brad Sewell kicks it sideways when he looks like he should have kicked it forward. The commentators reckon it was ‘intentional.’ Wojcinski takes another trip down the yellow brick road, handballs to Mackie who bombs it to the goal-square where J-Pod marks, plays on and kicks the goal. The cats are down by 7 points at the first break and I remember a depressing statistic I read recently, where only 24 of the teams behind at Quarter time have gone on to win the game (except that I read that statistic before round 10.)

The second Quarter begins with Buddy trying to do a Fev with a dribbler from the pocket that misses. The munchkin Stokes stuffs it up in the forward 50. Mum says he’s having a shocker, I say he’ll get better. The Little Courageous Lion, Trav Varcoe, lays a superb tackle on the wing on Ben Stratton results in a free and 50 metres when Tom Murphy chucks the ball away. Of course it goes through, and a Shannon Byrnes handball to the Wizard of Geelong, followed by a snap and goal. The Cats have there nose in front. The Wiz bombs it to the Munchkin, but the wind carries it into the post. The Waverley Witch marks and gets his first. His second follows when he drops the mark, gets a free for an arm chop and gets a 50 metre penalty to put him in the goal-square. He kicks it, but he shows off while doing it. Mum says he’s a good player but I disagree.

At half-time, the Cats are still 7 down, and Mum goes off to meet her Hawks friend in the toilet (At the start of the game she texted Mum saying may the best team called Hawthorn win. The kid who’s sitting in front of me is staring whenever the Cats kick a goal. Its partially my fault, because I’m cheering very loudly, but still… Anyway, Mum gets back and catches on and, when play resumes, and he’s still staring, Mum says: the ball’s over there. Pure gold. The first four scores are minor, then the Good Witch, Mum’s favourite Geelong player (‘He won the Brownlow because he has the dreamiest eyes in the AFL.’ Bleugh) marks and passes to The Tin-Man who passes to the Munchkin, who almost stuffs it up, but kicks his first. He’s come back from suspension very well. A beautiful kick from the Wiz to The Little Courageous Lion handballs to the Munchkin, who kicks his second.  A Munchkin smother which goes to Duncan results in another Stokes goal. 3rd break, and the Cats kick 3.2 to 2.7 in that quarter. The Cats are down by 6 points.

Mackie kicks to Kelly, who passes to Byrnes. He’s been quiet since he got a ball in the eye. He slots it through. The Wicked Witch kicks his third, and the 69, 220 people in attendance can sniff a contest. The Munchkin gets it off Chappie, bombs it long, superb bounce, goal. Mum gets an ‘I told you so.’ The good witch gets an intelligent knock from the boundary to the Munchkin who passes to J-Pod, who snaps the goal. Hodge marks, while his direct opponent, one C. Ling, wasn’t even watching. He slots it through. Chappie replies. The Good Witch passes to The Tin-Man, whose kick skims the post. Ellis passes to The Waverley Witch, who handballs to Sewell, who kicks his first goal of the year. The margin is three points. The blokes behind me say next goal wins. My heart’s beating at around a million miles per hour. Byrnes kicks a behind. Young has two chances to kick the goal, but misses both. Taylor takes a mark on the back flank from the first kick-in. Mum says there’s one and a half minutes left. Scarlo takes a kick-in which the bad witch marks. We’ve caught up now. Signs saying ‘U Buddy superstar’ and ‘the Buddy show.’ But he shanks it out, and all I can think of is ‘U Buddy idiot.’ Mum says ‘Goodbye’ to the annoying kid, and we leave.

We get back to the station, and I ask Mum: Are Geelong the best team called Hawthorn. She laughs, and we get home to a house filled with the smell of my sister’s cookies.

Geelong 3.3  5.6  8.8  12.13 (85)

Hawthorn 4.4  6.7  8.14  11.17 (83)


Geelong-Stokes 4, Podsiadly 2, Chapman 2, Byrnes, Ablett, Varcoe, Bartel

Hawthorn-Franklin 3, Roughead 2, Lewis 2, Hodge, Sewell, Ellis, Young


Geelong- Stokes, Bartel, Wojcinski, Selwood, Chapman, Taylor

Hawthorn- Rioli, Sewell, Franklin, Gilham, Burgoyne, Bateman


69,220 at the MCG

My votes:

3: Mathew Stokes (G)

2: Jimmy Bartel (G)

1: David Wojcinski (G)

About Sam Marcolin

Sam Marcolin realises that some idiots don't know when to stop and that google doesn't have privacy settings. People who are googling me should stop it.


  1. Danielle says

    Great report Sam.
    I think your mum has the right idea, there should be an AFL award for the best looking players.
    I myself have spent most of my school holidays going through the team lists, rating players out of ten on looks, let’s just say Fev didn’t score very high. lol

    Danielle Eid

Leave a Comment