Australia select unknown to replace Matthew Wade in Nu’Zuland

In continuing their policy to fast track young talent, Australia’s selectors have chosen unknown, Timmy Bieber-Culkin, to replace Matthew Wade in the Chappell-Hadlee Trophy series currently being played in Nu’Zuland.

Wade was ruled out with a back injury yesterday, and Australia’s selectors immediately announced that Bieber-Culkin would be flown over to reinforce the squad.

“Timmy fits neatly into our selection policy,” commented chairman of selectors, Trevor Hohns. “Being 13, he meets our criteria for being youthful; and having done a bit of back-up wicket-keeping , he’s an ideal back-up to our back-up Hanscomb.”

Hohns detailed that Bieber-Culkin was identified as exciting prospect some time ago.

“Timmy was a stand-out in our Kanga cricket program. Not only did he embrace its core values by participating and being inclusive, he really seemed to enjoy himself.”

Bieber-Culkin also caught selector Mark Waugh’s eye while on holiday on the Gold Coast.

“Timmy is a helluva beach cricketer. His ability to time the release of his dibbly dobbly offies just as waves are going out is nothing short of extraordinary.”

Waugh explained that he had actually planned to holiday in Bali, but once CA received word Bieber-Culkin’s family had booked a beach hut near Coolangatta, he altered his plans.

“I’m always happy to mix a little business with pleasure for the benefit of Australian cricket,” he added.

After his dismay over the selection of Sam Heazlett, Cameron White was approached for his view on this latest development but declined to comment. Sheffield Shield debutant, Will Pucovski, however, struggled to constrain his frustrations.

“It’s just bewildering,” he vented. “I mean, what’s the point of having path-way systems like the under 19’s Championship if the selectors aren’t gonna recognise strong performances?”

He went on to say, “I feel my card’s been marked. I mean, it’s obvious the selectors have written me off. I’ve made all these hundreds in development teams and they go off and select a kid who’s played a little Milo cricket. It’s downright distressing.”

CA have not as yet released a statement about Pucovski’s outburst. Trevor Hohns, however, was spotted Google searching synonyms for ‘Earth Shattering’ by a reliable source. He is expected to dress that synonym with a “Not so” today.





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  1. Just brilliant. Wish I’d written this!

  2. PP- tremendous! However, CA appears determined to present an increasingly easy target. I wish T B-C well in his longer international cricket career.

  3. Peter Crossing says

    Well done. Very good article.
    Chad Sayers – 9 wickets for the match vs WA. Odds are that he will never play Test cricket

  4. Nay-sayers!

  5. Punxsu.... Pete says

    Hey, can’t speak for the other nay-sayers, but this nay-sayer wears his nay-saying as a badge of honour.

    Thanks for reading fellas. On Pucovski, he’s gotta be the most exciting prospect Victoria has had in ages. Clinton Peake was the last wunderkind to get us Victorians salivating about producing a long overdue world class batsmen from these parts. I pray for more from Will.

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