Boxing Day: Predictions v Reality

The media commentary leading up to Boxing Day could be written years in advance. There are staples of optimistic predictions that almost inevitably fall flat and far from prophesised.  Here are few that have played out over the last few days.


Headline: Boxing Day to be a scorcher.


Reality: Melbourne wakes to overcast skies and light drizzle. Better take a top and a poncho with you to the cricket.


Headline: Cracking Race Day at Caulfield.


Reality: First problem. It’s at Caulfield. Second problem. There hasn’t been a decent field in two months and Billy Pike’s suspension has cost you any chance of a get out in WA for the past month.


Headline: Race Record is On


Reality: The forecast of strong northerly wind fails to arrive leaving the fleet Sydney to Hobart fleet floundering off Montague Island.


Headline: Poms to Show their Mettle


Reality: Joe Root loses the toss and hoists the white flag before the first ball is bowled setting a negative defensive field that effectively tells his bowlers they are rubbish and this wicket is a road.


Headline: Big day at HQ:


Reality: Great day to go to the beach. 3,956 people turned up at Randwick to watch provisional nags run around in 6 horse races on the worst track surface in Australia.


Headline: English Bowlers to take it to Aussies.


Reality: 103 runs in the first session and the English fast bowlers looking like they want to be any where but at the MCG. Ali last seen heading over the Jolimont Bridge.


Headline: Melbourne to Launceston Yacht Race to be Ripper.


Reality: The What???


Headline: Boxing Day Test to See Record Crowd


Reality: A crowd of 52,146 attend day one as 1,097 patrons were refused entry for having concealed beach balls in their backpacks. 4,578 were deemed a security risks for wearing excessively wide sombreros. The other 30,00 failed to see a ball bowled as they were still queuing outside the ground at 7pm.


Headline: Tight Race for Handicap Honours


Reality: The eventual handicap winner will dock pull up at Constitution Dock around 3am next Sunday only to find that all the maxi crews have already headed back home and the gate to the jetty has been locked.


Headline: Barmy Army to Sing up a Storm


Reality: Bloke with the trumpet refused entry for possessing an incendiary device. The bloke who write the chants was last seen passed out on St Kilda beach. Warner caught on 99 off a no ball and a deathly silence descends upon the Ponsford stand.


Headline: Family Life Brings Out New Maturity in Warner


Reality: Despite complying a wonderful century, every Australian still thinks David Warner is a complete knob.


Headline: Expert Tips for Boxing Day.


Reality: The only things they will get right is you’re having ham sandwiches for breakfast, lunch and dinner.


Headline: Test Cricket Never Stronger.


Reality: Dustin Martin has a hamstring strain on the water slide at Swannie’s place catapulting any coverage of the Boxing Day test to the classified section of the Herald-Sun somewhere between the garage sales and the brothels ads. Bangladesh V South Africa 20/20 rates through the roof.


About Tony Robb

A life long Blues supporter of 49 years who has seen some light at the end of the tunnel that isn't Mick Malthouse driving a train.

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